The other day Chris was talking about how he was wishing he could call his grandpa and tell him about his new business and our baby. This last year and half we lost all four of our grandpas. It's sad for me to think about how we didn't get to tell them we're pregnant and our daughter won't met her great grandpas. I also feel sad that my grandpa isn't here to pray for my baby daily, like he prayed for us to get pregnant.
In the last week or so more people in my life have found my blog. And my first response to that is to feel embarrassed and self conscious. It was over a year before anyone besides my family and a few friends knew I had a blog. And I'm thankful for that. It was so nice to not second guess what I wrote or worry about what others may think. I think this was especially true when it came to posting details about our infertility journey. Writing things for people you don't see is much easier. With that being said, I should probably get over it and not worry what others may think but that's easier said than done!
I've had a hard time with the weight I've gained during this pregnancy and all the changes my body is going through. Before getting pregnant I worked out every day and with being on bed rest for the most of the first trimester and then not being able to work out the same, it's been hard to feel like I have no control over what is happening with my body. I'm afraid of gaining too much weight and fear not being able to get back in shape. And then all these feelings make me feel selfish and ungrateful that I am pregnant and able to carry this baby.
I always thought Chris would be an amazing dad. When we first starting trying to get pregnant he was really excited, but I think the waiting we did and what we went through to get pregnant has made him more excited and more ready to be a dad. The other day he told me that throughout the day he thinks about meeting our daughter and can't wait to hold her. He asks me every time I'm laying down if she's moving and wants to feel her. He prayers for her every night and it's so clear that he is already in love with our baby. I have no doubt in my mind that he is going to be the best dad and I'm so thankful for him.
