Fall goals

dress: forever 21  vest: old navy  boots: justfab

I still have some things left on my 13 by 30 list and I am sure I won't make all of them in the next two weeks, so 13 by 31?   But there are a few smaller goals that I'm making for this Fall.  
Dress nicer and do my hair.  I go back and forth between "I feel better when I'm dressed nicely" and "Who am I kidding, I feel the best when I'm comfortable in yoga pants and a poor attempt at a top knot."  But I do realize it doesn't take too long to curl my hair or put on real pants, so I'm making it a goal to so more often.  Plus this is the first fall in two years that I fit it all my clothes and don't have to worry about dressing to constantly be nursing.  
To be more encouraging to Chris.  It's so easy for my focus all day and night to be on Addilyn.  I am with her the majority of her days and somedays I forget about being a wife and feel fully consumed with being a mom.  We continue to have a goal to be more intentional with our time together, and I want to work on making him feel more loved and encouraged.  
Make dinner more often.  Ever since Addilyn was born I've struggled to make dinner often.  One night a week we eat at my parents, another night  I eat with my girlfriends and Chris with his guy friends, and usually on a weekend night we eat with my in laws, so there are three nights right there.   Which means I'm completely capable of fixing dinner the other nights.  To make it easier for me I'm going to commit to crock pot meal at least once a week and homemade pizza or grilled sandwiches another night.  
Let it go.  I have a really hard time not fixating on things.  Addilyn has been sleeping pretty bad the last few weeks. Crying at bedtime and naps and waking up more during the night.  It's really hard for me to not stress about it.  But I need to just let it go.  To not over analyze things like when and how I'll stop nursing or worry about how our daily schedule may differ than others.  To stop comparing her to other babies her age or me with other moms and just go with the flow. SO not natural to me.    Do one encouraging thing a week.  Write a letter, bring a friend cookies.  Something random to make someone smile.  
I'm sure as soon as I post this I'll think of something I want to add.  What goals do you have this Fall? 

26.2

I can't even tell you the relief that I feel that the marathon is over.  The month leading up to it has been stressful and so thought consuming.  After working so hard for four months training and feeling great, the last month of pain and nerves about not be able to run it consumed so much of my mind.  

Saturday night we headed downtown to go to the marathon expo and to pick up my packet.  Addilyn loved running around and looking at everything, and cried when we left.  We headed to a friends house where we stayed and ate Thai food for dinner.  I was worried about Addilyn not sleeping great since she'd be in a pack n play in our room, but she slept fine until 4:30.  I actually could not sleep, I'm sure because of nerves.  I maybe slept 30 minutes if that the whole night.  Addilyn didn't fall back asleep after 4:30, so thank goodness for a good dose of adrenaline!  
dinner Saturday night/ exactly how I felt too
We stopped by to pick up Chris' brother and sister in law who were running it too and staying at a cousins house.  Chris and Addilyn dropped us off and we walked to the start.  It's crazy how many people are there.  There are 45,000 runners and I saw on the news that there are 1.7 spectators that day.  People are running and stretching and waiting in longest lines to check bags and use the bathroom.  Definitely just made me more nervous.  I managed to sneak in to a different start corral (which involved kind of running from a security guard. oops) so that I could start by my brother and sister in law.  It was so nice to start by them even though we only ran the first two miles together.  
Once the start goes off you walk for close to a mile to the start line before you actually start running.  It is a really neat feeling to be surrounded by all these people who have worked so hard and are ready to accomplish a huge life goal.  You're elbow to elbow with people for awhile, but things start to spread out after a mile or so.  It's funny though because I'd start to feel like there wasn't a lot of people around me and then I'd get to a downhill and just see thousands of people running ahead.  This picture was probably around mile 18.  

I was so worried about my knee, as I hadn't even done 2 straight miles of running for weeks.  Every time I'd try I'd get bad knee pain and end up walking and then stopping.  I was nervous about pushing myself before the race for fear of more injury.  I felt great the first few miles, but at mile 4 started having shooting pain in my knee and leg.  I texted Chris that I was in a lot of pain and I was nervous that would be it.  I was determined to finish, but thought I'd probably be walking a lot.  I decided to keep running to see if it would go away and prayed a lot.  At mile six I had significantly less pain and so I kept going.  I kept making another goal to run too.  10, then 12, then 15.   Over and over I kept thanking God for keeping my pain minimal and I was so determined to finish.  

