. . . for Lauren and Lauren: a new identity

August 27, 2013

a new identity


This last week has been a weird week for me.  For the last six years this week was all about back to school.  I'd spend many hours the week or so before preparing my classroom.  Writing name tags, putting together binders and thinking about and planning for a new group of third graders.  I read post after post on facebook and instagram about first day outfits, feelings and stories.  I had thought that I wouldn't have an ounce of sad feelings about missing it and was really surprised that I did.  I'd get this almost uncomfortable feeling in my stomach that I was supposed to be at school.  That I was missing out on something I should be doing.  Somehow it was hard to believe that everything and everyone was just going to go about their year without me.  Yes. Hello so far off thoughts.  Things will go on just fine without me. 

While I am so glad I'm not going back to school right now, I do miss the excitement of a new year, organizing my classroom and catching up with my friends at school.  There's been many times throughout the days that I've thought about what I'd be doing if I was at school.  Walking my kids to music, teaching math or talking with my teacher friends. 

I was surprised that I had conflicting feelings of my transition to stay at home mom for the time being, as it's still not official when I'm going back.  I know that I want to be at home with my baby, but leaving a job where I've become so confident in to embrace a job that I feel unprepared for is scary.  I had practiced, learned and was successful as a teacher.  While each year or even days brought its new challenges I overall knew what to expect.  As a new mom each day is different, each night unpredictable and I don't know what to expect. 

Teaching was exhausting, especially at the beginning of the year.  But I'd come home, leaving my school work behind, accomplished for the day and to an evening of rest.  For years my main purpose for my days was to teach and take care of eight year olds.  My purpose has completely changed.  There's been days already where I've felt really successful as a mom but then days where I feel exhausted and overwhelmed with my new role.  And unlike my job as a teacher, there is no break.  


It took me a few years of feeling really comfortable and confident as a teacher and I know that those feelings as a mom will take time too.  And just like teaching I know I will have my days of success and days of frustration.  I know it will take me awhile to learn my new role and awhile to adjust to my new purpose. 

 I am so thankful for the extended period of time I get to be at home with Addilyn and thank God for allowing that to happen.  While there are aspects that I do miss about teaching I know that this is right where God wants me to be for right now.  Spending my days getting to know my daughter.  Loving her, learning her and learning how to be her mom. 


While teaching was not always easy I knew I was made to be a teacher.  I knew that I had qualities that made me a good at it and felt that God put that desire in my heart to take on that role.  I also know that God has given me the desire to be a mom and has and will continue to give me the qualities I need to be a great mom to Addilyn and I am working to take it day by day and embrace my new identity as a mom. 

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37 comments:

Terri Lynn Grothe said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Enjoy this time with your precious daughter, the first year flies so quick, I know you are gonna be an incredible momma :)

Jessica said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

enjoy your time at home with her! are you going to be a full time stay at home momma?

Carol Hines said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You're already a super mom! And one never quits learning about being a good mom!

Ginny MyNewFavoriteOutfit said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Because Grant was born In the summer I missed the first quarter of school and I felt very similar to you. Everything ended up working out fine and I was truly blessed to get the extra time at home.
Ginny

Simply LKJ said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, all new mothers struggle with this. Whether the choice is to leave a career you have worked very hard at, a job you loved, or just being a new mom...all require adjustments. Just as marriages require adjustments once two become three. You will all learn together. Everyone, and every family is different. I remember coming home after our honeymoon and sobbing in the kitchen...I grew up in a big family with my grandparents around as well...I didn't know how to do two. I lived for my days at work where I was surrounded by people and chaos! And, I remember being a stay at home mom for the first time. I had a lot of those same feelings. But, we gradually adapted, I made friends with other sahm, and we survived. Take it one day at a time and enjoy your time with her!! And, I will let you in on a little secret...there really is no right or wrong, only what is best for you and your family!

Dawn said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie- I am also taking the year off this year. It was so weird to hear about everyone's first day and not being there. I am struggling to write lesson plans for students I have never met (I was asked to write plans for the first month to teach routines). I wouldn't make any other choice though.

Lins - Domesticated Working Woman said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I am due in January and am staying home for the rest of the school year. I know it will be weird.

still being [molly] said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This is beautiful, katie. I'm in a similar position - not going back to the office... just going to be working from home. It's a huge transition!

Lindsay @ Pursuit of Pink said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So beautifully said, especially the last paragraph. I've had the exact same feelings as I learn my new Mom role. You are not alone.

smk053078 said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Remember that the job will always be there....these moments with your baby won't. They grow up so fast and time flies! Enjoy every second...

Laura Swallow said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I totally understand how you feel. I was a para at a school last year and totally loved it. I really fought not going back full time this year, but I am going back to school to get my teaching degree and would never have time for my daughter with both. Each day that I miss my daughter from just being away for a few hours, I know it was the right choice. Being a mother is amazing and you can't enjoy it to the fullest when you're not around. :)

Desiree Macke said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

It's like you read my thoughts and wrote them all out.
Each day I thank God that we are lucky enough for me to stay home with Marcus. And, every so often I feel like maybe I should be back at my old job. However, at the end of every day I know I am right where I'm supposed to be.
Addilyn is so blessed to have all this time with you. Enjoy it!!

