recently . . . .

I shared this on my social media pages last week, but figured I'd write it out here too.  I've been wanting to share more about my health issues lately, as it has felt a little lonely and has been incredibly hard.  I know a huge part of getting support and help, starts with asking for it and sharing your story.  So, here is what is going on with me lately . . . 

Two months ago I got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis after months of joint pain and fatigue. I’m still in the process of figuring out symptoms and medicine and everything that goes with it.

There’s part of me that feels like people get diagnosed with more daunting things and that I need to deal with it and move on.

But then there’s part of me that knows it’s okay to grieve this diagnosis and let myself feel all the feelings. I’ve felt out of control of the symptoms that are happening to my body, despite working so hard to take care of myself. While I’ve had better days, I’ve had no pain or symptom free days in many months and it’s been exhausting and frustrating.

A part of me feels really anxious with a diagnosis that has the word long term in it, affecting your physical capabilities. And to wonder when I’ll feel like myself or what the years down the line could look like.

And then the determined conquering part of me is slowly coming through, where I know I’ll figure this out. And I know I’m strong and can handle whatever I’m faced with.

So while I’m in the middle muddling through these feelings here is what I know.

God is bigger than any health issue, symptom or fear. And I will not live in anxiety just because I do not have control. I know that God loves me and is capable of healing and can take care of me in my pain and frustrations. And that he made me strong and determined, and that I can handle this.