The cross was enough

Last Sunday we went to church and we had been having a really good weekend.  Chris and I went out to his work party on Friday night, Saturday I got to go to a movie with my sister in law.  Chris took Addilyn swimming at the Y and was almost done cooking dinner when I got home.  We had friends over, our house was relatively clean and dinner was delicious.  Sunday morning I had the somewhat rare occasion where I loved what I was wearing, and felt good about myself.  Despite Addilyn crying when we dropped her off at nursery I felt good that we were at least there, when it's easy for me to find excuses not to come because I hate that she cries during the service.  
All in all, I was feeling pretty good about us.  
Worship is one of my favorite parts of church, maybe my most favorite.  I often get emotional as we sing songs and I think about getting my heart right with God.  We started singing the song Jesus, Son of God and got to the line the cross was enough.  Over and over we sang it.  
I started thinking about what makes me feel good about life.  This morning it was having time with just Chris and I, having time with my sister in law, finding an outfit I felt good in, and feeling like this weekend we had our stuff together.  But none of that really matters.  
God didn't forgive me for all my sin because I had a nicely decorated house or because our family had a fun weekend together.  It's easy for me to find my happiness in other things.  And there's nothing wrong with those things, but I realized I was basing a lot of my attitude lately on how I felt about our circumstances.  
I want the cross to be enough for me.  To find my fulfillment in what God has done for me and who His is, not what I am doing.  Not in my circumstances or not in how well I can control things.  
On the altar of our praise, let there be no higher name Jesus son of God You laid down your perfect life You are the sacrifice Jesus Son of God
Be lifted higher than all you've overcome Your name be louder than any other song There is no power that can come against your love
The cross was enough The cross was enough 

Giving In

 tee: shade clothing maternity     pants: walmart     scarf: gap

First thing:  I don't want this post to sound like I answered the interview question: "What is your weakness?" with "I just don't know when to stop working," or "I love the kids too much and take my work home with me."  Because I truly do this to a fault and will hopefully communicate what I am trying to work on. 
I have a very hard time giving into things.  I've always been really stubborn and disciplined and I think that can be a good thing and has.  A good thing when training for a marathon or working really hard at my job.  A good thing with exercising daily and working on the relationships around me. 
But a really poor thing when I try to control everything.  
This pregnancy has challenged me with a whole new level of giving in and it's starting to give me anxiety because I'm not doing it.  Even with little things like giving myself a break with not stressing out about what I eat, how often I'm not exercising and how much weight I'm gaining.  I need to give in to what my body needs to do, and do so with an attitude that this is what I need to do and to be content with it.  

But on a greater note I'm feeling less in control of the future than I ever have.  I don't know what it will look like to be a mom.  I don't have the answers of how Chris and I are going to adapt well and quickly to parenthood.  I don't know the exact time I'm going to go back to work, or how insurance is going to work out.  I can't control how much money Chris makes in his business.  
I'm failing quite miserably at giving in to a future that I can not control.  You may think that I would have learned this already, as I've written multiple posts about giving God control.  But here I am today filled with anxiety about what our future will look like.  My stubbornness and desire for everything to be in order are making me fearful and emotional.  
So I am working on giving in to my body, my relationship with Chris, our finances and our future changing.  Handing over my stubbornness and control and having confidence that God will take care of it.