There's been a few times my sister has told me that her friends have made comments to her about how much I must love being pregnant and always look happy, and effortless. (They live in Vermont so this is solely based on social media.) Those girls are super sweet and very wrong. Everyone knows that social media is just a glimpse and I don't think anyone is surprised to find out there are many not so pretty moments that don't get shared. Like an hour after I had this conversation with my sister I was standing over the toilet in the bathroom, half dressed, dry heaving with my nose pouring out blood. Pretty miserable and extremely unglamorous.
I like to think that I do a decent job on my blog sharing not just nice moments but the hard moments as well, but when it comes to pregnancy I struggle with this area. After going through our struggles to get pregnant and knowing how hard it was for me to see others talk about being pregnant, especially in a negative light, I put a lot of thought into what I write when it comes to this area.
I don't shy away from sharing belly updates or outfits or letters to our future baby, because I want to be able to document this part of his life and know that even though others are struggling, this baby is celebrated and I get to do that, and should so without feeling bad.
But I struggle to know the balance of sharing the hard things about being pregnant or even being a mom, and sharing how grateful I am that I get these blessings. I remember when I was longing to be a mom reading someone's post complaining about morning sickness or how they couldn't eat certain things and feeling so envious and almost mad. How much I would love to take on those symptoms if it meant I could have a baby. I don't want to ever come across as ungrateful, even though this has been a harder pregnancy for me.
But I also want to be real. And if I'm being honest I do not enjoy being pregnant this time around. I feel like I have tons of symptoms I didn't have with Addilyn and overall feel uncomfortable and not like myself the majority of the time. I feel overly ready to not be pregnant any more. I have constant nose bleeds, acid reflux, heartburn, terribly unpleasant things going on down there that make walking, peeing and sitting uncomfortable. I've gained more weight than I did with Addilyn, and I have a hard time loving my pregnant body.
But none of those things make me wish I wasn't pregnant. All of those symptoms are worth this sweet baby boy and I am so so grateful that I get to carry this baby and that God's answered our prayers for another child.
So in an effort to keep it real on here, being pregnant is at the top of my list of biggest blessings I've been given and I am so so thankful. But it is also one of the harder things I've done and I am ready for this baby to be here.