. . . for Lauren and Lauren: a jealous heart

April 9, 2012

a jealous heart

vest: Old Navy  shirt: Rue 21  pants: Kohls  shoes: Target 

 Jealousy is a terrible feeling that has started creeping more and more into my life this year. 

The other day I found out that two more of my friends are pregnant.
Two of my friends just had babies, and I was envious of them when I found out they were pregnant.  

Sometimes I even have a hard time looking at a complete stranger who is pregnant without wishing that it was me.

 and I hate that I feel that way.

This last weekend Chris and I got to get away for a night and I was realizing how happy I am when it is just me and him.  When I remove us from everything around us I feel happier and more content with where God has us in life.  

Sometimes I think life would be easier if it were just the two of us, and I wasn't comparing my life to anyone else.  I find myself basing my happiness on what I lack or where my life is not, compared to those around me.  

Even if there was no one else around us, I still desperately want a baby.  BUT it definitely makes it harder when I see everyone else getting what I so badly want.  

And this comparing and jealousy goes into other areas of life too.  
I absolutely love my house and wouldn't want to live anywhere else.
But when I see the prices and sizes of houses selling now I am often jealous.  

I'm happy and proud of my abilities to do certain things, like running, teaching or even writing this blog.
But when I compare myself to others that do it better, I can get jealous.

I was listening to this song by the Avett Brothers and while I think he's referring to greed with material possessions, I related it to my situation.
(listen to the song here)

I am sick with wantingAnd it's evil and it's dauntingHow I let everything I cherish lay to waste
I am sick with wantingAnd it's evil how it's got meAnd everyday is worse than the one beforeThe more I have the more I think:I'm almost where I need to beIf only I could get a little more
I need for somethingNow let me break it down again
Something has me Oh something has me Acting like someone I don't wanna be. 


God has given me countless blessings.
And I want a heart free of jealousy and envy.
I want to be more content with exactly the place in life where God has put me.  While I fail over and over at this, I know that God is working in my heart to trust that He knows what is best for me.

" . . . for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." (Phil. 4:11)





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29 comments:

Lauren said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I miss you. I love you. I'm praying for you.

Mrs. Pancakes said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

cute and simple outfit indeed!

Faith said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

It is incredible how jealousy works .... Sometimes wears so busy wishing we had what others have and don't realize all that we also have!

Praying that you are blessed with a baby very soon :)

Kerrie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

oh sister, you know I feel you. But your right, when it's just you and your husband, life feels complete. It's so hard not to compare. Still praying for you Lauren! Love you!

Mrs. Kindallicious said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Your outfit is fabulous! Your post was very honest and it hit very close to home. I have been feeling like this a lot lately. I hope things get better!

Kimmie @ Sugar and Dots said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This post is great! I'm new here...decided to say hi and not be a lurker. :) Love your blog so far- off to check out the rest of it! Have a wonderful week, sugar. xo

Laura said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I have to say that I know where you're coming from. Before my husband and I made the decision to be a family of two I was insanely jealous...about everything! It began with babies and moved on to jobs and houses. it's so hard to remember in those times what you have to be thankful for - it's easy to think about everything you wish you had. I admire you for admitting your jealousy. I believe it's completely normal and everyone goes through it. One of my best friends has been trying to get pregnant for over a year and another has been doing fertility for two + years with two years before that trying without anything.

You are lucky. You just have to remember that.

Michelle said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

It is SO hard to not compare yourself to others or measure our happiness by what we do or don't have... I struggle with that all the time! Hope you start feeling better!! And love your outfit :)

Michelle said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

It is SO hard to not compare yourself to others or measure our happiness by what we do or don't have... I struggle with that all the time! Hope you start feeling better!! And love your outfit :)

Chrissy + Nate said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Girl, I am right there with you. I am constantly comparing myself to others: with blogging, teaching, if I'm as "good" of a Christian as someone else, even with how I dress! And although Nate and I aren't ready YET for babies, it still puts a tug on my heart when someone else is pregnant and I am not in that stage yet. Like you said, it is all in God's timing. And He will not give up on you: you and Him will get through this together. I have had to tell myself that again and again. Like the song says, "Your [God] love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me." Have a good week, you aren't alone sister!

