A lottery you might not want to win

Last week I found out I won the lottery to get to run the Chicago marathon.  It seems slightly ironic to me that it's called a lottery, as the "prize" is paying $185 to train and then run 26.2 miles.  I was still undecided when I entered to win as to whether I really wanted to do it, but after myself and my good friend got "in" we decided to go for it. 

I've done the Chicago marathon twice.  The first time it was the hottest it's ever been for the marathon and was in the upper 90's. (normally it's mid 40's or 50's).  They ran out of water, were using ambulances from every suburb of Chicago and they made participants walk the last handful of miles due to the conditions.  But I finished.  Although I said it was a one time deal, as soon as I crossed the finish line I knew I wanted to do it again. 

The next year I trained by myself and ran it alone which was incredibly hard.  I actually told Chris countless times not to ever let me do this again.  Bad luck with the weather again, as it wasn't quite as hot but still in the 90's.  I finished in slower time than I had hoped for, but finished.  And as soon as I crossed the finish line I knew I'd want to do it again at some point. 
I've always been pretty disciplined and determined if I set my mind to do something. (Especially if it involves paying to do something.)  But I am more nervous about this time than the others.  It was hard enough finding time and energy to train before having a baby.  I was overly obsessive before about running every day of my training schedule no matter what, and I know that I won't be able to do that this time and want to just relax and do the best I can.  
I really thought I'd be back in running shape at this point after having Addilyn.  I've struggled with feeling confident in myself and continually remind myself of the huge change that having a baby does to every area of your life.  Changes that I did not anticipate and was not ready for.   I thought my overly disciplined self would have handled it differently, but I think the break from working out and the pressure to keep up has been really good for me.  
But I'm ready to have a goal and something to work towards.  The thought of crossing the finish line now makes me unbelievably excited.  Thinking about Addilyn "cheering" me on makes me feel motivated.  There is still a part of me that is scared that I won't be able to do it, and I think I'll be nervous about that until the race is over.  
I am so far from even being in shape to start training and have about a month to get there.  But I'm ready. I think.  26.2 miles here I come!