Being a mom

I've read a lot of motherhood posts, especially last week.  And they all have similar messages. Describing motherhood is tricky.  There are super hard days, where messes are everywhere and tears are present.  Then beautiful moments of snuggles and sweet words.  And most days everywhere in between.      Some moments I feel like I've got this.  Others I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. 
I feel like I have the happiest sweetest baby in the world one day, then another feel like I have a crabby, mean and monster toddler.  
Some days I feel like I couldn't be more grateful for where God has me and am so content in this place.  Other days I'm longing to know the future and wanting other things.  
Some days I feel confident in how I'm raising Addilyn and choices I make and others I second guess if I'm doing it right.  
When it comes down to it, motherhood is the hardest things I've ever done.  I had no idea how much I would love Addilyn.  I had no idea how hard it would be to give up control of her and know that He entrusted me to be her mom, but ultimately He is in control.  I had no idea how tired I would be or how draining some days could be.  Being a mom is scary, overwhelming, exhausting and hard.  I've learned more about my selfishness and the need for grace these last two years than ever before and I imagine that lesson will be learned over and over.     But being a mom has also been the best thing I've ever done.  I have longed to be a mom since I was little, and know that God made me to have this role.  I have yet to get tired of folding tiny little laundry and still stop and look at her little shoes laying on our floor and can't believe we have a little girl.  In Sunday at church, our pastor prayed for all the moms, and then prayed for the women that are waiting to be moms.  I got all teary remembering being in that place.  Knowing that God gave me the desire to be a mom, but not knowing when he'd answer that prayer.   I am so thankful for God's faithful, and want to continue to thank Him for giving me the blessing to be Addilyn's mom.