. . . for Lauren and Lauren: This is the kind of mom I am

January 26, 2015

This is the kind of mom I am

The last few weeks I've felt overly sensitive, extra emotional and struggling with being confident in motherhood.  Addilyn who is an already clingy, needy baby has taken it up a notch over the the last few weeks and it's been hard.  I've felt overly sensitive to comments of her clinginess or her attachment to me.  I feel like she's jumped from a baby to a toddler and I feel kind of lost in how to parent a toddler. 
Lately I see all these moms on instagram or even my friends around me with kids close to Addilyn's age and I can't even count the number of pictures and stories of potty training attempts and big girl beds.  

Here I am still nursing my not so baby in the middle of the night, a few times during the day, she sleeps in her crib, with a pacifier with no thoughts of potty training or big girl beds.  She says mama about a million times a day, I carry her a lot, and she's super attached to me.  

Honestly I am not in a hurry to get her out of her crib or attempt potty training, but it's hard for me not to think we are behind.  To feel like I don't know what I'm doing and second guess that I've messed up in ways I've mothered and habits I have or haven't set.  

I want to raise an independent toddler with soothing skills to be okay away from me in the nursery or at bedtime.  Or gosh I'd love to know when I'll leave her overnight.  But I I'm not sure how or when we'll get to that point.  I feel like we'll have a victory in the nursery or with someone putting her to bed here or there, and then a step back with me coming home to a crying baby not sleeping, or getting paged from the nursery because she won't calm down.  

I feel pressure to reach certain milestones by certain dates.  But I think the majority of that pressure is from myself.  I need to be more confident in my parenting, and the choices we make for our family.  Also in knowing that a good amount of those things, like her crying in the nursery is her and not anything I have done to make her that way.  

I want to be more confident saying this is the kind of mom I am and stop worrying about what people think.  Because chances are they don't even care.  I'm still nursing my toddler.  I get anxious about leaving her at bedtime because she's in a phase of not handling it well.  I carry her around a lot and probably treat her more like a baby then I probably should.  I don't feel prepared to handle teaching and training a toddler.  But I'm doing the best I can.  I'm pretty sure every mom is doing the best they can.  And that looks different for every mom.  

God picked me to be Addilyn's mom.  God picked Addilyn to be my daughter.  I'm the kind of mom that is overly sensitive  and emotional, and I pray that I can use those emotions and qualities to make Addilyn sensitive, and compassionate.   God gave me a daughter that is stubborn, clingy and a little wild.  And I pray that I can use those emotions and qualities to raise a daughter that is brave and strong and doesn't give up. 

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Lauren said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are the mother that she needs right now. Every child is different in that way. It's okay to baby her and give her a little extra. Remember that comparison is the thief of enjoyment. She'll hit her milestones in time. You're doing just fine, Mama.

Jen V. said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I have a now 4 year old who didn't walk until 18 months, didn't potty train until 3 1/2 years and slept in a crib until she was over 3. I got lots of comments, "advice", etc. and I always felt like she was behind and that I was to blame so I know how you feel. But we are chosen to be the parents for our children because God knows exactly what they need...and that just happens to be us! Hang in there, it looks to me like you have a smart, sweet little girl and there isn't any doubt that she thinks you're the very best!

Carol Hines said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Down the road it won't matter at all and no one will know or remember when she was potty trained or stopped using a pacifier, etc. They all get there eventually. Most people do not care and are not judging you. If they are, it's certainly not your concern. SO THERE!

Carol Hines said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates
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Briita said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are a wonderful mother! My dad was a teacher and now a superintendent and whenever one of my siblings expressed their concern, worrying their child would NEVER potty train my dad always said "I've never seen a kid in kindergarten with a diaper". :) If there's any parents watching how you parent addilyn, chances are they're more concerned about what they're doing wrong and thinking you have everything under control. (May or ay not be speaking from experience here... 😏) You are doing awesome. No parent or child is the same, and that's what makes this world so beautiful! ((HUGS))

Katie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This post was so perfect for me to read today. I've had a rough day today as well, Brax's baby sitter was telling me I spoil him too much and I need to let him know who's in charge and I'm setting him up for a rough road ahead. I just bawled afterward. He;s 10 months and I still can't let him cry it out. I just can't do it. And yeah, maybe I am making my life harder, but he's my baby!! We need to be easy on each other and know that we are all doing our best and want the best for our babies. DON"T COMPARE> You are an amazing mom and Addie is lucky to have you. You are doing great.