I managed to see Chris and Addilyn at mile 12 and it was so good.  Although Addilyn couldn't even focus on me.  Chris jumped in and stayed next to me for a few yards but she wouldn't even look at me. There's so much noise and people I don't think she even registered that it was me.  But I'm so glad I saw them.  It gave me motivation to run until that point and to keep going.  

I got to see my mom, aunt and mother in law at mile 17 which was so nice again.  I managed to run without stopping once until mile 20 when I started having shooting pains again.  I started walking some and once I start walking it's so hard to get going again.  And by walking I should say pretty much limping.  
A girl came up next to me around 20 and half miles and asked if I wanted to run with her.  She was injured the last four weeks of training and was running slower than expected and struggling to keep going.  It was perfect timing.  We ran on and off the next few miles and talked and it was a great distraction.  I hit mile 25 and was able to run the rest of the way.  I saw my mom again at mile 25 1/2 and picked it up until the finish.  
right after the finish
The finish line was the best site ever.  I got teary-eyed multiple times while running.  I had so many friends text me throughout the race, telling me how proud they were of me.  I got the sweetest texts from Chris that made me teary-eyed.  I worked so hard and was so nervous I wouldn't be able to finish. There is no doubt in my mind that God answered my prayers.  Healing me knee enough for me to run and push through to the finish.  It was a reminder to me that God hears our prayers, big or little.  It was a reminder again that I have so many people in my life that love me, pray for me and cheer me on.  

Annoyingly the set up at the end of the race is that spectators aren't allowed near the finish line, so I had to walk almost a mile, including some stairs, to find Chris and my family.  Addilyn did so good the whole time I was running right until the end and started falling apart once she saw me and we had to walk back to the car (and I could not carry her).  It was the longest I've been away from her ever, but she did great.  The logistics of the race, the night before and the craziness of the city is stressful to me, and adding her to the mix this time, made it a little trickier.  But I'm sure I would've been more anxious had she not been with Chris and I, and even though she won't remember it, I look forward to telling her about watching her mama run the marathon! 

(Thank you Courtney for Addilyn's shirt! I loved it!) 

When I finished the Chicago marathon both other two times, after I crossed the finish line I immediately thought I would do it again.  The hard training and work was worth it and almost forgotten when I finished.  This time the hard training and work was totally worth it (not not close to forgotten) and I'm so glad I did it, but I have no intention of running it next year or the year after that even.  I will not say never, as I'm sure I'll do a marathon again.  But this time the training, getting back in shape, the time commitment and the emotions and frustration with my knee injury, made it so much more challenging. I felt prouder and stronger and more determined this year than ever before and I'm glad I did it.  I think it was so good for me to have something outside my role as a new mom this last year. To have a goal and time alone and to work at something that was just about me.  To find success in something separate than being a mom and to challenge myself and work towards a hard goal.  

I honestly can't tell you how much I appreciated the encouragement I've received on instagram, through emails and texts and all your prayers.  This morning I got to spend some extra time in bed resting and I can't tell you how relieved I feel that it is over.  I'm excited to workout again and not to have to follow a running plan.  To not work out if I don't want to, and to not be constantly wondering how the race would go.  I feel beyond happy and proud of myself and am so thankful to God that he answered my prayers to be able to run yesterday.

Skinny girl

I participated in an Influencer Activation on behalf of Skinnygirl. I received a product sample and a promotional item to facilitate my review. 

I've shared before that I struggle with what to eat for snacks.  I don't eat fried foods or super greasy things, but love dessert and I struggle when it comes to snacking.  I love chocolate covered granola bars, which trick me into thinking I'm not eating dessert.  Or gold fish or cheeze its, or anything like that.  I know I need to eat more veggies but I don't like them plain and I am lazy and buy them, but then never cut them up and end up throwing them away.  