Sybil@PeaceitallTogether said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

With each of my babies I had about four months off work. That was perfect, for me. Now that they are older I work less, which I didn't expect. But, I know that God has given me the desires of my heart each and every step of the way. He will do the same for you!

Rachel said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I'm sure Addilyn just gets cuter each day! I am a teacher and a new Mum too and know how you feel. It is all a bit of an adjustment and you are right, God has you in the right place :)

Julye said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Your daughter looks so cute!!!

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Julye said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Your daughter looks so cute!!!

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Susan Jeffries said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Enjoy this time at home. It seems to always be a struggle whether or not to stay home. I am a nurse and worked nights for a few years - those years were rough:) I work from home now. Although I loved my job, I have never regretted changing my life to be home with my daughter. Pray about it and I hope that God provides you with a clear picture of what He wants you to do. Blessings! Susan

Sky-Ann @ The Little Button said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I love the picture of you and Addilyn, you look like your glowing. So happy for you. I thinks it's normal to miss your job teaching and being a mom is a big change. I think your a great mom already!!!!

Priscila@mommode said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are describing my exact feelings of when I left the classroom to become a stay-at-home mom. The hardest part being the fact that you couldn't just leave work at school and come home to relax. You're right, just as with teaching, you will become more and more confident in your new role. You will also find ways to relax and decompress from being a full-time mama. The beauty of this new role is that it is forever. From now on, you will always be a mama. I just love that. Four years after I left the classroom, I'm starting back part-time next week. I'm thrilled to go back but sad to divide my time with my sweet son. Enjoy this season!

TheTinyHeart said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

That photo of you two together is the cutest! You might've been made to be a teacher but I think you were made to be a mom too! Enjoy all this time with your precious baby girl!

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart
Headband Giveaway!

Lauren {Fizz and Frosting} said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I know this must be a tough transition, but I'm sure it will just become second nature soon! Enjoy that little munchkin! ;)

Lauren
Fizz and Frosting

Pamela said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

awwwwww :) enjoy this time for now!

Laura said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I could so see how that would be a struggle as a new mom... I have that fear too, that I will long to go back to what I know and what I'm comfortable with. But you are so right - God gave you the desire to be a mom, and He will equip you for that job. Just seeing how much you love Addilyn shows how amazing of a mom you are! And maybe He will let you teach again later in life too :)

Helene in Between said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This must be a very weird transition time for you! I know that you are doing exactly as you should and are bringing up a wonderful daughter!

Lindsay said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I TOTALLY get this :) I had a hard time adjusting but soon fell into my role perfectly. You are exactly where you are supposed to be :) xx

Sandy a la Mode said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

awwww enjoy this time right now!!

xo,
Sandy
Sandy a la Mode

Brianne Bracco said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

It's natural to miss it...especially when you are probably an incredible teacher my friend. I know you will always cherish this blessed time with your baby girl and be an even more incredible Mom. ;)

Betty said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I love this post...so very honest. I imagine that I would feel something similar--you have devoted so much of your life to teaching so it would be really hard to not being involved--especially at the beginning of the year. Fortunately, your new job as a mother is so very important and rewarding!! :)

Kassi Mortensen said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I'm not a teacher, but it is crazy to go from just being whoever you were before to Mommy. Such a huge switch. But amazing!!!

Denise said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Enjoy this precious time.

Carly said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Aw man, I can't imagine the school year starting without me.....it's got to be a bizarre feeling! I'm sure you're an amazing parent!

Carly
www.lipglossandcrayons.com

lovenailpolish said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Life's changes are amazing and very profound. You have captured your feelings beautifully in this post. I enjoy seeing you grow even more now as a Mommy! When you are afraid and trying something new, that is how you know you are growing as a person!

Congratulations on your new role and best to you and family. Your daughter is lovely, thank you for sharing with us.

K&R said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

i definitely see how this can be a hard transition.
and i definitely think no matter what you are going to be a great mother!

K

Jess said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Hey Katie!
A friend just sent me a link to your post because she knew I would be encouraged to know you are out there too. I am also home with a baby girl for the first school year ever and am having some sweet back to school nostalgia. I taught third grade for six years as well:) And I very much feel the identity shift and the unsteadiness in a new role, while loving it at the same time. Blessings to you and your sweet one. I look forward to following you here.

Amy Disbrow said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Change is always a hard thing after you have gotten so used to something, but you enjoy this time with your baby girl! You are such a great mom to her. You won't get this time back with her, but you can always teach again. :)

Janna Renee said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

At least you don't have the pressure to have to go back right away! Just enjoy your time with your sweet baby girl for now. I know that won't be hard.

eliz said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Being a teacher mom is hard work! I used to stay late at work and so far I rush out of there asap. I bring a lot of work home...:-( This is my 7th year and I feel like I am drowning with work because I tend to slack and hang out with baby all evening. hahaha