I was a runner

dress: old navy   belt: target   shoes: dsw 

I've considered myself a runner for at least the last 8 years or so.  I have finished a few marathons, half marathons and other races.  But a week or so ago my confidence in my ability to still be a "runner" was a little shattered.  

I had every intention of being one of those pregnant woman that run up until they are due.  Well that quickly went out the window when I was on bed rest for a big chunk of the beginning of my pregnancy, then too scared to be running and then too late to start running while pregnant.  So I've stuck to walking. 

I was walking outside the other day and a bee flew in my hair.  Which I think will always make me run.  I ran probably 5 yards.  You would have thought I ran at least a mile.  Running with this belly was a complete change in my sense of gravity and I immediately felt like I was front heavy, carrying another person.  Oh wait I guess I am.  But a very very small person. 

I was out of breathe, hot, tired and then also slightly concerned.  

It's hard to imagine getting back into running shape and becoming a runner again. But I sure plan on working on it in the Fall.  

On a different note this may be my favorite maternity outfit so far.  I got this dress this Winter at Old Navy for less than $5.  It's not a maternity dress, just extra baggy! 

Giving In

 tee: shade clothing maternity     pants: walmart     scarf: gap

First thing:  I don't want this post to sound like I answered the interview question: "What is your weakness?" with "I just don't know when to stop working," or "I love the kids too much and take my work home with me."  Because I truly do this to a fault and will hopefully communicate what I am trying to work on. 
I have a very hard time giving into things.  I've always been really stubborn and disciplined and I think that can be a good thing and has.  A good thing when training for a marathon or working really hard at my job.  A good thing with exercising daily and working on the relationships around me. 
But a really poor thing when I try to control everything.  
This pregnancy has challenged me with a whole new level of giving in and it's starting to give me anxiety because I'm not doing it.  Even with little things like giving myself a break with not stressing out about what I eat, how often I'm not exercising and how much weight I'm gaining.  I need to give in to what my body needs to do, and do so with an attitude that this is what I need to do and to be content with it.  

But on a greater note I'm feeling less in control of the future than I ever have.  I don't know what it will look like to be a mom.  I don't have the answers of how Chris and I are going to adapt well and quickly to parenthood.  I don't know the exact time I'm going to go back to work, or how insurance is going to work out.  I can't control how much money Chris makes in his business.  
I'm failing quite miserably at giving in to a future that I can not control.  You may think that I would have learned this already, as I've written multiple posts about giving God control.  But here I am today filled with anxiety about what our future will look like.  My stubbornness and desire for everything to be in order are making me fearful and emotional.  
So I am working on giving in to my body, my relationship with Chris, our finances and our future changing.  Handing over my stubbornness and control and having confidence that God will take care of it.  

I don't understand

skirt:  tjmaxx   tank: shadeclothing  maternity   vest: loft    necklace: groopdealz 

I don't understand how I'm supposed to sleep comfortably in my bed after finding a tick crawling on me the other night while in bed, and then another one on our wall the next day.   And I don't understand why I felt the need to take a picture of it and share it with you.  I'm sorry.  It really it too disgusting.  

I don't understand why my belly has started growing sideways instead of straight out.  Isn't that the wrong way?  I don't understand why last week I lost more than a handful of followers and how to not let that bother me a little. I don't understand how I am supposed to have energy after school when it is in the upper 80's outside and I'm in an non air conditioned classroom with 21 sweaty, restless kids who are ready for summer, with a pregnant belly that makes me even more sweaty and tired.   I don't understand why all shows end in May.  I would much prefer 90210, Modern Family and Parks and Recreation to continue throughout the summer.  Speaking of tv shows, I don't understand why Netflix sucks me in with the first two seasons of shows like Sister Wives and Hart of Dixie, but doesn't have the rest of the seasons available.    I don't understand why my sister has to go back to Vermont after visiting this weekend.  Wishing she could stay! and I don't understand why I forgot to pick a winner for the Target giftcard giveaway.  Congratulations to Deborah Rose!  Email me at katiejvale@yahoo.com and Lindsay and I will get you your prize.  

Happy Hour

 
tee: old navy    jeans: ross maternity    vest: loft

I know I've written a similar post before, but here's yet another example that Chris and I may as well be in our sixties. 
When we went away to Wisconsin a few weekends ago we looked up restaurants that had happy hours.  I think for a normal couple in their late 20's, early 30's this would be a happy hour that started around 9 or 10 o'clock. 
Not for us though.  We went to a 4 - 6 happy hour and were the first to arrive.  Slightly embarrassing, we were followed by couple after couple in their sixties at the youngest.  
Proof.   

There were even two oxygen tanks attending.  We definitely had anyone beat by at least thirty years.   
At least the fact that we like to be home early, eat early and avoid those young, rowdy crowds will only prepare us more for our baby.  Speaking of baby preparation, rather than going to Friday night happy hour we will be going to a childbirth class.  They told us to bring pillows and blankets and I fear having to mimic labor positions and laughing awkwardly as if I'm too immature to birth a baby.   Hopefully it doesn't scare me too much either.  
Hope you have a good weekend!

baby clothes, blessings and some wisdom

This weekend Chris and I got two huge bags full of baby girl clothes.  And then a few days later a teacher at school gave me two other huge bags full of clothes.  I feel beyond lucky to have people that thought of us and our baby girl.  (As well as dressed their daughters incredibly cute!)  I am loving going through all these clothes and can't wait for our baby to wear them!