Mrs. Dossome said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

My husband and I tried for 5 years to get pregnant with our second child. It took me a long time to come to a place where I felt happy and content with the blessings in my life. As soon as I made the decision to stop trying, my husband and I sold everything from our first baby in a yard sale. The next month, we found out we were pregnant! Life is crazy and spastic and unexpected. Keep the faith! :)

Dossome

http://ataleoffashion.blogspot.com/

Suz said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

LOVE this post because I struggle with jealousy all of the time. Remember that your condition at this moment in life is your calling from God, and He wants you to be exactly where you are. Keep praying, but don't forget to take advantage of the position God has put you in!

Kristin said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Every time I see a couple holding hands, I feel the jealousy rise up in me.
Everyone has a different path that they're on. No two are alike. That's what I tell myself when I start thinking about my situation with deployment.
We aren't necessarily ready to have kids, but when I see people my age with 3 kids, I start thinking that maybe I'm doing something wrong. Comparison is definitely the thief of joy!

Lauren Shaw said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I love you Katie Jane. Your honesty and vulnerability are such a gift. I am praying for you. And, by the way, I wore that vest yesterday. And will wear it again today. But then I will wash it, I promise : )

Mae said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I can totally feel this way too! Thanks for writing about it!!!! You rock!

Annie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

LOVE that military vest - you look SO cute! And I think there are times we all feel like what we have isn't enough - which is why I love this post, it's so awesome that you can recognize that what you do have is a blessing, and it gives me a reminder to do the same. So thanks Katie - you are wonderful :)

Annie
The Other Side of Gray

TheTinyHeart said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

First of all, that polka dot shirt is adorable. I think everyone can relate to this post and the feeling of being jealous of something or someone. I think it's important to just concentrate on what we do have :)

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart

Jennifer @ Delightfully Noted said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh boy do I hear you on the pregnancy/jealousy thing. I think it's human to be envious from time to time but definately an issue if it consumes you. The good thing is your outfit is adorable and I especially love the color of the shoes!

Shanda said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I'm so sorry. I think we all get jealous at times but it can be so much worse when you want a baby. I remember those days and I have another friend going through it now. I pray peace over your heart.

Denise said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Very cute.

Lisa @ Organized Chaos said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I know the feelings of jealousy especially when they are baby related...I lost my full term baby boy back in '04 and it took me a LONG time not to resent other people for the perfectly healthy babies they were toting around on their hips. I'm sorry you guys haven't gotten what you've wanted yet...there is a reason that only HE knows and HE also knows exactly what we need...even though we might want more. ((hugs)) to you~
~Lisa

Emma Litton said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Great blog post.

xo,
Em

Amy said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I really love this! Jealousy is something that I've been struggling with too. In all honesty, I think it's always been something I struggle with, just sometimes more prevalent than others. But like you said, I know God is using this to show me that I can always trust Him, and rejoice in knowing that His plan for me is perfect. I bet that alone time that you two have is pretty special :) Glad you are enjoying it!

Emily said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Cute outfit. I think we all go through times where we are jealous of what we want. You are totally normal. Bet me there are a few people that are jealous of you for multiple reasons. You are absolutely adorable!
Creamy

Ly said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Jealousy is a vicious thing sometimes. You have to remember that your happiness is the most important. There is no point being jealous of other people.

http://www.lyzhang.com

memory said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

It's hard to be content at times. The road gets rocky and it never seems to end. I love your attitude of making the best and enjoying what you have.

Love your colorful shoes!

SoUtHeRnPiNkY.bLoGsPoT.cOm

Jami said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

what a great post! I think this is something we all struggle with. We have to remember to trust where God has us and His provision. Sometimes that easier said than done.
Thanks for linking up ;)

J and A said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I could have written this post. Seriously. Waiting. Comparing. It's so so hard and heart breaking. Sending big hugs and lots of hope.

Amanda Nicole said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This is such an amazing post. I'm so glad that there are bloggers out there like you who can post such honest posts. Jealousy is awful. I'd give anything not to get jealous. All of my boyfriend's friends are married. I get jealous about it.. but, when the time is right I know it'll happen. Not having a baby right now is giving you more time with your husband. You guys are only making your relationship even stronger by having that time together. A positive and strong relationship is something a lot of people would be envious of.