During my freshman year of college I started getting really awful headaches. They'd get bad enough that I couldn't remember things like my birthday, where I was, how to find a number on my phone or what year it was. I ended up in the hospital quite a few times and it was an incredibly scary few months. We never found anything beyond severe atypical migraines as they called them. But there were moments and tests and appointments to rule out things as serious as brain tumors. It was traumatic, and hard and taught me a whole lot.
During that time there was lots of tears, fear and a whole lot of praying. As I was going through all of it, my dad called me a Mighty Warrior. He reminded me of the story of Gideon in the Bible when God used him, a small, scared and not quite prepared man to defeat a huge army. "The Lord is with you Mighty Warrior." I clung to that verse a lot during that time.
Years later I clung to that verse when we were going through our fertility treatments and longing for a baby. I wanted to handle the trials I was going through with confidence that God was going to get me through me. That although I felt unprepared and weak, I could fight whatever battle I was going through.
Last year I made a word for the year. It was rest. I wanted to rest in God's presence. To be content where God had me, to rest my anxieties and worries and trust that God was in control. I wanted to spend more time being still in His presence and seeking after Him.
I feel like I am in a pretty "safe" place right now. Sure I question my parenting, I'm tired a lot and I'd love to know when God is going to give us a second baby. But Chris' job is doing well, I'm thankful to be at home with Addilyn, mine and Chris' marriage is in a good place and overall I'm happy. But I want to be ready for God to use me. I want to go after opportunities that may be out of my comfort zone. I want to be a better friend and encourager. I want to be less selfish and more generous with my resources and time.
I've thought hard about a word for the year and I can't think of one. I can't seem to pinpoint an area to describe what I want to work on. I like growth, or contentment or joy but feel like none of them are it. So instead I want to go at this year as a Mighty Warrior. Ready for whatever God has planned for me. Trusting that he is going to prepare me for whatever trial, circumstances or battle I may face. To celebrate victories and blessings of all sizes. To look for opportunities to be used, to be a better friend and a better spouse. To be brave and confident and ready.