tee: shade clothing maternity pants: walmart scarf: gap
First thing: I don't want this post to sound like I answered the interview question: "What is your weakness?" with "I just don't know when to stop working," or "I love the kids too much and take my work home with me." Because I truly do this to a fault and will hopefully communicate what I am trying to work on.
I have a very hard time giving into things. I've always been really stubborn and disciplined and I think that can be a good thing and has. A good thing when training for a marathon or working really hard at my job. A good thing with exercising daily and working on the relationships around me.
But a really poor thing when I try to control everything.
This pregnancy has challenged me with a whole new level of giving in and it's starting to give me anxiety because I'm not doing it. Even with little things like giving myself a break with not stressing out about what I eat, how often I'm not exercising and how much weight I'm gaining. I need to give in to what my body needs to do, and do so with an attitude that this is what I need to do and to be content with it.
But on a greater note I'm feeling less in control of the future than I ever have. I don't know what it will look like to be a mom. I don't have the answers of how Chris and I are going to adapt well and quickly to parenthood. I don't know the exact time I'm going to go back to work, or how insurance is going to work out. I can't control how much money Chris makes in his business.
I'm failing quite miserably at giving in to a future that I can not control. You may think that I would have learned this already, as I've written multiple posts about giving God control. But here I am today filled with anxiety about what our future will look like. My stubbornness and desire for everything to be in order are making me fearful and emotional.
So I am working on giving in to my body, my relationship with Chris, our finances and our future changing. Handing over my stubbornness and control and having confidence that God will take care of it.