. . . for Lauren and Lauren: One Word

January 6, 2013

One Word

First I have to say that I don't think it is possible to put into words how much I loved and appreciated your excitement for our big news.  I can't tell you how much it means to me that you took the time to tell me how excited you are, how you've been praying and will continue to pray, and all your sweet words.  There is no doubt that I am a lucky.  Thank you.

I've been thinking a lot of this last year and all the things that God has taught me.  I've learned so much and have grown more this year than any other year in my life.  I want to make an effort to use what God has taught me to be a different person.  A person who loves and trusts God deeper.

I love the idea of focusing on a word for the year.  I spent a lot of time thinking about a word the represents an area that I know God has been testing me in and something I can apply to this coming year.

I choose SURRENDER.

Heart surrender

I mentioned it on Thursday night, but we had a really rough start to our pregnancy.

The day before Thanksgiving we got to see our 5 1/2 week old baby's heart beat.  It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.  I truly don't know if I've been happier before.

Friday afternoon, I went shopping with my sisters and started bleeding really heavily.  It was honestly the scariest moment, as I thought that I was losing our baby that we had prayed for, for so long.

We rushed to the doctor's office and through complete panic and lots of tears on our end, the ultrasound technician found our baby's heartbeat.  But also found a really large hemorrhage, which was causing the bleeding.

They put me on bed rest and I spent the next four weeks waiting, on bedrest, hoping and praying that our baby would be okay and that my body would heal.  Each doctor appointment was a tiny bit of progress but every day felt so uncertain.

We waited for two years to get pregnant and I had thought once we heard our baby's heartbeat the waiting would be over.  As if I surrendered my control of getting pregnant but was still holding on to how I thought the rest of the process should go.

When I think about all the things that I love the most they are Chris, my family, and now my little baby.  The things that make me feel secure are my house, my savings account and my job.  There is this big part of me that wants to hold on to these things as tight as I can and not let them far from me.


When I felt like I was going to lose our baby I honestly pictured myself wanting to hold him in my hands, as close as I can to keep him safe for the next eight months.  I picture myself putting all these things I love in a room, shutting the door and holding them, as if that could keep them safe.  As if my protection is bigger than a God who is bigger than this world.

I want this year to be a year where I stop holding on tight to the things I love and the things that make me feel safe.  I want to open my hands and surrender to a God that is bigger than my fears and my feelings of uncertainties.

Because He will always be bigger than those things and I want them all to be held in His hands and not mine.

I want to give up my control, my fears, plans and worries and SURRENDER.





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35 comments:

Ashley said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie....I cannot explain the excitement over your and Chris' news....Such an amazing answer to prayer! And I just know that as you Surrender this year....that God is going to watch over and protect this little baby for you! Rejoicing with you friend!

SHUG IN BOOTS {Beth} said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are SO RIGHT. I was thinking this same thing. Will I be terrified again next time? ... But ... you could always get eaten alive by the 'what ifs' ... because even after the baby is born, you worry. What if ... cancer? car wreck? drug addiction? ... you could let yourself worry and worry and worry, but God's got it ALL in HIS hands. Thanks for being my reminder today. :)

Simply LKJ said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, I know the word you have chosen, "surrender" is both scary and yet a blessing to you. You are right to surrender everything to Him. He will watch over you and the little one you are carrying. He is in control. I went through a bit of a difficult time in my 2nd pregnancy, somewhat similar to yours. He is in control, and knows what is best. Continue to place your trust and faith in Him. And, we will continue to pray along side you. He is in control, give it all to Him.

Ashley said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Soo glad you and the baby are okay!!! I hope you are feeling well!!!! Praying for a smooth pregnancy!!!

Amanda Raborn said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie I LOVE this... Your transparency is one of my favorite aspects of your blog. You are so resilient through everything and your faith is so refreshing! I will continue to pray for you guys and that sweet baby... can't wait to hear more about it! BIG hugs!

Amanda
It's an Easy Life

Jessica said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

beautiful post!! when are you due??

Kristin said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Well said.
My best friend had the *exact* same problem at the beginning of her pregnancy. At about 6 weeks, she ended up in the hospital, getting a blood transfusion.
She now has a 1 1/2 year old. Glad to know that our God is one who can work miracles :)
My phrase last year was "cease striving" (I got that from Jesus Calling), and I think I may need to work on it again this year.

Amanda said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This is an amazing post that I needed to read this moment. THANK YOU for sharing your heart & your word. I too have the hardest time surrendering. I hold on so tightly... As if I have control, anyways? Love you sweet friend :)

Jen said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Beautiful. I'm crying now. No joke.

Laura said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Perfect word and thoughts! I am overjoyed for this amazing blessing!

Ashley said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, I love this so much. What a scary, scary moment. SO glad that sweet little baby is ok...and that you are as well.

