I wrote this post weeks ago and forgot about it. Thankfully while I do still have moments of feeling unprepared, I am not quite in this panic mood. I think that must be one reason you are pregnant for 40 weeks. Because you get to a point where you are so ready for this baby that it outweighs some of your more irrational fears.
I remember one of the first times I flew by myself and I was really nervous. I hate flying, hate crowds of people and hate doing things I haven't done before. I should be embarrassed to add that I was 20 when this happened. And married. I missed my flight and had a bad experience with an airport employee who was not helping me. I called my mom in tears. I remember thinking "I am old enough to be married, but am I not old enough to travel alone and handle this?"
Well I had a similar experience a week or so ago. I had gone shopping with my sister at Target earlier in the day. Realizing shopping at 8 months pregnant - not quite as enjoyable. (Thankfully being with my sister far makes up for it). That morning I was trying to find a pediatrician and figure out insurance stuff that was not working in my favor.
I was headed to a doctor's appointment by myself because Chris was out of town. I have been extremely blessed to have Chris go with me to almost all of my appointments so far. Tears started as I began crying because (on a more selfish level) I felt fat and worried that I'd never enjoy shopping and wearing clothes again, that I wouldn't find the right doctor for my baby, insurance would be too expensive and I didn't want to go to the doctor without Chris.
Then more tears as I thought, "If I can't handle these little things, how in the world am I going to be responsible for this baby?"
To add to it my doctor was talking to me about our pediatrician visits after the baby and said something about going after four days of being home, unless we have an urgent reason to visit like our baby's poop is purple.
Um, purple poop? What? I was too afraid to even ask if that was a real thing.
But now that I am 39 weeks I say bring it on, even if it involves purple poop - I am ready!