. . . for Lauren and Lauren

August 20, 2014

When you let it in . . .


It's a slippery slippery slope when you start letting anxiety creep in.  

We had Addilyn's one year check up (a month late) last week.  We had some worries earlier on with her weight, but chalked it up to her being pretty sick around six months, throwing up often and not eating a lot because of it.  For a month or so I got pretty anal about her eating, offering her food all the time and weighing her on our scale.  My worries were subsided when we went in for a weight check six weeks later and she gained a little weight.  I decided I was making myself crazy and worked hard to not be worried about it.  

So I was surprised at her appointment when she had hardly gained any weight the last three months and has continued to drop in percentile over the last six months.  I know the doctor is just trying to cover her basis, but that combined with a pretty constant nightly cough, she brought up some scary causes and seemed more concerned than I had expected.  She wants us to do a few tests to get the scary stuff out of the way and check for other more common things as well.  

I know the chances of her having a serious disease are so slim, but to put that thought in my mind is terrifying. When I let a heavy, anxious thought creep in, it's so hard for me to fight off others. The next day I was running and was worrying about the what ifs, and the thoughts of something being wrong with Addilyn.  Although nothing to do with it, I started thinking about our scary incident when Addilyn passed out after falling a month ago.  It took awhile for me to get that image out of my mind, but there it was back again. Over and over.  

In that moment I was so aware of how Satan tries to sneak his way into my thoughts.  To make me feel scared of the future, doubt God's protection and feel anxious.  I don't think there is anything wrong with being nervous or wanting to find out answers and feeling unsettled.  I think those are the times that God uses circumstances to draw us closer to him.  But I do think it's wrong when you let your worry be stronger than your trust for God.  I struggle with letting anxiety take over my thoughts. I forget God's truths and feel overwhelmed with worst case scenarios.  

It was a reminder that I need to cover myself with God's truths.  I want to be able to fight off my worries with His word and protect myself from going down that slippery slope of fear and anxiety.  Over and over again I've seen God answer my prayers, calm my worries and take care of my family.  And I know he will continue to do so over and over.  

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August 19, 2014

I told you so

 denim vest
denim vest and shorts
shorts: loft   tank top: old navy   vest: justfab 

I told you I wanted to wear this vest all the time and I think I wore it three days out of four last week.  

Speaking of things I want, I wish the marathon was next week instead of two months from now.  

I'd also like to buy at least one thing on groopdealz a day. 

I wish a cold iced coffee would show up on my doorstep the minute after I put Addilyn down for her afternoon nap so I could drink it and watch another episode of Nashville on Netflix.  

I'd like my vacation pictures to edit themselves and write a good post about how much fun it was and how much I miss spending all that time with my family. 

I'd like these cookies to disappear from my kitchen so I wouldn't eat four a day until they were gone.  

I also wish Chris would stop eating so ridiculously loud while sitting next to me right now.  And that I could do a better job multitasking because I have no idea what is going on in the show that we are watching.  

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August 18, 2014

Training with Mama

Addilyn's onesie: Courtney Bock Designs

56 days left until the big day.  Part of me wishes it was next weekend, as at this point I know I could finish even if it meant I was more sore and slower than I'd be with two more months of training.  But I know the training is a much bigger process and commitment than the race itself.  Motivation is the biggest battle, as some days it takes a whole lot to get myself out on a run.  

Here's few things that motivate me lately . . . 

Breaking up my run into smaller chunks mentally.  For my 15 mile run I tell myself I can do 5 miles. After that I get a drink of water and tell myself I can do five more.  And then five more after that.  It is seriously more a mental game than physical for much of the run.  I'm well aware I'm running 15 miles, but by only thinking of five at a time, it feels much more attainable.  

Not thinking passed today.  My biggest struggle is thinking, how could I run another mile?  Whether it's after running five or fifteen, I feel like I can't do more than my given milage.  It's hard not to think about the next week's run and almost impossible to not think about the race day, but I try hard to think about just getting through this run and not another one.

