Last Sunday we went to church and we had been having a really good weekend. Chris and I went out to his work party on Friday night, Saturday I got to go to a movie with my sister in law. Chris took Addilyn swimming at the Y and was almost done cooking dinner when I got home. We had friends over, our house was relatively clean and dinner was delicious. Sunday morning I had the somewhat rare occasion where I loved what I was wearing, and felt good about myself. Despite Addilyn crying when we dropped her off at nursery I felt good that we were at least there, when it's easy for me to find excuses not to come because I hate that she cries during the service.
All in all, I was feeling pretty good about us.
Worship is one of my favorite parts of church, maybe my most favorite. I often get emotional as we sing songs and I think about getting my heart right with God. We started singing the song Jesus, Son of God and got to the line the cross was enough. Over and over we sang it.
I started thinking about what makes me feel good about life. This morning it was having time with just Chris and I, having time with my sister in law, finding an outfit I felt good in, and feeling like this weekend we had our stuff together. But none of that really matters.
God didn't forgive me for all my sin because I had a nicely decorated house or because our family had a fun weekend together. It's easy for me to find my happiness in other things. And there's nothing wrong with those things, but I realized I was basing a lot of my attitude lately on how I felt about our circumstances.
I want the cross to be enough for me. To find my fulfillment in what God has done for me and who His is, not what I am doing. Not in my circumstances or not in how well I can control things.
On the altar of our praise, let there be no higher name