I feel like the older I get, the wiser I should become. The more profound things I should have to say about another birthday. Yet, I don't think I have much to say about turning 31 tomorrow.
I read a chapter in Jen Hatmaker's book, For the Love, a few times now and she wrote about turning 40. On how you stop caring about what other people think, and how you become more confident in your own skin. I don't want to wait until I'm 40 for that! But yet, struggle with that now. I want to stop worrying about what I look like, how bad the bags under my eyes will be after no sleep for over a year come March. I want to be confident that I'm exactly who I should be, and not be afraid of what other people may think. To know that I have different personality traits and handle things differently and that it absolutely okay.
So maybe this year that's my thing. To be more comfortable and confident in who I am. To know that God made me more introverted. He made me with homebody tendencies, yet with a high need to feel loved and pursued. And to be okay with those things, and know what I need to be energized and to feel loved. To not feel bad about saying no to things and guarding my time at home with Chris or by myself, and not feel lame for choosing a movie on the couch over going out with friends. Or feel like a loser because I like to get in bed before ten every night. To not let a rude comment from a stranger have any affect on my day. To know that I was a really great teacher and those skills aren't lost on staying home with Addilyn.
That if anything I'll be the mom bordering on the hovering side, but that I struggle to feed my daughter well rounded healthy meals. I struggle letting Addilyn be unhappy with something, but I know I need to and it's hard for me. That I love her more than anything, but have never wanted to wake her up because I missed her when she was sleeping. That I may just cry when you tell me my daughter didn't do great in Sunday School or childcare when I pick her up. That I find it enjoyable to decorate my house and make things, but that I usually don't feel motivated to sit and read a book. That I'm not interested in talking about politics and I like using medicine and not pure, organic anything. That I love talking to people and friends face to face but will happily avoid most phone calls. That I probably expect too much out of friendships, and need to adjust my expectations. That I overanalyze text and facebook messages and probably read too far into things. That I am one of the most high maintenance sleepers and suck at sleeping in general. That I am really sensitive and feel lonely easily. That I am stubborn and hate giving up, and am sure I passed that gene right along to Addilyn.
And that God just made me easily annoyed. Just kidding. I know that it my own fault and I probably shouldn't just accept that one, but work on it. We'll save that for year 32. Sorry Chris.
So here's to my year 31. To being more confident and content with who I am and not waiting until 40 to do so!