One of my goals this year is to be brave. I think it's easy for me to get fired up about something and have big plans and then forget them after a few months. I want to be more intentional about working on myself and not feeling like I'm stuck in the same place. Sometimes I look around at my close friends and their lives seem busy and chaotic, and they're being stretched and tested. Whether with a new baby, a challenging job, taking on foster care or a ministry at their church. While it is not free of problems, I look at my life and it feels safe, mostly predictable (as much as possible with a toddler), and comfortable. Sometimes I struggle with wondering if this is just a season that I should enjoy, knowing there'll be plenty of times in the future where I won't be able to say the same. Or if maybe I'm missing an opportunity or not seeking something out that I should.
So while I'm still thinking through the answer to that, here are some ways that I have been brave lately:
Leaving Addilyn overnight.
Writing posts like this and praying to be open to whatever God has for our future. Whether that be adoption, fertility treatments or being okay with being a family of three.
Initiating in my friendships despite feeling self conscious and that some of them are one sided.
Going to the dentist. Then setting up appointments to go back a bunch of times after to get work done. Cavities, root canal, crown. Awful. And not having full on panic attacks. Close, but I'm trying.
Inviting a good friend to church and asking God for opportunities to share Him with her.
Being brave looks different for each person. Looking at this list I think some people may think some of these things aren't brave. Leaving their kids overnight at this age or even going to the dentist. But both of those things give me anxiety (one way more than the other with way less rewards, like spending 24 hours alone with your husband), and conquering them takes bravery for me.
I was listening to a talk Jen Hatmaker gave on Mother's Day and near the end she said brave moms raise brave kids. I want to set an example for Addilyn to be brave. I think we've done that with her and the nursery. Teaching her that even though it is hard, we stick with it because it is important. I think I've showed her that by training and running the marathon in October. I want to continue to teach her to be brave. To open her hands and tell God I'll do whatever you call me to. To not be scared of new things or hard things. To not curl up in a ball and cry when things get tough, which is what I'd rather do.
I don't know what that means for me this month or this Summer, or even next year. I feel a little lost thinking about what that will look like in my life right now. But I want to go at my days being brave. Looking for more opportunities that God may have for me that I may be missing. Not always craving comfort and safety, but being willing to do whatever he calls me to do. And I want to teach Addilyn to do the same. While I want to raise a daughter that is sweet and gentle, I also want her to be tough and not be scared.
So here's to flexing our muscles, being strong and brave!