. . . for Lauren and Lauren: Blue Lights

July 23, 2013

Blue Lights

I will definitely share Addilyn's birth story soon, but have been thinking a lot about our extra stays at the hospital and wanted to share this first. 


The day after Addilyn's birth the pediatrician told us that she had signs of jaundice and after doing blood work found her count to be really high.  They needed to put her under these blue lights to help her numbers to go down.  Thankfully they put the lights in our room that day so she could stay with us.  They continued to test her blood and each time there wasn't much progress so it kept changing to "tomorrow morning you should be able to go home" or "tonight you should be able to go home."  

We got lucky that they let Chris and I stay an extra day in our room even though we were technically discharged.  Addilyn had to spend Tuesday night in the nursery and I could go in just to feed her. After still not much progress she had to stay Wednesday night as well, but Chris and I had to go home. 


Walking out of the hospital without our baby was so hard for me.  I wasn't worried that she would be okay and get over this jaundice but hated the idea of being away from her.  For the majority of our five days at the hospital I could only hold her to feed her, which at times was stressful and did not feel enjoyable for either of us.  I felt like I was missing out on bonding with, holding and loving my new baby.  I felt like I was getting robbed of time to connect with my baby and a "normal" stay after giving birth.  It was so sad to watch her in her little light box with those huge goggles on and not be able to comfort her.  I worried about her feeling attached and connected to me.

One day in the hospital I was thinking about why God would allow this to happen, when it seemed like such an easy fix to have her blood counts go back to normal.  I was trying to figure out what he could be teaching me through all of this and I think it just comes down to the fact that we are not in control and that God always is.  I had prayed for a baby and many times had said nothing else matters as long as I had a baby.  And I did.  I had a healthy, beautiful baby.  I waited years to hold my baby and just had to wait a few extra days.  


As I spent all day Thursday in the nursery with Addilyn, I was reminded how lucky we were as the nursery was filled with these tiny premie babies that had been in the hospital for days, weeks or months.  Our three day extended stay would seem like nothing to those little babies and parents.  Although still really hard it put things into perspective for me. 

Life is not always going to go how you think it should or even feel you deserve it should go.  Things aren't always going to make sense.  There are circumstances where it seems like God could easily fix and make your life so much easier, but He doesn't.  He doesn't because he wants us to constantly be leaning on Him, remembering all the blessings He's given us and never forgetting that rely on Him.

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33 comments:

Allison said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

And this is why I love you. Thanks for sharing this sweet friend. So glad you are home now with your baby girl!!!

Jen B said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So glad you're now at home with your little girl! The same thing happened to us and we were allowed to stay an extra night even though I was already discharged. The next night we ended up leaving with her but she was under lights at our house for another two days and we had to go in daily for outpatient lab draws. What a blessing to have a healthy baby girl that did get to go home with you after a couple days and did not have to stay in the NICU long-term. I'm sure you're getting lots of good cuddle time now :)

Chrissy + Nate said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Thank you for sharing this! At times when we think we should be in control, He gives us reminders that He is in control and we are to trust and lean on Him. Great reminder, Katie!

Carol Hines said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

If only we could always remember those lessons, but it seems when things are better, we forget. Our family has learned a lot about that this year, haven't we? God is always good and we are always loved.

Erika said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I can't imagine having to leave the hospital without your baby:( You seem to have accepted it in the best way possible, and I hope you two are enjoying hours and hours of cuddles to make up for it.

Jackie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So glad your sweet girl is home. My best friend had twins 2 weeks ago and unfortunately she experienced coming home without them. Her baby girl came home thus past weekend, but her baby boy is still in NICU. It's definitely a struggle for her but she is strong and she is getting through it.

Ginny said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Thank you for sharing this Katie, definitely a great reminder!
Ginny

Jennifer @ Delightfully Noted said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

That had to be rough Katie but so glad you are home and able to hold her nonstop now! Our hospital was being remodeled while we were there so they had the NICU babies on the same floor and in the middle of the night when I was exhausted and felt like I couldn't possibly nurse anymore I thought of those families and what they are going through. I was truly blessed compared to the problems they had!

still being [molly] said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

thank you for sharing this, katie! i can't IMAGINE how hard that must have been. you are an amazing mama already!

