It's a slippery slippery slope when you start letting anxiety creep in.
We had Addilyn's one year check up (a month late) last week. We had some worries earlier on with her weight, but chalked it up to her being pretty sick around six months, throwing up often and not eating a lot because of it. For a month or so I got pretty anal about her eating, offering her food all the time and weighing her on our scale. My worries were subsided when we went in for a weight check six weeks later and she gained a little weight. I decided I was making myself crazy and worked hard to not be worried about it.
So I was surprised at her appointment when she had hardly gained any weight the last three months and has continued to drop in percentile over the last six months. I know the doctor is just trying to cover her basis, but that combined with a pretty constant nightly cough, she brought up some scary causes and seemed more concerned than I had expected. She wants us to do a few tests to get the scary stuff out of the way and check for other more common things as well.
I know the chances of her having a serious disease are so slim, but to put that thought in my mind is terrifying. When I let a heavy, anxious thought creep in, it's so hard for me to fight off others. The next day I was running and was worrying about the what ifs, and the thoughts of something being wrong with Addilyn. Although nothing to do with it, I started thinking about our scary incident when Addilyn passed out after falling a month ago. It took awhile for me to get that image out of my mind, but there it was back again. Over and over.
In that moment I was so aware of how Satan tries to sneak his way into my thoughts. To make me feel scared of the future, doubt God's protection and feel anxious. I don't think there is anything wrong with being nervous or wanting to find out answers and feeling unsettled. I think those are the times that God uses circumstances to draw us closer to him. But I do think it's wrong when you let your worry be stronger than your trust for God. I struggle with letting anxiety take over my thoughts. I forget God's truths and feel overwhelmed with worst case scenarios.
It was a reminder that I need to cover myself with God's truths. I want to be able to fight off my worries with His word and protect myself from going down that slippery slope of fear and anxiety. Over and over again I've seen God answer my prayers, calm my worries and take care of my family. And I know he will continue to do so over and over.