. . . for Lauren and Lauren: Thoughts

December 18, 2013


I am in a stage where I feel like our house is full of too much junk.  I want to get rid of so many things but lack the energy to do it.  We have boxes and bags filled with stuff to give to goodwill in our basement and garage and we just need to get it there.  I want to simplify and feel overwhelmed with stuff everywhere but don't know where to start.  

I've done more sponsored posts lately and sometimes it worries me that it will make my blog less appealing, but honestly it has been really nice to make some money blogging, and I try to only say yes to things that I would use and fit into things I'm interested in.  

I think about the four embryos that we lost throughout our struggle to get pregnant.  I think about the babies that should be in our house.  What they would look like and what their personalities would be like.  Having Addilyn, and knowing what those tiny little embryos turn into, makes me think of them almost more than I thought I would.  I'm beyond grateful for this one precious life that we were given, but still think about those four babies. 

I really want to sign up for the Chicago marathon next October.  I've wanted to do it again and said maybe once I had a baby I would.  I think it would help me to have a goal and something that was just for me.  However I am really not positive if I could do it.  Physically or mentally.  I can't even imagine running five miles right now, let alone 26.  I have until March when registration opens to decide.  

I mentioned it before but I really need to work on eating less sweets.  I was doing good for awhile (meaning I stopped eating a dessert after lunch.  And okay, who I am fooling, after breakfast too) but then our house became filled with baking goodness and we've been to a few dinners and parties with lots of temptation that I didn't really even try to fight.  I feel like trying to quit sweets during the holidays altogether is like trying to run a marathon when the most you've ever run is one mile. 

I can't even wait for Christmas next week and experiencing this time of year with Addilyn.  The other night I was just staring at our three stockings hanging by our fireplace and sometimes it is still surreal to me that we are a family of three. 



Simply LKJ said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Sweet Katie...yes, what a blessing to have that sweet baby girl this year. But, it is okay to mourn the loss of the others. I know it is hard to see now, but God had a purpose in it all. I know you have a much greater appreciation of motherhood and your sweet baby girl then most who have no problems getting pregnant and have several children. And because of that, I know you will be a wonderful mother to her. As for the marathon...girlfriend...I couldn't run a 1/4 mile right now. But, if it is something you truly feel led to do, you can do it. Pray for direction, He will see you to the finish line if you choose to go ahead with it. I think at times we all feel smothered by the "stuff" around us. It feels good to clean out. My suggestion, enjoy the holidays, don't worry about it now. January is always about new beginnings...do it then. Ask a trusted friend or a family member to watch sweet Addilyn for a few hours, or even a day...clear out then, donate, trash, etc. and start the New Year fresh. Wish I lived closer, I would love to help out!!

Emily said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I totally love your blog. I love how real it is. :). And yay for babies and Christmas! Your three stockings are adorable! And I say, go for the marathon! What a great goal!

Sybil@PeaceitallTogether said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You can do anything you set your mind to! But, those things that you're not getting to may not be important right now. There will be a time for all of it, but don't push yourself. Wait until you feel really ready. Of course, that's just my opinion :) There are times when I think of my miscarried baby and wonder why he or she wasn't allowed to join us in this life. It's still hard, and it's been almost 12 years since it happened. Praying for you, my friend.

Kristin said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I get the sweets thing. I've had no self-control lately. Ugh. It's only going to get worse before it gets better, right?

Ashley said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I just love those stockings!!! I need to make some for next year!

I often think of how different our life would have been had our sweet embryos had made it. The possibilities of twins just blew my mind, or knowing the loops our very first embryo had to jump through, had it survived the strength of that child would have been impeccable. But knowing that this sweet babe in my belly growing and kicking a way, a sure sign of life and Gods work, just amazes me daily! Now I focus on where my life is going instead or where it could have been! Living this reality is way better than I have ever dreamt it!