Simply LKJ said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I had a feeling that is what happened. Glad you posted about it. And yes, God is in control, and tells us from the very beginning that He knows what is best for us and our children. Sometimes it is not an easy pill to swallow however. Glad you are now home and able to snuggle with that sweet baby girl all you want!

Kirsten Wiemer said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

you are amazing.

K

Kelly {Sparkles and Shoes} said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I am glad she is doing so well now!

xx
Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes

Katie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh Katie, it had to be so hard to leave her...but I just love how you took the time to reflect and connect this experience to a lesson from God. He truly is in control. I'm so, so glad your precious girl is home with you now!

xo-Katie

Kerrie Williams said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I can't imagine how hard that must have been. But you're right. Just because something might seem an easy fix to us, doesn't mean that's God's plan. It's a great reminder that even when things don't go the way we want, He's still good and He's still in control. No matter what. Love you! So happy you're home now with baby!

Suzanne Bruce said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Whew!!! Girrrrrlllll this is so common... When I had my baby 19 years ago they said the same thing... This isn't as big of a deal as you think it is because it happens sooooooo often and especially to girls.... I know how hard it must have been to leave that hospital but you did the right thing.... You are doing a great job!!!!!!!

Bethany Reine' said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

with my first, i had an amazing smooth home delivery. perfect birth story, right? but, i had a retained placenta and ended up having to go to the hospital to have it removed (very painfully!). ARG! i just pushed a baby out so why is it so hard for me to deliver a stupid placenta???

you're right though, God's in control and like most things in life (and definitely parenting!!), it's all about trusting the Lord with what is most precious to you. it all belongs to Him :)

amanda mccool said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I love reading your blog and I am so glad you are finally at home with your sweet baby. As an NICU nurse I know it was hard to leave without her. Good wishes coming y'all's way!

maria said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Thanks for sharing this Katie!
I'm so happy for you that you're all home together now!

Amanda TheLittleBlueBungalow said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You make me tear up!

Laura Caufapé Poca said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Hello blogger!

I'm looking for new followers on my blog. Do you wanna follow back each other?

My blog is: http://thecreativeshoot.blogspot.com.es/

if you follow me I'll follow your blog back!

xxx

Helene in Between said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

oh my god, i can't even imagine walking out of the hospital without her. that must have been so hard! so glad she is finally home!!

the girl in the red shoes said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I can't imagine leaving the hospital without my baby. I'm so glad Addilyn is home with you and doing well. You are so right...God is in control and knows what He is doing! Now you get to hold her all you want! Enjoy your time with your sweet girl!

TheTinyHeart said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So glad she's okay and finally home with you!

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart
Forever 21 Giveaway!

Megan C said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I cannot imagine how difficult that was for y'all. I had juandice as an infant and I know it was hard on my parents. I also learned that it could be something that runs in the family so my child has a chance of having it. It was good to read this, it settled my nerves. But I'm sure that was so difficult. I bet you love having her with you now though!

Lauren | My Polished Side Blog said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

What a heart felt post, Katie! Praying for you as you adjust to motherhood! What a sweet and precious gift you've been blessed with!

Lauren
My Polished Side Blog
Sweet Pea's Party

Laura @ The Everyday Joys said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I can only imagine how hard it must be to leave the hospital without your baby. :( I'm glad she is okay, though!

Brianne Bracco said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Awww sweet sweet baby girl...I am glad she is now ok and home with you. she is so lucky to be blessed with a Mamma like you. You will always show her the positive side to everything. Great quality. :)

Always Maylee said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I'm so happy your sweet girl is home with you. I'm so happy for you and Chris. Those few days must have been so hard, but I'm glad it's over and you're all ok! :)

xo, Yi-chia
Always Maylee

Meg Cady said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh how times have changed! I was a jaundice baby too and the drs literally put me in a bouncy chair in a window with my moms sunglasses on (I have the pictures to prove it).... this might also have something to do with the fact I was born into a hospital that at the time I was born has a total of 3 patients. Oh well clearly I turned out alright!!

So glad your precious angel is home!

Autumn said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So glad she's home with you now!

Denise said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Appreciate you sharing this.

Amanda said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Amen! Love this!

Fzillion Manager said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

What a heart felt post, Katie! Praying for you as you adjust to motherhood! What a sweet and precious gift you've been blessed with!
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