This cute girl.  I know that she will not remember a thing from these months of training or from the marathon day itself.  She won't remember the mornings I was gone running or probably won't be interested in watching the race itself.  But she will remember pictures from the day and you better believe I will be telling her about how her mama worked hard to reach her goal and ran a marathon when she was one.

This adorable onesie is pretty good motivation too.  If I'm going to dress Addilyn in it, I sure as better finish those 26.2 miles.  Her onesie is from Courtney Block Designs, an adorable monogram shop that has all kinds of cute things from jewelry to kids backpacks and pjs and my favorite monogram lace sweatshirt (which is going on my birthday list).  Courtney has been wonderful to work with and she's offering 15% your order using the code LAURENFORLAUREN15.  If I could only make up my mind on a color, I would have already purchased this monogrammed baseball hat.

I can't wait to see her sweet face waiting for me at the finish line, wearing this onesie.  Even more so, I can't wait for the day when Addilyn wants to go on a run with me or when we can cross a finish line together.  She is pretty good motivation.    

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August 17, 2014

The everyday tee

white plum shorts
scalloped shorts
tee & sandals : old navy  shorts: white plum 

I should be embarrassed at the amount of v neck tees I have.  This one is from Old Navy and is their boyfriend vintage tee and is the most comfortable shirt I own.  

When I was 16 weeks pregnant I flew out to California for my grandpa's funeral.  I was on the phone with my sister before I left and we were talking about what clothes to pack for the long weekend.  I felt far more fat than pregnant looking and didn't know what to wear to the funeral, as nothing fit right.  I was telling Lauren that I was looking and looking for this grey v-neck t-shirt because I wanted to wear it with my black maxi skirt to the funeral.  I was trying to convince her that it was dressy enough to wear to the funeral.  She rightfully did not agree.  

Thank goodness I didn't find it because it probably would've been a bad choice.  I'll blame that one on pregnancy brain?  Maybe not appropriate for a funeral, but pretty sure every other day acceptable.  

And these shorts are the comfiest shorts.  So basically I'm wearing pajamas.  

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August 13, 2014

I finally met a blogging friend!

Don't mind the tongue.  We make great first impressions.  And if that didn't do it, maybe the fact that Addilyn and I both smelled like poop thanks to the worst diaper blow out in the car on the way, which resulted in some side of the road, two person clean up.  

But thankfully Liz and Emma didn't seem to care.  I've followed Liz and her blog since I started blogging. We got pregnant around the same time, although Liz's baby girl was born quite early and spent a long time in the NICU.  I remember praying for Emma quite often, as I couldn't imagine going through that, especially after spending only one night home from the hospital without Addilyn.  Liz is such an amazing example of trusting in God's protection and plan.  Reading her posts and getting to know her has been an encouragement to me and my own walk with God.  

(And p.s.  I'm jealous of how cute she looks in hats.)

I had no plans of meeting Liz on our family vacation and didn't even know I'd be close to her until she messaged me when I posted a picture of us at the airport.  So Chris, Addilyn and I drove back to Buffalo, NY during the week and I got to meet her and Emma (and Liz's sweet friend Brittany) for lunch.  

And it was wonderful.  When I got home my mom asked if it was awkward or if we ran out of things to talk about.  Not at all.  I'm pretty confident we could spend all day together and have plenty to talk about.  I wish weren't so far away and am working on getting Liz and Emma to make a trip out to Chicago sometime! 

Now I can't lie and tell you I didn't start thinking on the way home about what dumb things I might have said, or if I was a good listener or made a good impression.  But Liz texted me and said she had a great time, so let's hope she wasn't lying. 

Sharing your life on the internet is a little weird at times.  Counting people you've never met as real friends seems strange.  But what a blessing to connect with others that are in the same stage as you, to pray for and encourage each other and then to get to meet, hug and have your sweet girls meet too.  

Thanks Liz for driving to meet us!  We LOVED it.  

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