skirt and shirt: target shoes: payless
Sometimes I feel silly posting outfit pics when I write about serious topics.
But hey, I still get dressed those days so why not?
I hesitate to write about this again, as I feel as though I could sound like a broken record.
But I realize that most people deal with the same problem for a long time.
That, unfortunately, is just life.
This problem is one that I truly thought we wouldn't have to deal with ever. Once we started this journey through infertility, I thought we wouldn't have to deal with it long.
Last week Chris and I found out that we are not pregnant, again.
The last treatment, even with the highest success rate didn't work.
By far, I had the most invested in this last round.
Physically, emotionally, and mentally I spent all of June doing whatever I could to make this work.
I felt like that was my whole life for a month and consumed my thoughts all day.
It's hard to not feel like I wasted a month of my summer.
I'm quickly reminded again that this is so far out of my control.
Even out of the doctor's control.
And that is frustrating.
Frustrating to know that there nothing I can physically do, to get me pregnant.
All I can do is pray that God would grant me the desire to have my own baby someday.
A good friend of mine told me that God placed a strong desire in my heart to be a mother and that He will fulfill it someday.
Throughout the month of June, on a daily basis my emotions would go from feeling hopeful and excited about the future, to feeling disappointed, sad and hopeless about being a mom someday.
Lately it's hard to not spend most of the day feeling the later.
Lately it's hard to not spend most of the day feeling the later.
I'm getting tired, worn down and scared as I am waiting for my someday.
But I am thankful that even though this is completely out of my control, that I can trust in a God who knows my heart, my desires and my future.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29: 11
I'm sorry, girl : (
ReplyDeleteHave faith! Someday you will be a mother!
Grrrrrrrr. It makes my heart ache to read this. Please know that you are being prayed for by many, and that this difficult period will end.......hopefully soon! Do you guys have plans for the next step????
ReplyDeleteCarly
Oh I am so sorry to hear this. I will definitely keep you in my prayers as you and Chris continue to seek Christ through your frustrations, sadness, and longing. Know that God has His hand in all things and that He will answer your prayer in His timing, His perfect perfect perfect timing!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteP.S. adorable hair and outfit!!!
ReplyDeleteAhhh, sorry, Katie! (I was multi-tasking on my first comment and had to delete it.) May God continue to refresh your hope and your strength!
ReplyDelete♥♥tears♥♥ You already know how much I pray that your heart's desires are filled one day.
ReplyDeleteOh Katie I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work for you...this all seems so unfair sometimes. Thinking of you and sending big hugs your way, hang in there
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I wish I had the right words to comfort you. All I can say is that you continue to be in my prayers. It will happen, I have faith.
ReplyDeleteSo so sorry Katie; I am keeping you in my prayers. Sometimes God has a way of doing things... it might happen when you least expect it.... sending hugs your way :)
ReplyDeleteoh Katie I just hate this. I am so sorry. still and always praying for you.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you. I know what an emotional roller coaster it can be to get your hopes up, and then have them come crashing down month after month. And it must be even harder when you're going through treatments that mess with your hormone levels. But I believe your friend is right -- God gave you this desire because He is going to fulfill it. I've had friends tell me that too, and I cling to that for hope on the hardest days. You are right -- you can put your trust in a God who has your entire future planned out! I feel so blessed to have God to run to during my infertility struggle, and I don't know what I'd do without that hope! Praying for you. I just don't think anybody should have to go through this, but God must know you are an extremely strong person if He is letting you! I really hope He brings you peace today.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to feel so awfully let down. I can't understand what you're going through, but just know that every one of your blog friends is pulling for you! If God places the desire, it will somehow be fulfilled. Somehow.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean by feeling like a broken record (hello, deployment), but I love reading what people are truly going through. It gives me heart to know that everyone is fighting a battle of some sort!
I thought I would never have my babies because I had multiple miscarriages, but you have to have faith. When you finally do become a mother, you will be so happy that you never gave up!! The road to children is longer and harder for some people, but that makes it all the more worth it. <3
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I pray that God will give you peace and comfort as you wait. I pray too that God will grant you the desires of your heart, but that even if He doesn't that he will give you peace. You probably don't want to hear this, but remember that there are other paths. My sister-in-law was never able to conceive even with months of fertility treatments, but they have two beautiful adopted daughters whom we all adore. Regardless, I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteLOVE the lace skirt, girl!!
