31 and 32 weeks

I feel like I just wrote a pregnancy update, but that was already two weeks ago.  I guess that's a good thing because I feel like 7 more weeks sounds really long (as I'm 33 weeks today), but they are going pretty quickly.  Not a whole lot has changed since last update.  My sister was just over and told me that she was a little jealous because when I was pregnant with Addilyn at the end I didn't even seem or look that uncomfortable.  But that this time around I do.  And she is right.  Between my crotch issues and just feeling exhausted and tired, I'm ready for this baby to be here!  Of course I want to wait until he is good and ready and really don't want to go into labor now, but as the time gets closer and closer I just want it to be here.  I feel anxious about the details of this labor, of Addilyn's transition to another baby and our family's transition to a family of four.  I'm just ready to get it all started!!  And I can't even wait to hold him and see what he looks like.  
The weather here has been crazy cold and the idea of bundling Addilyn up, getting us in the car and out to errands or even someone's house seems hard.  Yet being stuck at home is not appealing to me either!  I know we'll be stuck at home come March for a little while, so I want to keep doing things, but also take advantage of times Addilyn is happy watching a show or playing.  Can I just say how thankful I am that Addi will sit next to me and watch tv?  And I rarely feeling guilty about it either.  I see it as an answer to prayer and a chance for me to rest. :)  Right??  
Minus a rocking chair and mobile baby boy's room is ready to go and I love it so much.  It's just what I pictured and I LOVE it!  I'm excited to share pictures.  
Baby boy we can't wait to meet you and I am so ready!!

Body Double

sweater: c/o shein   leggings: costco   boots & scarf: dsw
I was watching Keeping up with the Kardashians yesterday and found out when Kim was pregnant she had a body double that would come to her house.  She'd put on a fake baby belly and try on her clothes, then take pictures in them because Kim was too tired to try them all on.  
Now the ridiculous thing about that isn't that she was too tired to try on all her clothes.  The other day I wanted to try on some clothes to figure out what to wear for our maternity pictures coming up, and gave up after one pair of pants, a pair of boots and two shirts.  It was seriously hard work and I was tired.  
I'm sure that job pays good money which I can't do, but if any wants to come over with a fake belly and try some clothes on for me I'll pay you with fruit snacks and cheese fries.
Also I realize I am wearing leggings as pants.  If I would've had a body double to try it on first that wouldn't have happened.    

I was a runner

dress: old navy   belt: target   shoes: dsw 

I've considered myself a runner for at least the last 8 years or so.  I have finished a few marathons, half marathons and other races.  But a week or so ago my confidence in my ability to still be a "runner" was a little shattered.  

I had every intention of being one of those pregnant woman that run up until they are due.  Well that quickly went out the window when I was on bed rest for a big chunk of the beginning of my pregnancy, then too scared to be running and then too late to start running while pregnant.  So I've stuck to walking. 

I was walking outside the other day and a bee flew in my hair.  Which I think will always make me run.  I ran probably 5 yards.  You would have thought I ran at least a mile.  Running with this belly was a complete change in my sense of gravity and I immediately felt like I was front heavy, carrying another person.  Oh wait I guess I am.  But a very very small person. 

I was out of breathe, hot, tired and then also slightly concerned.  

It's hard to imagine getting back into running shape and becoming a runner again. But I sure plan on working on it in the Fall.  

On a different note this may be my favorite maternity outfit so far.  I got this dress this Winter at Old Navy for less than $5.  It's not a maternity dress, just extra baggy! 

Giving In

 tee: shade clothing maternity     pants: walmart     scarf: gap

First thing:  I don't want this post to sound like I answered the interview question: "What is your weakness?" with "I just don't know when to stop working," or "I love the kids too much and take my work home with me."  Because I truly do this to a fault and will hopefully communicate what I am trying to work on. 
I have a very hard time giving into things.  I've always been really stubborn and disciplined and I think that can be a good thing and has.  A good thing when training for a marathon or working really hard at my job.  A good thing with exercising daily and working on the relationships around me. 
But a really poor thing when I try to control everything.  
This pregnancy has challenged me with a whole new level of giving in and it's starting to give me anxiety because I'm not doing it.  Even with little things like giving myself a break with not stressing out about what I eat, how often I'm not exercising and how much weight I'm gaining.  I need to give in to what my body needs to do, and do so with an attitude that this is what I need to do and to be content with it.  

But on a greater note I'm feeling less in control of the future than I ever have.  I don't know what it will look like to be a mom.  I don't have the answers of how Chris and I are going to adapt well and quickly to parenthood.  I don't know the exact time I'm going to go back to work, or how insurance is going to work out.  I can't control how much money Chris makes in his business.  
I'm failing quite miserably at giving in to a future that I can not control.  You may think that I would have learned this already, as I've written multiple posts about giving God control.  But here I am today filled with anxiety about what our future will look like.  My stubbornness and desire for everything to be in order are making me fearful and emotional.  
So I am working on giving in to my body, my relationship with Chris, our finances and our future changing.  Handing over my stubbornness and control and having confidence that God will take care of it.  

I don't understand

skirt:  tjmaxx   tank: shadeclothing  maternity   vest: loft    necklace: groopdealz 

I don't understand how I'm supposed to sleep comfortably in my bed after finding a tick crawling on me the other night while in bed, and then another one on our wall the next day.   And I don't understand why I felt the need to take a picture of it and share it with you.  I'm sorry.  It really it too disgusting.  

I don't understand why my belly has started growing sideways instead of straight out.  Isn't that the wrong way?  I don't understand why last week I lost more than a handful of followers and how to not let that bother me a little. I don't understand how I am supposed to have energy after school when it is in the upper 80's outside and I'm in an non air conditioned classroom with 21 sweaty, restless kids who are ready for summer, with a pregnant belly that makes me even more sweaty and tired.   I don't understand why all shows end in May.  I would much prefer 90210, Modern Family and Parks and Recreation to continue throughout the summer.  Speaking of tv shows, I don't understand why Netflix sucks me in with the first two seasons of shows like Sister Wives and Hart of Dixie, but doesn't have the rest of the seasons available.    I don't understand why my sister has to go back to Vermont after visiting this weekend.  Wishing she could stay! and I don't understand why I forgot to pick a winner for the Target giftcard giveaway.  Congratulations to Deborah Rose!  Email me at katiejvale@yahoo.com and Lindsay and I will get you your prize.