. . . for Lauren and Lauren: Our story

February 17, 2013

Our story


The fact that I am writing this story, reflecting on our journey though infertility, seems surreal to me.  There are many days that I still can't believe that I have a baby growing inside of me, which is something that I truly feared would never happen.

There is a part of me that wants to count the amount of doctor's appointments, shots, patches, medicine, tears, phone calls, ultrasounds, and tests I've had to get me to this point.

There is another part of me that wants to forget that all happened, as it was so hard and painful.

But I don't think that it is one or the other.

The journey we went on to get to this point has shaped me into a different person.  A person with more sympathy and wisdom, a person with a closer relationship with God and a better understanding of giving up our own plans.  But it has also made me more broken, cautious and guarded than I was before.

All these things though, I know will make me a better mother, wife, and friend and I am thankful for that.

Sometimes it's hard for me to think about what we had to go through to get pregnant.  There were so many times where it felt so scientific and medical.  Going to a hospital, being surrounded by doctors, monitored as if I was undergoing some abnormal procedure, when so many get to just "make a baby."  For me it involved weeks and weeks of preparation and monitoring, then laying on a hospital bed, surrounded by five men.  Far from anything romantic or personal.


Sometimes it's hard to not feel like so much of a normal pregnancy was taken from me.  A normal way to get pregnant, to find out your pregnant, to tell your family and friends.  The journey it took to get here seemed long, hard, draining and painful.  Two years of waiting, months of hormone pills, two failed IUI's, and three rounds of IVF.  It took a huge toll on my body psychically and emotionally.

I recently found a blogger who shares about her infertility struggles and recently wrote about going into the journey of IVF with a mindset to enjoy the process.  As well as how thankful she was for medicine and doctors that would allow her to get pregnant.  I can honestly say that I am thankful for medicine and IVF and doctors, but truthfully the only thing I enjoyed about the actual process was that it eventually worked.  While thankful, there isn't anything I enjoyed about the shots, appointments, emotions and process. I am however thankful for the lessons that God taught me and the ways it strengthened my relationship with God and with my husband.

I imagine it being compared to the training and running I did for the marathon.  As I was running it, I'd say over and over how hard it was, time consuming and draining.  And how I can't imagine doing it again.  The second I crossed the finish line, just about everything hard and painful left my mind, and I was left with this amazing feeling of accomplishment and signed up to do it again.  It all was worth it.



I certainly know that a baby is far more of an accomplishment, as well as the journey far more painful and draining to get there.  But I imagine that when I hold my baby in July, or even the times now when I hear the heartbeat or see his/her precious self on an ultrasound, the pain and hardships immediately seem every minute worth it.

I think that our journey through infertility will always be a part of me, a part of our story and a part of our baby's story.  I can imagine how much each mother loves their child when they're pregnant, and I can't even image the love that will come when I met my baby.  But I feel as though I have loved this baby for two years before I knew it was here.  I prayed daily for this baby, sacrificed for this baby and thought about this baby for such a long time.


The bottom line is that God was going to give us a baby in His perfect timing.  Past our own doings, or what our doctor, medicine and science could control.

I think about my baby by the minute and couldn't be more thankful that my time is here.  However it may be that brought us to this point.

“I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.” -1 Samuel 1:27

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47 comments:

Amanda said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This is beautiful. What a beautiful journey. I love reading your story & following your journey to having a baby. It reminds me that God is faithful to complete that which He has already foreseen. & that verse... I'm holding that dear to my heart. Your story, your heart gives me hope. Love you my beautiful friend! & love your precious baby!

Carly said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I love this post! I'm so excited for you....and can't wait to see that cute little baby!

Carly
www.lipglossandcrayons.com

Denise said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So beautiful.

Lily said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I've loved reading your journey. I know it's so hard, but it has shaped you. You're going to be a wonderful mother, Katie. :) :* xoxo

Katie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Ahhhh, loved this post. Isn't it amazing how things work out? I am so grateful for modern medicine and the amazing things they can do.

Katie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh Katie. Tears and goosebumps and smiles through this entire, beautiful post. So glad you shared your story with us. In my own infertility journey I echoed the same sentiments- that although things weren't happening in my time, when I may have wanted, I trusted that God was always on time and when it was meant to be, the gift of motherhood would be bestowed upon me. We used the quote you shared for Elena's baptism...How poignant. Love and hugs.

Bonnie Rose said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I just wanted to let you know that I love the way you write and how beautifully spoken your journey is in this post.


xx
Bonnie Rose
The Compass Rose

Leslie Maxey said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This post was so beautiful. I can't even fathom the struggle you went through. I was recently told I may struggle to have children and even though I'm not ready to have them now, it scares me so much. Reading this put me at ease since I know everything will work out at the right time the way it's supposed to!