This week I found the perfect solution.  First of all I bought the pre cut vegetables.  I'm pretty cheap and these are a little more expensive but I realized I'm wasting food and money when I buy them not cut, because they go to waste.  So an extra dollar spent seems worth it to me.  Second this Skinnygirl hummus.  I will eat vegetables if they are covered in hummus.  

I've tried Skinnygirl products once or twice before when I had their wine and really liked it.   Skinnygirl recently expanded from their focus on low-calorie cocktails to non-alcoholic beverages, snacks and popcorn.  This last weekend I tried Skinnygirl brand Roasted Red Pepper Hummus and loved it.  There are other flavors like Cilantra Jalapeno and Roasted Garlic, which both sound delicious too.  It's made with non-fat Greek Yogurt, gluten free, and is low in calorie, and tastes delicious.  Creamy and light and makes vegetables totally doable for me! 

Plus Addilyn loves it too.  We have had it with pretzels, crackers and I'm on a hunt for recipes that use hummus.  I've used on my sandwich in place of mayo, or on a tortilla with cheese and rolled up or on an English muffin with egg and cheese for breakfast.  
Anyone have any other ways I need to try this hummus with? 
You can find Skinnygirl hummus at Kroger, Hy-Vee, Fairway Market, Bristol Farms, Gelson's and Walmart.  Click here for a $0.75 coupon off. 

The best I can do

I had no intentions to write another post about the marathon after last week, but turns out that it taking up 90% of my thoughts these days so here it is.  
My knee continues to bother me and I haven't had any improvement the last few weeks.  I've been icing, stretching, resting on repeat and I am still struggling. I've tried KT tape, a brace and multiple chiropractor appointments.  The few short runs I've done the last three weeks ended quickly as my knee hurt pretty badly.  I haven't fully "pushed through" to run because I figured that I'd save any of that for the race day.  
My emotions are mainly just mad.  I feel like I trained so hard, put a huge amount of energy and time into the training and have a hard time not feeling like it was wasted.  I ran faster than I did the other marathon training times and was feeling confident that I would beat my last times by a decent amount.  Now just the thought of finishing seems somewhat impossible.  I'd say stubbornness and determination are one of my top characteristics, but I truly don't know if I'll be able to finish.  
I feel like I've lost all of my mental endurance and even without knee pain I can't imagine running 26.2 miles. My mom thinks that I shouldn't run the race, and that quitting once I start would be harder than not doing it.  But I don't think I could handle not trying.  However, the idea of walking off the course just about kills me.  
In situations like this it is hard for me not to be mad at God, as this seems like just an "easy" fix to heal my knee even if just for race day.  I have a hard time understanding why he would allow this to happen when I've worked so hard.  What I forget is that there are probably countless times a week he protects me from injuries, suffering and who knows what else.  I don't know the times he's saved me from a car accident or protected Addilyn during a fall.  I don't think God picks and chooses what he heals us from and doesn't, but I do think that He allows us to go through hard things to teach us something.  I know life isn't perfect and can't be easy all the time or we wouldn't constantly be needing to reach out to God for help.  
So while right now I'm frustrated and beyond disappointed, I want to trust that God knows everything, even things like my knee pain and how hard I worked for this.  And I want to know that I can get over this and move on and just do the best I can do and be okay with the outcome.  Want is clearly the key word as those things are currently not coming easy for me.  
I'm going to show up on Sunday ready to do the best I can.  To suck up my pride and know that if I don't finish that's okay.  To be proud of myself for all my training and discipline and to know that it wasn't a waste of time.  To remember that despite all the work I did to train, the marathon is just a race.  One race.  One day.  And not any definition of me.  

Right now favorites . . .

 

jeans: gap    shoes: target   baseball tee: old navy   scarf: gift

new episodes of 19 Kids and Counting

these jeans from the gap 

reruns of Gilmore Girls on netflix 

scarf weather

giving Addilyn two baths a day to pass time 

new recipes in the crock pot

hot apple cider after Addilyn goes to bed 

playdates with little girlfriends

weekends with Chris