I'm giving myself only ten minutes to write this post as any time I have this weekend where I'm not holding my sick baby I'm trying to rest myself, so I apologize for jumbled thoughts and a random post.
Addilyn woke up really sick on Thursday at about 9:00 and it's been rough ever since. She has some form of bronchitis a croupy cough.
Watching your baby is pain has to be the worse part about being a parent. Every time Addilyn coughs she starts crying and I know she is in so much pain. This weekend she's made faces and cries that we've never seen before and they break my heart. I feel nervous that this is going to turn into something more serious as she still seems so sick this morning.
I feel incredibly lucky to have family close by. Chris had to work on Friday and I had to go back to the doctors for the second time because Addilyn couldn't keep the medicine down and they were going to give it to her in shot form. My dad came over and drove us to the doctor. My mother in law came over earlier to try to help get Addilyn to take her medicine. I know my parents will help me tomorrow as Chris has to work and I can't give Addilyn her nebulizer treatments alone and they'd be happy to give me a break and hold her for awhile.
I've started to get sick myself and feel quite frustrated that it has come at the most inconvenient time.
In the last 72 plus hours there hasn't been more than a few minutes that Addilyn hasn't been held. She coughs so much and has been so uncomfortable we haven't been able to get her to sleep on her own. I get these moments of worry that she won't go back to sleeping in her crib but there is not a part of me that isn't going to not hold her because I know that it what she needs right now.
Sleep deprivation and worry can cause me to be on edge and has brought a few arguments between Chris and I. Parenting makes it harder to feel connected to your spouse when things are going well, but when things are rough, it makes it feel even harder. I need to remind myself that we are a team taking care of Addilyn and things will get better and we'll both have more energy soon.
I think God uses these times to teach us things, and one of the things I'm learning is that a really sick baby puts things into perspective for me. Sleeping problems seemed like such a trivial problem a week ago. While that is trying, a sick baby is a something to be really concerned about and the other things don't seem like things to obsess and worry about.
I've had moments here and there this weekend where I don't feel cut out to be a mom. I feel like I can't handle the scariness of an unhealthy baby and the responsibility that comes with that. I'm reminding myself that God picked me to me Addiyn's mom and will give Chris and I what we need to take care of our baby.
I can't even imagine those families that are constantly dealing with a sick baby or a serious illness. I don't know how they do it. I'm so thankful that we have a healthy baby.
I have no idea what blogging will look like this week as I normally spend a good amount of time working on posts on weekends. Plus I have not been dressed for days and don't think I will in the next few days either. I know it's bad when I've run out of sweatpants because they are all in the wash thanks to baby throw up. Thank you so much for your well wishes and prayers.