Another blessing is having Kaitlyn share on my blog today.  Kaitlyn is an Army wife that lives with her husband in Colorado.  They are expecting their first baby this Fall and I have loved keeping up with her weekly updates.  But my favorite thing about Kaitlyn is her honesty and ability to share her heart.  Today she is sharing about an issue I'm sure we can all relate too!



Hi everyone! I'm Kaitlyn and I blog over at Wifessionals. I was so happy that Katie allowed me to come over to her blog for the day and share a topic that I think a lot of us women struggle with.

Recently, I ended a study I was doing called "Living Beyond Yourself". It's by Beth Moore. If you have never experienced this woman, let me tell you...she is really powerful. We concluded with talking about self control. The first thing I think about when I hear that topic is keeping my emotions (namely my patience and anger) in check. I used to have a terrible problem with getting angry very quickly and I have worked really hard to overcome that struggle.

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But Beth took this discussion about self control to a whole other level that I never really expected:
Weight.
I want to take a few minutes and just share the things that were put on my heart after doing this study. Our culture is obsessed with appearance. We are completely media driven. As I've gotten older, I've become more aware at how sad it is that women are made to think there is a right and a wrong way to look. Right : Skinny while Wrong : "Fat".
I want to get this out there right now: my views, comments, and opinions are dealing strictly with ME and my body. I say these things based on my frame, my height and so on. Just because something isn't "ok" or doesn't work with me, doesn't mean that is a standard for anyone else.
I have always struggled with my self image and weight. When I was in middle school, and the beginning of high school, I became very "chubby" (as my mom called it). I remember getting my first pair of Charlotte Russe jeans (all the rage back then) and being so excited...until I put them on. They were a size 13 and I had to take them back and exchange them for a 15. I was made fun of, had barely any friends and was so sad. I decided to start eating in a VERY unhealthy way. I had an eating disorder. I would eat maybe a banana for lunch...only a can of green beans for dinner. I was starving myself. And by the time I hit 16, I was down to a size 0. Do I think some of the weight was puberty? Yes. But the things I did to get "skinny" were painful, restrictive and consumed my life.

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To this day I always get scared of getting "fat" again. I try my best to eat healthy and stay in shape. I am not a size 0 anymore, but I feel good about my size. What I don't like is the guilt I feel after I eat something "naughty". I hate that I weigh myself almost every day to make sure I am staying relatively on track. I don't enjoy feeling bad about myself when I see rail thin celebrity staring at me in the grocery checkout line. This is not how we should live our lives ladies.
Beth shared a message that I think we all need to accept as truth: Your body is a lot more about freedom, than size.
Each of us is different. We all have different genes, body makeups and heights. You can't compare yourself to other people. You have to find out where you are happy...where YOU have freedom.
Am I free when I am counting calories and limiting myself to not enjoying foods that I love? No. Am I free when I am so overweight that I have no energy to play with my future kids or I'm too out of breath to hike with my husband? No.
I am not free at size 0 or 2. I am also not free at size 8 or 10. For me, my height, my physical activity level, and where I can still feel happy about my body and in my skin...right now I am free at a size 4. At a size 4 I can eat well balanced meals, but still get a Chickfila milkshake here and there. At size 4, I can keep up with my Army husband's active lifestyle. At size 4, I can look at myself in the mirror and feel happy and content with me. Does that mean I don't have days where I feel "chunky"? No.
But figuring out where I am free has allowed me not to live in bondage to my physical image. It has given me the freedom to enjoy food and not obsess over everything that passes my lips from the minute I wake up until the second I go to bed. The biggest problem we share in this country is moderation. I do not believe in dieting and cutting out everything you find delicious and love. Because then what happens? You become so fixated on everything you can't have. Stop doing this to yourself! I promise you that wherever you are free, you can still have a cookie this Friday night...but that doesn't mean go eat 24 oreos in one sitting.
I really encourage you to think about where you stand on all this. I think the majority of women struggle with this, even if they won't openly admit it. Just because I am free at size 4, does not mean that is for you. I can tell you right now my sister is free at 00 or 0. No matter what she does, she is just so tiny. I can also tell you that a good friend of mine is free at size 14. She has a genetic makeup, no matter how hard she tries, that is how her beautiful body was created. She is extremely healthy, eats probably even better than I do, but that is where her body was meant to be.
Don't be a slave to your outside image. Don't miss out on enjoying food or waste countless hours obsessing over the 3 pounds you can't seem to lose. I'm not saying be a glutton, but I'm also begging you to not lose amazing minutes of your life wishing you were something that you weren't meant to be. When you set aside this struggle, accepting yourself for who you were meant to be, I promise you will experience such relief, such life, such amazing, overwhelming freedom. So where are you free?
**I want to say that I know that I am pregnant and should be gaining weight during this phase of my life. This post is reflecting on my thoughts and life before and outside of pregnancy. I do not condone dieting or weight loss when a woman is pregnant.

Thank you so much Kaitlyn for sharing your heart and your wise words!!  Take some time and go check out her blog!