ReplyDeleteI was going to comment on how pretty your skirt is (oops I guess I did!), but then I read the rest of the post.
ReplyDeleteKatie, you have no idea gorgeous you are and always will be, regardless of whether you have children or not. You have to stay strong and just keep spreading that bright cheer through the world. I know it's hard to put up that front of happiness when you're obviously not happy, but you've got to keep trying. You're an amazing role model for girls like me and I aspire to be as loving, caring, and mature as you everyday.
<3Hima
Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
ReplyDeleteGod has a plan for you. Praying that this will happen for you soon and that he will give your heart peace in the meantime!
Love your hair, by the way :)
katie, i am very sorry to hear this :( you are going to be an amazing mother someday! it is inspiring to hear how positive and hopeful you are despite the pain you feel. it is something i envy. sending hugs and prayers to you and your husband!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Katie. Waiting for something like this is so hard. But I wanted you to know that I admire your courage and attitude. and you picked the best verse...I've been leaning on that one too lately. You guys are in our prayers...
ReplyDeletei guess thats all we can ever do - trust in god.
ReplyDeleteand love your pink shirt!
love,
elisabeth
http://lavitaebella-elisabeth.blogspot.com/
The Lord gave John to his 90 year old mother. Just don't lose faith. I know God will answer your prayers. Everything is possible with God. =)
ReplyDeletehttp://sassychunny.blogspot.com/
That is disappointing news but what your friend said is right. The fact that God gave you such strong will and desire to be a mother, means one day it will come true and you will be an excellent mother. =)
ReplyDeleteLove from the NANA girls xoxo
dont feel like a broken record.. this is your life/focus right now. my heart breaks for you :( i hate that you have to go through this katie!!
ReplyDeletebeautiful...i love ur skirt, and also ur hair hhe
ReplyDeletebtw maybe like to vsit and fllw each other?
jessillesilv.blogspot.com
I am so sorry to hear about this. I recently read a morning devotion about a woman going through a similar situation, the verse was a good one and I thought I would share,
ReplyDelete"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12
Don't give up hope Katie!! Praying for you both!
Montana
Katie I admire your strength through this so much. It sounds so frustrating and impossible to deal with, and you are amazing for staying hopeful. You WILL be a mother someday...I don't "know" you but I feel like I know you (you know?)...and I have faith in that :)
ReplyDeleteAnnie
The Other Side of Gray
Don't feel like you are a broken record on your blog. This is your journey and by writing about everything it might make you feel a tiny bit better and it is probably helping someone who might be going through something similar. We are sending the biggest prayers/wishes/positive thoughts to you and your husband.
ReplyDeleteJayme & Mendi @ Her Late Night Cravings
Katie, I am so very sorry to hear this. My heart is just breaking for you. You are SO strong and your hope through all the frustration and hardship is inspiring. Keeping you and Chris in my thoughts.
ReplyDelete-Sharon
I'm so sorry Katie! I know I can't say anything to make you feel better right now but know that I am just so, so sorry you are dealing with such a hard thing. Keep your eyes on Jesus, as hard as that may be right now...
ReplyDeleteKatie - i'm praying for you guys daily. My sister went through the SAME thing. She tried everything. And then, at the last moment, when they thought there was no hope left... she was pregnant. And my nephew is perfect. God was just waiting till the right time. Sometimes our timing and His timing don't match up - but God is never early. God is never late. He is always on time. Praying! xoxo
ReplyDeleteit is absolutely the hardest thing when God says no to a perfectly good thing like children (or in my case, education and adoption and good health). we just have to trust that He knows what he's doing. God has SO much in store for us, i just hate that it's not given to us right away, all at once. waiting is really hard. i'm praying for your broken heart.
ReplyDeleteWhat good conclusion you arrive at when you say, "But I am thankful that even though this is completely out of my control, that I can trust in a God who knows my heart, my desires and my future."
ReplyDeleteI remember this longing. I was thirty-one before I finally got pregnant. Then, in delivery, they lost the heartbeat, like they did with my sister-in-law, whose baby's heart couldn't make it through the delivery. My heart sank, but into His arms. "Whatever, Lord, whatever..." Where that kind of resigned peace came from I would say could only be from God Himself!