Sybil@PeaceitallTogether said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

What a beautiful story! It is so exciting to experience this, God's miracle, in His timing. So amazing!!

Molly, Sweet Potato Shop said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Wow - Congratulations and thank you for sharing. I am going thru the same thing and you've given me much hope. We share the same outlook on the process (it not being an enjoyable one....). But you've reminded me it is all worth it in the end.

Samantha Curtis said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So happy for you girl, I can't even wait until you get to hold that baby for the first time! You deserve it more than anyone :)

Jen said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, I cannot even to being to imagine all the things the Lord has taught you in this journey. I can't imagine the pain and tears but the fact that you can see God's hand in it the whole time is beautiful. It is a sweet story of sanctification. You are going to make a wonderful mother to your "little Samuel"

Brittany said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Such a beautiful post, Katie. You're right...it's all in God's timing and your patience through this whole process is truly inspiring. I am SO happy for you and know that you are going to be the most amazing mommy!

lo @ crazy ever after said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Nothing but love for you, girlfriend. Your story is a special one. And I am so happy for the happy outcome.

Autumn said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, I'm not even sure what to say right now, this post stirs so much up inside of me. I'm not sure if I've told you about our infertility journey before. 6 failed IUI's, IVF was just around the corner when we were beyond SHOCKED to find out that we got pregnant on a "break" cycle. I love your comparison with training for a marathon... Those days (years) were so hard, wanting something so badly, sometimes feeling like you can't go on, like you'll never reach your goal... giving up would be easier, but harder at the same time... some days aren't bad, some are pure torture... but in the end, it's all worth it. The joy overshadows the pain. That time in my life feels like ancient history now. I know it changed me, so much. I am not sad or angry that I went through it, but so glad it's over! I hate that so many WONDERFUL couples struggle so much. Praise God that HE is bigger than it all!

Janna Renee said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are right...God gave you a baby when you were ready. Y'all worked so hard for this bundle of joy and now you get to reap the benefits! This will definitely give hope to those that are faced with the same journey!

Jennifer @ Delightfully Noted said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Beautifully said! You spoke from your heart AND mine too. That bib is so cute! I need one, where did you get it?

Kiki said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Wow, thank you for sharing this story with us! Even though I'm not in the same lifestage as you, I loved reading every part of your journey. Your story really shows how important trusting in Him and having patience in His timing is! It definitely is encouragement for me in my times of impatience. :)

p.s. That ultrasound(?) photo of your little one waving is adorable!!

Allison said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Thanks for sharing your story Katie! I'm so happy for you and you are wise to give the glory all to God! :)

Casey said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I loved reading this and I can't wait to see your little one!

lauren jean allece said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I teared up reading this Katie. So beautifully written, but more than that it's honest. While I'm neither married nor trying for a baby yet, I am already so grateful for bloggers like you who share stories that I know someday will help me through the good times and bad!

Praying for you and your sweet baby! What an incredible, exciting time!

Laura said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So excited for you Katie. I know you had such a hard 2 years but I'm so glad you are through it and have learned so much. Praying for a safe and healthy baby to keep growing over the next few months!!

Tara said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Thank you for posting this personal and daunting side of the pregnancy period. It's so encouraging and inspiring and I'm so excited us as bloggers get to watch this growing miracle from afar. S and I have many decisions to make in the future regarding this and I'm already praying for the future answers and circumstances even though they are quite distant right now. Thank you again for sharing your story!

Helene said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I know it must have been very hard but I think it's wonderful you are sharing this story. You are so inspiring!

Always Maylee said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, this is such a beautiful post. I've told you before, but I am so happy for you. I'm so happy that all of your struggles and pain have turned into something amazing and you'll get to meet your baby soon. I know that your story gives all women out there struggling with the same issues so much hope. :)

xo, Yi-chia
Always Maylee

Emily said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So happy and excited for you! Thanks for telling your story. I know it will help so many. We have that same bib, love it! And thought you would want to know - our baby came home last week! Such a miracle!

Betty said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Thank you so much for this story! I don't think you realize how much hope it gives me. While our 'story' and journey to our baby is a little bit different, I am having to endure some not so natural treatments right now as well. I am scared, anxious, frustrated, and like you mentioned....jealous of all of those people that have no issues getting pregnant. That being said, I am so thankful to live during a time where giving up doesn't have to be the only option! Keeping you, your husband, and that sweet baby in our prayers.

Megan said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Thanks for sharing your story and experience. You are definitely a stronger woman now!

Simply LKJ said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

What a beautiful post Katie. I love the little bib and onesie!

still being [molly] said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

beautiful, honest post, katie. thank you for sharing your story! my sister went through the same struggles (as i've mentioned before) and it is TOTALLY all worth it in the end!

