Two

Two things lately have really been stressing me out and making me feel discouraged.  Addilyn's separation issues and Isaac's sleep.  Or lack there off.  

I signed Addi up for preschool this year, really only because I wanted her to get better at leaving me and having other adults help her, teach her, etc.  The first three drop offs went great and I was shocked. Since then each drop off has been really hard, where the teacher ends up pulling her off of me while she's crying for me.  The last drop off, she started the night before crying that she didn't want to go.  I've talked with her teachers and they say she is fine after a few minutes and she's happy when I pick her up.  But leading up to it she isn't happy about going at all and it's a struggle.  I watch all the other parents drop their kids off and they run inside and play and are happy.  I want that to be us.

Isaac is not a good sleeper.  At all.  We "sleep trained" which I hate that word and he went from a terrible sleeper to a bad sleeper, so while there's some improvement I'm tired and discouraged.  He goes down awake now for naps and night but wakes up often and if we let him cry, he cries a long time and we'll have some days of decent nights, then back to waking up many times.  His naps are still 30 minutes long and I have a hard time not feeling so envious of babies that sleep well.  I can not wait to sleep more than three hours at a time.  

I've been trying harder lately to ask God what he is trying to teach me in both of these areas. Selfishly I keep thinking maybe if I learn them quickly they will both improve, but know that if that is my motive my heart isn't in the right place.  

And while I know God can teach you things in every area, little to big, I think it comes down to the fact that parenting is just hard.  And it's not even or fair.  Babies and kids are all so different and even if you doing everything "right" some just struggle in some areas and no matter what you do, it's just how it is.

So for now I'm working on doing the best I can in both of those areas, and remembering that's all I can do and the rest is out of my control.  Continue to show up with Addilyn at preschool, remind her that I'll come back and know that this is good for us both.  To remember that this phase of sleep with Isaac will not last forever and sleep will come some day.  

To remember that these things might be hard for a little bit or they might be hard for awhile.  But they will not be hard forever.  And to hold on to sweet moments like the one above.