Gina Alyse said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Great choice for a word. Surrendering is something I struggle with--everyone does! I loved your way of saying how God's protection is bigger than our own. How true! And what an incredible thought.

I'm currently thinking of my word as well! I wish you all the luck with your pregnancy and your year!

xo, gina

Faith said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This was so beautifully written. It is like the post went right through me and reminds me how I just have to let God. Thank you for that.

I am so happy for you and Chris. Praying that you have a healthy and happy 9 months.

Ocean Dreams said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh sweetie I'm sorry for your scare! I know that God will continue to take care of you throughout your pregnancy and He has his hand on your womb! I hope you rest up and allow your sweet baby to grow as you continue to take deep breaths and leave everything to God. xoxo.

Denise said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Bless you, I love your word.

Helene said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

What a perfect word and so appropriate. I agree, so. Happy for you and for this special time!

Annie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Such a beautiful post Katie, and so true. Again, I couldn't be happier for you & Chris :)

Annie
The Other Side of Gray

Niki Caron said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This is a really moving post, Katie. I'm so glad that you and the baby made it through, and I think what you said is so spot on, that sometimes we have to surrender ourselves to God and His way. He will always protect us in the end. xo

ChatterBlossom said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

A beautiful sentiment and the photo you chose for it was perfect too!
Found you through the giveaway and am your newest follower,
-Jamie
http://chatterblossom.blogspot.com/

Always Maylee said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I am so happy and excited for you. I'm glad you were able to get through that scary time and that you and the baby are both ok. I have been and will continue to send positive thoughts your way! :)

xo, Yi-chia
Always Maylee

shay said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This was my Proverbs 31 email verse of the day -- and it goes perfectly with this post...

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Keeping you in my prayers for a happy and healthy pregnancy!

Lins - Domesticated Working Woman said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are growing so close to God right now. It's incredible how much love you are already feeling for the babe and how your love for God is growing with your belly. Such a sacred time of miracles. I continue to pray.

Kait said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This news made my heart flutter, because no one deserves it more than you. I know you are going to be the sweetest mom and I know I can count on lots of beautiful photos. Congratulations to you and the mister! XOX

still being [molly] said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

seriously so beautiful. i had tears welling up reading it. you have such an amazing heart for Christ and I know, i KNOW He is going to provide for you and the baby and Chris. LOVE it, katie.

Rach @ This Italian Family said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

What a beautiful post. Oh friend, you challenge me so much. Well said.

Treasure Tromp said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

oh my goodness, I had no idea that it was so rough in the beginning. sending you and your lovely family so much love

xoxo
Nicole

Erin Rethemeyer said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie,
This is an incredibly moving post. I am so glad to hear that you and baby are doing well. Sometimes it is ok to surrender to God, He will and is leading you to good and beautiful things.
You are so blessed. I will continue to pray for you and your sweet baby!

smk053078 said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

One word...INSPIRING!!! Thank God everything is okay now. I can't imagine what was racing through your mind. And I noticed that you are calling the baby "him". :) Prayers and love to you will be given throughout the year and this journey!

TheTinyHeart said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I am so glad that you and baby are okay! That must've been incredibly scary. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is an easy one!

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart

Laura said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, this is such a beautiful post! Thank you for the reminder to surrender the things we love to the Lord. I love the line "as if my protection is bigger than a God who is bigger than this world." So convicting!

SO SO happy for you and Chris! I will continue to pray that God keeps your little baby safe to grow strong and healthy, and that you will be able to surrender everything to Him!

Angie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

One of my biggest downfalls in life is not being able to surrender. I LOVED this post!

Jordy Liz said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I can imagine your panic! For the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy, I was riddled with fear that something would happen. I became obsessed over it and worried for no reason. Fortunately, baby is healthy and strong at 31 weeks now! Praying for a healthy pregnancy for you. :)

Jessica @ Here(and)Now said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, what an amazing post. First, I cannot imagine the pain in your heart as your worried about the safety of your baby. But moreover I am so very wowed by your bravery to surrender your insecurities and fears, worries and stress to the One who blessed you with this tiny pea pod to begin with. I am sure the journey will be amazing, but not without its bumps, and you have chosen two strong men to help you through - your loving husband, and our loving Father.
Praying for continued health and calmness over the coming months!
xx
Here&Now

christina said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

i love your word! and I love how already god is a testimony to your babies life!

maria said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Hi Katie!
I found you blog via the Wiegands and our stories are so similar.

My husband and I were struggling with infertility for 4 years before we finally got pregnant (after an ICSI treatment). Now we're happy parents to our five month old miracle baby boy, Micha!

I too had some bad cramping and blood loss at the start of my pregnancy(around 7 weeks in), and I was certain i'd lost the baby. You can only imagine our relief when we saw his little heart beating on the screen the next day!

So happy for you that you're expecting now too!!

God bless you!

Maria
michaandme.blogspot.com