one moment

It is still hard to believe we have a baby.  That I am Addilyn's mom.  While I usually avoid talking in third person, there have been a few times when I've been talking to Addilyn and I say something about me being her momma and it still hits me that is my real life.  The last three weeks have been such a blur and have been filled with lots of exhaustion and emotions.  
I was well aware that newborns are a lot of work but nothing can really prepare you for the physical and emotional changes that you go through and the reality of what it means to have a baby.  And to be honest it has been harder than I thought it would be.  It has been filled with more moments of anxiety and feeling overwhelmed than I thought.  
But the other day I had a moment that I want to remember and hold on to during the sleepless nights and baby tears.  I was experiencing one of the first true "fussy" times and was having a hard time making Addilyn happy and content. 
I put on my happy wrap and got her in  it by myself (which itself made me proud) and turned on some music and just walked around my kitchen.  Holding her sweet little head and staring at her open, beautiful eyes.  She quickly settled down and just stared at me for minutes before falling asleep.  I continued to walk around the kitchen, just staring down at my precious baby girl.  
It was a moment that I had almost pictured when I so strongly was waiting to be a mom.  I couldn't help but cry.  Tears from feeling overwhelmed with emotions that this beautiful baby was mine.  That I was able to soothe and comfort her.  That these first few hard weeks, while full of tiring and hard moments, are also full of tender, beautiful ones too.  
(Addilyn wearing pajamas my mom bought me over two years ago when we were trying to get pregnant. So thankful I have a baby to put in them now.) 
I'm quickly learning that motherhood is full of ups and downs and I know it will continue just like that.  One moment of feeling confident and happy and then one of feeling nervous and emotional.  I'm learning the importance of recognizing all of those feelings and holding onto those precious moments like this one.