this year

In 2013 I choose the word surrender. I worked on surrendering my fears, worries and plans for our future.  This is something that I think I'll always need to work on but have definitely seen growth since this year. 
In 2014 I chose the word rest.  I wanted to rest in God's presence, to rest in the knowledge of God's protection over our family, and to stop being anxious.  Again, something that I will always struggle with, but growth here too. 
Last year I didn't really pick a specific word but wanted to head into the year as a mighty warrior.  To work on being brave as a mom, as an individual and ready for whatever God had in store for me.  I've seen growth in my confidence and choices as a mom, growth in letting God be in control and have tried to be an example to Addilyn of doing things that aren't always easy.  
I have been thinking a lot about a word or focus for this year.  Obviously our biggest change this year will be baby number 2.  We've also had some changes with Chris work that are still not necessarily a routine or "normal" which I know will take some adjusting.  It's interesting because we clearly know what adding a baby is like, but adding a second baby is going to be a totally different thing.  This baby may be completely different than Addilyn, I'll have different needs with two kids as oppose to one, and things are definitely going to change a lot.  Change is hard for me.  When expectations aren't met I struggle.  I love knowing what to expect and what my role will look like, and even what others around me will be as well.  
I want to let go of all those things.  To go into this year knowing that right now my job is to be a mom to Addilyn and this sweet baby boy.  To be a wife to Chris, to continue to be a friend, a Christ follower, housekeeper, blogger, runner, and the list goes on.  BUT to know that each of those things is going to look different for awhile.  While I don't struggle a ton saying no to things, I struggle with what others may think or how their priorities are different and comparing mine to them.  I want to do the best that I can in all those areas and remember that there is grace upon grace and all I can do is my best.  
I want to know when I'll get back in shape and when I'll lose this baby weight.  I'd love to know what this baby will be like and how Addilyn will transition to being a big sister.  I wish I could know when Chris and I would get date nights again or when we'd save enough money to think about moving.  But what I really want is to be okay not knowing the timeline of any of those things.  To work towards those goals, but be patient in the process.  
I don't want to wish away moments (except maybe the nights filled with zero sleep) but to be present, take things day by day and let whatever happens this year happen.  I'm far from a laid back person, and while I'm learning to accept that is part of who I am and there are good qualities that come with that, I'd love to sway a little towards the other side of that spectrum.  
I want to be more content with feeling lonely.  I struggle with that now and I know with a newborn I'm sure I'll have even more of those feelings.  I want to take more comfort in God and be content with being home and not needing to feel pursued in multiple friendships.  
I never want to lose sight of all God has given us and how good He is.  When times are hard and when times are great.  To make him my priority and to thirst for His word and His presence.  
So here's to a new year.  To letting things happen as they do, and opening my hands to His plan and doing the best I can with what's in store.