Last year I chose a word for the year. I thought a lot about it and picked surrender. I knew that I needed to give God control in many areas of my life and God certainly gave me lots of opportunities to do that. Mostly through our struggle to get pregnant, but then once we did, to give over my worries and fears after we had an early scare. I was constantly needing to surrender my fears as I worried over every little cramp or possible concern. I had to learn to surrender when it came to my mom's health this last year when she had to go through open heart surgery. I learned to surrender my fears over the last year when Chris started his own business.
I'm pretty sure that I will forever struggle with my desire to control things and know the outcome of them, and fail over and over to open my hands and let God be in control. But I do think I've learned a lot in that area and am ready for a new word, while I continually work on surrendering.
This year I've entered an entirely different phase of my life and I find myself in new struggles and am faced with opportunities to let God work in my life. This year I'm choosing the word rest.
I want to learn how to rest in the fact that God loves my baby more than I do and will protect her and knows her future.
I want to rest in the role that God has put me in this year and embrace my new "job" as a mom. I want to be confident in the mom that God has made me and stop comparing myself to others. I want to enjoy and soak up these early moments of motherhood and not constantly analyze things and think about what I should or need to be doing.
I want to learn how to rest and be still. I struggle to take a ten minute bath because I honestly don't even know what to do with myself when it is completely quiet. I want to learn how to be still and rest. I don't want to have to fill every second by doing three things at one time. I want to take advantage of silent moments and not fill them with tv, my phone and computer all at one time.
I want to stop being anxious and have my mind constantly running and thinking and worrying. I want to learn how to rest in God's presence.
I want to learn how to rest in the evening. Sleep struggles and unpredictable nights have made many evenings anxiety filled, as I often dread the night to come. I've always struggled with sleeping well at night, which has become even more difficult now that I have shorter windows of possible sleep. I want to learn how to relax and quiet my mind so I can fall asleep when I go to bed. I'm not sure how to get to that point but I want to try to work on it.
I want to find my identity in God alone and be confident and content with the person is has made me and is making me. I want to work on becoming the person that God desires me to be, but I want to rest in His grace because I know I fail over and over.
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62: 1-2