Amanda said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Love you sweet girl. You are doing a fantastic job. Don't let others make you feel differently. Keep your chin up and rest assured that I'm sure you aren't the only one who's ever felt this way. You are Addie's mama and you know her best. XO

Camille Griffiths said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

My daughter, who will be 6 in a couple days, was EXTREMELY attached to me as a baby and toddler. She nursed at night until she was 2. I felt that pressure to wean her, and to train her to be more independent. But I just couldn't do it, it went against my instincts. Sometimes I wanted to, I wanted a break for just a few hours! But in the end, she became more independent all by herself. Now she is absolutely FEARLESS. She got on the bus on her first day of Kindergarten happily, and had a great day. I feel like she is so secure and confident because I was always there for her when she needed me. I let her grow up in her own time. Honestly, it felt like she would be a needy toddler forever, but then what seemed like overnight she was this big kid that will barely sit still long enough to give me a hug. Now, with my second daughter, I just enjoy her as a toddler while I can, and forget what everyone else thinks! They really do grow up in the blink of an eye, there's no need to rush it. :)

Sharlee said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I needed this reminder today. JaiseAnn and Addilyn are very similar and I think we are, too. I've been feeling a bit lost and unsure of myself lately. Thank you for the reminder that I'm far from alone.

maria said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are doing just fine! Micha is two and a half, and still sleeps in his crib (luckily! no escaping toddlers for me please :) ) shows no interest in potty training and only recently broke up with his soother (which was a dramatic, but short event)...
I'm sure that by the time she's 18, Addilyn will be pretty independent ;) (that's what I always tell myself, ha!)

Bria said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I was just having a conversation with y husband last night. Universally it is harder to parent a child that has a dissimilar personality from yours. My daughter is very strong willed (from my husband) but a lot of my will was basically beat out of me as a child. Consequently I am unsure and very self-conncious at times, in a deep soul way that I am not sure I will ever be able to overcome. It can be really difficult for me to not just want to set hard and fast boundaries for my daughter because that's what I know - but it doesn't mean that's what's best for her. Ahh this is long and drawn out. But the important thing is, keep going, there is a learning curve for all of us and as my husband always says "she doesn't need perfect she needs you"

Simply LKJ said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Having taught preschool (young 2s to young 5s) on and off throughout the years, I can tell you without a doubt that NOT one single child is alike, nor should they all be parented the same. It is being in tune with your child's needs as well as your own that matter. I have had some of my 2-3s cry when being dropped off, but after a few shorter days, some time in learning the routine and yes mom, being okay, they are now the ones who cry because they don't want to go home. I had one potty trained at the beginning of the year, now I have 7, 3 want nothing to do with it and they are all turning 3 (the magic age you need to be potty trained for most preschools). My youngest stayed in her crib with a paci longer than my oldest, who for height reasons needed to come out. Parent her as an individual, and don't worry about others.

two birds said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Never compare yourself to other moms or your child to other children! I know it's so hard, but everyone is different. She will eventually be potty trained and in a big girl bed, but she will do all of those things WHEN she and YOU are ready, not when everyone around you is ready. Ben is 2 1/2 and is in a crib and nowhere near being potty trained. But I know he will be someday and I am okay with him choosing when he is ready. If we force these things on them, it will only be harder for them and us. Just my opinion! You are an amazing mom and doing a great job raising an awesome kid. Try not to beat yourself up about the little things!