Amy said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I really feel for you and those 4 lost babies <3 you are a great mother, and I love all your pictures of your sweet daughter! I really enjoy your posts that aren't sponsored but you really don't make the posts that are sponsored awkward to read at all! I love your stockings!

Jennifer @ Delightfully Noted said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Ugh.....thank goodness I am not the only one going through #1 right now. Our house and all the junk has been driving my mind crazy. Like I feel like it so out of control (closets, drawers, etc) that I just become overwhelmed and then I don;t know where to start so I ignore it. I also agree about the embryo thing....sad fact of life;(

Desiree Macke said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I feel like every time we try to clean out our house of "stuff" we accumulate even more. It's a never ending cycle.
You CAN run a marathon! You've already crossed some pretty big finish lines any finish lines… What are a few miles?

two birds said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

#1 is my life. one of our cars right now is dedicated to bags of donation stuff. i just need to get it to the store!!

Susan Jeffries said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are such a sweet girl. I can relate to this whole post today. I purge our house at least once a year. I have had two garage sales this year and need to have another! I really need to work on minimizing my purchases!! We also suffered through ten years of infertility. I used to think it was crazy to grieve for a baby I had never seen - but not anymore. Its ok(: And go for that marathon - or do a half! Whatever suits you(: Blessings ! Susan

Jessica said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Beautiful post. and yeah I cannot imagine the feeling of loosing 4 babies but God is awesome and he gave you your precious daughter! I hope that you have a WONDERFUL first Christmas with her! <3

Always Maylee said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I've been trying to declutter our house before the baby arrives because I know I will feel the same as you afterwards. You are a wonderful mommy and Addi is precious. Christmas is going to be so special this year for you!

xo, Yi-chia
Always Maylee

Monique Grattan said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I love your stockings!
I honestly love that you blog everyday! How do you do it? I have been trying to...but it's just hard. Keep up the good work!

Helene in Between said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I feel the same way about sponsored posts. I just feel like I never know if im losing readers because of it! and that must be hard to think about, but as time progresses and you have your sweet child I think the pain will ease.

Rach @ This Italian Family said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I am so thankful you have your sweet little girl, but I know that doesn't take the pain away from losing those four babies.

On a much less serious note, I love your stockings!

Allyssa said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I love those Chervron stockings super cute! I'm sorry that you're dealing with being sad over not having more babies, but God has a purpose for everything, even thought we can't necessarily see it now. Hang in there, my friend!

Brianne Bracco said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I am chalking this month off to a sweetness loss haha. Beginning of the year I need to get back on track! And I think you can do the marathon! You're such a strong and determined individual my friend. I have nothing but faith in you :)

Head to Toe Chic said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

oh my goodness, that first picture is soooo cute!!! and your 3 stockings are so perfect. enjoy your first Christmas as a family of 3 :)


Jodi said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I have several bags of stuff that I've been saving for a yard sale. I just want to throw it all away but then I can't sell it to raise money for MS. But will I ever really have a yard sale? Ugh!!

And yeah on the trying not to eat sweets. I'm failing too. Jan 1 is a fresh start!!

Bailey@Lost&Found said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I had my baby 7 weeks ago, and I feel ya on the sweets- and running. As much as I love every second of being a mom, having that piece of chocolate or cookie gives me something to look forward to in my day that has nothing to do with baby (yes, this is pathetic). Also, it gives me that little boost or distraction when my little man decides to cry and cry for no reason at all... Instead of signing up for a full marathon (which i'm sure you could do), maybe start with something a little less overwhelming? I was going to sign up for a 10k about 6 months from now, then a 1/2, and maybe a full down the road. Because honestly, I couldn't imagine training for any race right now, especially since my baby hates his carseat and he's still too little to sit in the stroller without it.

Hope you have a great Christmas!

alittlehopex said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Sounds like your brain is cluttered.
Mine is a hot mess.

Everything will clear in the new year I'm sure!

I will always read your blog. Always.

- Manda