I pray this peace for you now, and that He gives you a blessed focus and purpose for THIS day, each day, as you wait for "someday." (And BTW, the baby was fine, was born, and grew into a healthy man!)
PS And, oh yes, I should have mentioned...
ReplyDeletetoday just happens to be his birth day!
I'm so sorry you are going through this, I hope things take a positive turn for you soon!
ReplyDeletexo, Yi-chia
Always Maylee
Love your braid, super cute skirt!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHave you ever considered adoption? You guys sound like my parents. They literally did everything they possibly could to have a baby, and then they decided to adopt from China (me). Eighteen months later I had a little brother and then another eighteen months after that I had a little sister.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your struggles =( Just know, though, that it WILL happen, the way may be different than you expected, but you will have a child someday.
i am so sorry to read this. but i am a strong believer in what your friend said. there was a point in my life that i couldn't figure out why it wasn't happening for me, and when i had my two kids, i realized that it just wasn't my time yet. some way, some how, it will happen for you. but i'm sorry for all of the pain you have to go through in the process.
ReplyDeleteLovely outfit. Love your side braid :) Wanna follow each other ?
ReplyDeleteWin $100 + Special Gift Sheinside Giveaway
❤ StylishByNature.com
urg. This makes me so sad. I was thinking of you so much. :*( i'm so sorry. :( I'm off to email you.
ReplyDeletePS. I love your outfit and hair.
I was sad to hear this. Im going to add you (even though I dont know you!) to my prayer list, because He knows. I dont really know what else to say besides that I love the side braid. ;)
ReplyDeletemommode.wordpress.com
I love you and your heart. God has a beautiful plan for you. Love you.
ReplyDeleteOh girl, I know this has to be so difficult and heart wrenching. You're right, though, God does know the plans He has for us. On a less serious note... I really love your hairstyle in these pics!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you're going through this, I can only imagine how difficult this must be! Sending happy thoughts your way :)
ReplyDeleteIt may not mean much coming from a stranger, but I am so sorry!! Hopefully some little miracle will come your way SOON!
ReplyDeleteI just ran across your blog via "fivedaysfiveways" and had to leave a comment. My husband and I went through 9 years of infertility. One failed IVF cycle, and one failed adoption (the birth mom changed her mind at the hospital). In the end we decided to use our last frozen embryos and just call it quits with the fertility route. The day before they were to transfer the embryos we got a phone call from the adoption place letting us know a mother had chosen our file. Long story short, we now have 2 boys, 7 months apart!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are going through this but I am so glad you are a believer! We have a good God that loves us. The waiting is THE hardest part! I love the verse Montana posted from Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life."
I hope this was an encouragement :)
Tess
I'm so sorry, I came across your blog via the comment you left for Gussy on her blog and my heart went out to you as well.
ReplyDeleteMy husband & I struggled for several years to have a baby and I know all to well the desire to have a child and it not happening on our time or with the plan we had in mind for our lives. Ours is a long story (infertility treatments, infant loss, embryo adoption, and a preemie) and it definitely wasn't what I would have imagined but ultimately it was what led us to our son. Here is a link to my blog http://roadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/.
I know it's hard & although I don't have any definitive answers or reassurance to offer I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that one day, I can't say for certain how or when but I'm certain you will be a mother. Lots of love to you, prayers that you feel peace and are led in the direction God has for your life.
Oh sweet friend, I'm so sorry. That is painful and so hard to walk through, I'm sure. Praying for you now - that the Lord gives you strength and miracles come your way soon! love.
ReplyDeleteI cannot speak from experience, because we have not tried to have children yet...but I can speak from seeing a friend try to have a 2nd child for years, and then God open the floodgates. A friend was close to adoption several times, and it kept falling through. Finally an adoption was going to work out, and a week later they found out they were pregnant! Their family grew from 1 to 3 quickly, and now they have 4 total.
ReplyDeleteGod's timing is so perfect, even when we feel like it isn't. His ways are higher, even when we feel like they aren't. He is working in you now...keep allowing Him to mold you through this experience. And I know this is easier said than done! But the Lord is our hope--cling to that! He will see you through!