Rebecca said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This is so beautiful written! It will most certainly be worth it!

Amanda said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm happy you got your dream come true and I hope nothing but good health for you & your baby!

J and A said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This is so well written. I am so thrilled for you. You know this. You are strong. Amazing. And are and will be the best Mom. Xoxo

Erin Rethemeyer said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie,
This is a beautiful story! How strong you are to write about it! Your baby is one lucky little thang. So excited for you!

SHUG IN BOOTS {Beth} said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I can't think of an awesome enough comment to begin to do this post justice. I cannot imagine. We lost one baby to ectopic, and I thought that was "damaging" enough. I worry to much about what the future holds, and then I go to the opposite extreme, and "stop trying" out of spite. (But who am I spiting besides myself and my husband, right?)
It seems SO STRANGE to me that people just get pregnant (some by accident!) and that's it. You are right, you are so different after having to stop and think about all the things that have to go perfectly for a baby to exist. But, you are also right in that it brings you closer to God, and you have more compassion. I am so, so happy for y'all! And that "worth the wait" bib is the cutest thing I have ever seen ever, ever! :)

Ashley said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So Beautiful Katie. So thankful for this little love. He or She is so lucky to have such amazing parents!

Nicole Cushing said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie I just wanted to reach out to you, I have followed your story and I am so excited for you and will continue to pray for you. I have recently gone through some tough times and reading your post gave me the inspiration to write my story as well! Thank you for your strength.

XoXo,
Nicole

http://www.nicole-kelly.com

Mikaela Rae said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So beautifully written! This story is so encouraging! I'm so excited for you and your family!!! Such an amazing testimony of God's faithfulness. Enjoy your pregnancy and all the many joyful years to come!

Just joined your blog! I'm enjoying poking around :)

Love,
Mikaela

mikaelarae.blogspot.com

Megan @ BeautyandtheBanker said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I think it is so admirable to share your story. Our journeys have been very different but I completely understand the fear of never being able to have a baby, and the feeling of betrayal by your body.

After three years of trying, an equal amount of miscarriages, and many tests and drugs we now have a beautiful and healthy one year old. I have to tell you, although I know you already know, it is so worth it and it will shape the way you view your struggles in parenthood. Late night feedings feel like blessings instead of an inconvenience. You will look back on those weeks with your newborn as magical where other people would describe them as exhausting and painful.

You are going to make a wonderful mom. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, soak up every minute, it will be over before you know it!

Neha said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I am so glad to hear your happy story.. You both have gone through a lot in the past 2 years and totally deserve this wonderful baby :) I am so very happy for you guys. Take care of yourself and I look forward to July too :) On a completely different note, I totally love your blog.

Neha

Alyssa said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are amazing! Congratulations on your sweet baby! I'm so excited for you! (p.s. I can't believe I haven't been an "actual" follower, I just change that though!)

Katie @ My Darling Days said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are so inspiring and such a breath of fresh air. You have a way of making even sucky things seem not so sucky, and you are gonna be SUCH a good momma. Excited to be able to read the story :)

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, Kate! I love you girl. I'm so happy for you. It melts my heart knowing that you're almost on the other side...made it through. :) You go girl...love hearing success stories. It gives me hope for us!

Sandra said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, I've been a follower for a while, but recently suffered a bit health wise & am ridiculously behind on my blogs....Molly nudged me back to you & I'm so glad she did!
You have a wonderful heart to share your story, I am so happy for the two of you! God works in mysterious ways, I will add prayers for a healthy pregnancy & baby for you :)
Thank you for sharing such a powerful story :)

Amanda said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Okay, so I came across your blog a while ago, and follow your gorgeous posts on facebook, but somehow I completely missed that you dealt with infertility and went through IVF. My husband and I are just now even discussing IVF, and we're a ball of nerves just talking about it. So glad to have rediscovered you!

maria said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, I found the link to this post via the Wiegands, and hadn't read it yet, but it's like you wrote everything I feel and felt about our infertility struggles.

There were many times that I wondered if it would be worth all the invasive procedures and the psychical and emotional pain I had to endure.
It was so hard, but in the end it was all worth it, because now we have the most adorable little guy!

But I don't want to think about how I would be now if everything was all in vain.

xo

Anchors the Soul said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Wow. Thank you for sharing this. It's just what I needed to read today as my husband and I are in the process...we've had 2 miscarriages and still no baby. I've learned so much through this 2 year journey about who God is and that His plans are ALWAYS greater than our own. Your post gives me hope in our journey and that the ultimate reward is worth the struggle, no matter how painful and emotionally taxing it is. We're learning to wait for our plans to match up with Gods :)