. . . for Lauren and Lauren: One Year

July 13, 2014

One Year


I may have watched this countless times this week and cried.  I can't even believe I am the mom of a one year old and that a year ago I meet her for the first time.  

A year ago tonight Chris and I headed to the hospital after about ten hours of contractions at home.  I did lots of walking, many hours of waiting and over three and half hours of pushing to meet our sweet Addilyn Jane.  I think about the day she was born and it did not go as I had planned.  My labor was full of way more pain than I had anticipated, a whole lot more pushing than I expected and I didn't get to put her on my chest like I had hoped.  I felt scared and honestly a little traumatized by the whole thing. 


But when I think about the moments I got to hold Addilyn for the first time, it was so worth it.  The nine months of worry and excitement, waiting for our miracle baby.  The exhausting days in the hospital and first days home.  And I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I so badly wish it was possible to go back in time for that moment.  To look at her face and hold her tiny little self for the first time.  To relive the moment when I became a mom.  


It's hard for me to believe a whole year has passed.  How much she has changed and how different our lives our.  Motherhood has been a rollercoaster, full of so many emotions.  I imagine each year after to be the same.  Days of pure joy and contentment.  Days of exhaustion and questioning what I am doing and how am I responsible for raising her.  But at the end of the each day I couldn't be more thankful for Addilyn.  

I feel like for so many months after Addilyn was born I thought that I'd blink my eyes and this whole motherhood role would be gone.  That I was living someone else's life and it wasn't a reality that I was a mom.  These last many months it's finally sunk in that we really are a family of three.  I can't even imagine our lives with Addilyn.  

I don't always understand why it took so long for us to have a baby, but I know that on days that are hard it's given me a new perspective of gratefulness for Addilyn.  I feel so blessed to have a happy, and healthy daughter.  


I'm sad this first year is over.  I miss the baby snuggles, the hours of holding a sleeping baby during the day, and the awe of a precious little miracle.  I didn't expect to be so emotional about her turning one.  About saying goodbye to the baby stage.  But I know there are so many things to come that I will love.  I can't wait for her to run to me and hug me.  To tell me she loves me.   I know there are so many experiences to come and I can't wait to go through them with Addilyn. 

Motherhood has been harder than I thought it would be.  It's been more tiring, and draining and emotional than I had imagined.  But I also couldn't imagine how amazing it would be.  I couldn't imagine how much my heart would be full when I witnessed her first time rolling over or hearing her laugh.  I thank God for making me a mom a year ago.  For giving me a silly, adorable, social, and fun baby girl. 


Addilyn Jane I love you more than you know.  I love your big brown eyes, your little legs and long torso.  I love your wild giggle when you're going after something you know you shouldn't.  I love how you rest your head on my shoulder when I sing you a song before you go to bed.  You fearlessness sometimes makes me nervous, but I love your excitement for new things.  I love how social you are and how happy you get when a friend comes over.  I love how you flail your arms and legs when you're excited about something like going outside, eating blueberries or Molly running into the room.  You make my heart happy and I am so lucky to be your mom.   

Happy birthday sweet girl!  We think you are the best thing ever.   You were so worth the wait.  


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30 comments:

Breanna Faust said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So sweet! Happy Birthday Addilyn!

Seth Snowden said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates
This comment has been removed by the author.
Liz said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

She's beautiful! You're beautiful! And i can't believe that she will wake up a 1 year old!!! Give her a big hug from me & Emma!

Lindsay Ropella said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy Happy Birthday Addilyn!! What a beautiful video. I totally confess to tearing up a bit too. So happy for your beautiful family of three!!

Kayla MKOY said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

AH I cannot believe she's already a YEAR! She is so beautiful and I know you two love her so much!! What a great mom you are :)

Simply LKJ said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Kleenex warning! Happy Birthday sweet girl!!

Rejeana Otte said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

That was beautiful. My little Olivia turns one in a couple of months and I know I'll be a crying mess too. :)

Savanna said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Sweet girl! Happy birthday Addi! Yay for surviving the first year!

Autumn said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy Birthday sweet Addi! Beautiful post, Katie. So much fun is yet to come! :)

Ashley said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy birthday Addi!! Can't believe it's been a year! I feel like you just had her!! Time goes away to fast!!

Nicole @ Haute Runner said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy birthday Addilyn! I have loved following your journey to motherhood and this first year! I felt the same way as you when A turned one but each day is so much fun and even more amazing than I thought.

Megan C said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy birthday Addilyn!! Time really does fly by! Loved this post!

Alyssa said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh my goodness I loved this!! Such an awesome video! That little girl is SO cute! AND I love these new pictures you have! She has the best smile!!

Christina Schergen said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Awwwwwwww!! This is the sweetest!!!! Motherhood is so bittersweet! Happy birthday to your sweet girl!

Stormy said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy birthday to your sweet girl! She is beyond adorable! I'm an emotional wreck after reading this and have been bursting in tears for about a week now whenever I think about the fact that Garrett will be one next month. Where does the time go? Stay little precious babies, stay little.

two birds said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I miss my kids as babies, too, but to have them grow up and to be more "friends" with them is also amazing. Each day is a new wonder...enjoy your time! Happy birthday Addi!!!

Sarah Burton said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy birthday to your precious little girl! Can't believe it has already been a year. That last picture is just perfect. Hope y'all enjoy today!!

Sarah said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

so glad you decided to post! Happy birthday to A!

Linnea said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy Birthday Addi!!

Allison @ Texas Mrs. said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

OMG Katie. That video of you holding her for the first time literally gave me goosebumps. God does AMAZING THINGS. He is so powerful and I know you are so grateful for your daughter! Blessings!

Niki {Glossy Blonde} said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Awww I love the video! Happy one year, sweet Addilyn!

Courtney Kassner said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Well that video definitely made me cry! I feel like I was just reading your blog/IG about Addilyn being born. Can't believe it's been a year already! Happy Birthday Addilyn!

Susannah said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy birthday to your precious baby girl!!!! She is so blessed to have you as her mama!

The Lady Okie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy happy birthday! She's so cute :)

Kelly said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh my goodness, it is crazy how time flies, Happy Birthday Addy!

Agnes Mayer said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy Birthday to your sweet little girl. I know that my labour didn't go anywhere near where I planned but now i have a healthy 5 year old and that's all that matters.

Agi:)

vodkainfusedlemonade.com

Jodi said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I can't believe she is already 1. So exciting. Time flys!!! Love the last photo. So beautiful.

TheTinyHeart said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Happy birthday to Addilyn! I can't believe she's already a year old!

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart

J and A said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I cannot believe it's been a year! What an amazing year!! Happy birthday sweet girl!

eliz said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

The first year is just an amazing year! Happy belated birthday to Addilyn!