Sarah said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are doing a great job! She's only 18 months old! I have a daughter that's 16 months old and she's a pacifier loving (like needs one in her mouth and holding one in each hand to sleep), crib sleeping, still breastfeeding kid who is perfect. But yes it's hard to see all of your other friends and how their kids are developing. I always remind myself, you don't see any junior high kids still on pacifiers not sleeping through the night, so eventually they'll get it and until then soak it up because one day they'll want you to drop them off a block away from school. Sniff, sniff.

Lauren {Fizz and Frosting} said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I am nowhere near the stage you're at, but I can relate to dealing with confidence in motherhood. My little one went through a very clingy stage recently and I could totally feel my Mother In Law judging me as Layla wailed if anyone else held her. I tried my best to just let it slide. I'm not being a bad mom for trying to comfort my child, and you aren't either!

J and A said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh Katie. This is why I love you. You are an amazing Mom. All kids do things at their own pace. As do Moms. Who cares if she still nurses at night, I miss those nights. Who cares if they still use a soother and are no where near potty training. They will on get there. You are the best Mom to Addilyn and you are doing what you know best. That's all we can do.

Allison @ Texas Mrs. said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I think the attachment that Addilyn feels to you is incredible. I was talking with one of my girlfriends last night about how she thinks it's really important to cater to your baby's needs so that they know they can count on you, and I totally agree. I want my baby to know that I'm always there for her. I want her to be attached to me. You keep up the good work you're doing, momma!

C said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I’ve never commented, but your thoughts/feelings hit close to home (and speaking of home, I also live in northern, IL so hello from a local reader!). I have a 2 year old son and I’ve often wondered if he’s behind. He’s certainly nowhere near being potty trained and his pediatrician says he has a mild speech delay because he doesn’t combine many words yet. But what I’ve noticed is that he excels in other areas. His fine motor skills are amazing and he identifies/says colors (something that children aren’t supposed to do until 3). I’ve noticed this with other friends’ toddlers as well. Where they’re supposedly behind in one area, they excel in another. I think these milestones are taken too seriously. Children learn at their own pace and have their own strengths. I know my son will begin talking more. As long as I’m seeing progress, that’s most important to me. And I know your Addilyn is perfect.  Our littles are only little for so long. I really don’t think it’s possible to hold them too much or comfort them too much. You’re a great mom!

The Life of Poole said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are an amazing mom! Most parents do not have the patience to hold their children all day or cater to their needs of nursing for so long. Finn is almost 18months and he still nurses to sleep, sleeps in his crib for most of the night (which is right next to our bed still) and usually gets up between 2-4am and gets into our bed. We always get asked when we'll put him in his own room or when I'll stop nursing. He does go to a home daycare so he is slightly less clingy for that reason but when we get home from work he is attached to dad basically the rest of the night and is held 75% of the time too. Don't be so hard on yourself. I've learned that most moms are in the same boat, but some choose to only show/tell all these amazing accomplishments like sleeping in a big bed and potty training. I have a feeling that in 4 months when the new baby is here there will be 4 of us in our bed haha!

Christina said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are an awesome mom! I'm facing a lot of the same struggles right now, and I've been feeling like a failure. I've been praying about it, and I feel like God has been asking me to embrace this phase in life. My husband told me that I'm struggling because I can't control a toddler, and I think he's actually right. So, I've been trying to be less controlling and more accepting. My daughter is almost the exact same age as Addilyn, and we are still nursing (which I'll admit I don't mind), still in the crib (I want her in the crib forever!), and the only way that she will sit on the potty is if I bribe her with an M&M. My child is also rather attached to me, but it is slowly getting better for us. You really are doing an awesome job! Don't compare to instagram photos, those families have their own struggles that they don't post to social media. You are not alone mama!

Mrs Gray said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are fully equipped to be Addilyn's mom. God gave you just the spirit, emotions, strength, and every detail you need to be the perfect mother for her. Praying you can rest easy in that today.

Janna Renee said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You do what you've got to do. No one knows what's right for your child but you, and it's a learning process for both of you. {{HUS}}