. . . for Lauren and Lauren: the right answer

April 10, 2014

the right answer

I learn over and over that I need to hand over my desire to control things in my life to God.  I'm currently in a state of constantly stopping myself from waiting to be the one in charge of my situations from little things like Addilyn's schedule to bigger things like the stability of Chris' job or the future of my teaching job.  

Last week I had a rough day.  Chris and I had a good amount of days in a row where I felt like we weren't on the same page, struggling to connect and arguing over little things.  I had a few rough nights with Addilyn and felt emotional and overwhelmed.  I went to the store with Addilyn and after our grocery trip, which included any empty diaper bag when one was much needed, I changed Addilyn's diaper in the car, loaded my groceries and closed the trunk and Addilyn's door to find I had locked my keys, and Addilyn in the car. 

Yes I've done this already.  That time I was in my garage and an extra set of keys were in the house.  I've been paranoid since and almost always leave my door open when I'm doing anything.  I'm still not sure how I managed to do it,  but I immediately started panicking.  Thankfully I had my phone in my pocket and not my diaper bag like usual.  I called Chris in tears, who called the police, who were sending someone out.  Addilyn could not have been better.  She was smiling and giggling at me most of the time, laughing at the Target workers who came outside, and didn't cry for one second.  Which I can't say the same about myself.  She ended up being in there for 15 minutes but it felt like much longer to me.  

It was one of those things that just topped off an already hard day.  I know none of these things are life threatening things, but I felt tired and defeated by the end of the day.  Sometimes I think it takes something like this to make you stop and think about what you are learning in life.  

I've struggled lately with how to handle balance.  Balancing my time with Chris, meeting my introverted needs but building relationships, saying yes to things but guarding our time home as a family. How to meet my spiritual needs of fellowship but finding time to make that work with a little baby at home.   I struggle with not second guessing my parenting choices in regards to helping Addilyn sleep better, giving her a routine but wanting her to be flexible, and when and how to introduce new things.  

I often find myself wishing that there was a right answer for all these things.  A rule book that said you need to do this, this and this to have a healthy, happy nine month old who will grow up to be wonderful.  Or you need to say yes to this commitment but no to this one.  Wouldn't that be nice? 

Unfortunately there is no right answers for so many of these things.  But fortunately there is someone that can provide me with exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.   And if there was a right answer, I could trust in the answer, instead of trusting in Him.  

So I'm working on trying to relax and trust in Him more.  Knowing that all these things are so small in the bigger picture. That if I continue to put Him first, He's going to bless my marriage, our parenting and our sweet baby girl.  


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25 comments:

Ashley said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

That really does sound like a rough day. I'm sorry. Those days suck. As a mother also I understand wishing I had more answers right when I needed them. Trusting in God is correct but it is okay to feel frustrated. Leaning on family in friends will also help you during times when things are overwhelming. Of course, you also have your blog where you can always come to. Good luck mama!

Kristin said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I think everyone feels this way. I do now about many things. I feel like so much is always up in the air (where we live/what we do, my employment or lack of, etc) and I don't want to talk about it anymore, so I just don't.
Just know that you're not alone in these struggles!

Ashley said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

First off...love the new blog design. I haven't seen it yet.

It really is so hard to just let go and trust in Him and His timing about things.

It also seems like things happen back to back....argument with husband, sleepless night, traumatic experience....ahhh!!

You're a great mom and a great wife!! Just keep remembering that!

Amber Elliott said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So so sorry about that! On a positive note, posts like this are so real and such a testimony to God. If everything was just peachy we wouldn't need him so much and in needing him our relationship grows! Keep on doing what you're doing Mama...keep the faith and put your trust in him. The more areas of our lives we give to him the more grace he can show us!

Simply LKJ said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Been there done that! Don't beat yourself up over the car incident. We have almost all been there at some point or other (car or house). Change is hard, you are still adjusting to this "new" lifestyle. I am two years into the empty nest and am still adjusting.

Nadine said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

That does sound like such a rough day. I'm a sucky commenter (sorry for that) but I'm a loyal reader and I've love that since you had Addilyn you've given us future moms (someday, hopefully) a realistic portrayal of what motherhood is like. You don't paint is as perfect and that is beautiful and needed. That being said, I really think that this Target fiasco will be something you and Addilyn laugh at together someday.

Denise said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Amen, amen.

Jessica said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

LOVE the new blog design! SO cute! and omgosh that sounds so scary. I am glad that Addliyn was okay and I am sorry that you cried. But you have such a soft heart and that's beautiful :)

Lauren {Fizz and Frosting} said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I can't imagine the panic you felt, but I completely understand the feelings of wanting control and trying to let go. I have really been trying focusing on letting go and trusting in the Lord's plan this year. It's difficult at times with so many life changes going on (that I of course want to control!), but I definitely feel more at peace at the same time!

Agnes Mayer said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I'm glad they were able to get your daughter out so quickly and that she didn't seem bothered by it. Having kids is harder then you could ever imagine. this is why I only have 1 and I may only have 1. We dont' have any family support and it took a huge toll on us mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. Hang in there Katie, it does get getter. I think you need to connect with other moms. It helps so much. It honestly saved my sanity.

Good luck Sweetie and just know that you are not alone.

Agi:)

vodkainfusedlemonade.com

Brianne Bracco said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Those days are so tough friend and I'm sorry for your feeling of struggle...a just want to hop on a plane and give you the biggest hug. But your message again is nothing but meaningful and know your thoughts are on the right track. :)

Kristen said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So sorry for your scare! Poor thing! You are such a great mom, you KNOW what is best for your precious little girl...it's instilled in you because God made us that way!! & you've done such an incredible job!! Stopping to pray for you right now!

Kristen said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So sorry for your scare! Poor thing! You are such a great mom, you KNOW what is best for your precious little girl...it's instilled in you because God made us that way!! & you've done such an incredible job!! Stopping to pray for you right now!

Mindy Waters said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Hang in there! Some days are rough and you feel like you are not doing enough or being enough BUT you are!! As a former working mother to a now stay at home mom .... the days are so long and the nights are even longer. This is the hardest job you will ever do. Things will get better!!!

Mindy Waters said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Hang in there! Some days are rough and you feel like you are not doing enough or being enough BUT you are!! As a former working mother to a now stay at home mom .... the days are so long and the nights are even longer. This is the hardest job you will ever do. Things will get better!!!

Violet said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Hi Katie, I have been reading your blog for a while and have never commented. I have a baby boy almost exactly the same age as Addilyn. I read your blog because I identify so much with the things you post. You inspire me and remind me I am not alone in this new mom situation. I thank you for posting and being so real.

Monique Grattan said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Honestly you describe the struggle of MANY women. God is in control. Keep Blogging.

Ginny MyNewFavoriteOutfit said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I'm so sorry things have been hard right now :( I think you're exactly right about trusting God in the midst of this!

Taylor Cunningham said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

It's so hard to think big picture and not let little things bog you down. Props girl!

Elegance and Mommyhood said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

It is so good that you have your faith when you have hard days like these. I have always been scared about locking the baby in the car, but thankfully it has never happened and hopefully it never will. I too would panic like you have no idea.

It has been great catching up with you Katie. Would love to have you stop by when you can. Stay strong - you are a great Mom and Addilyn is really lucky to have you.

Ada. =)

Emily said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Katie, this is exactly how I've been feeling too. You verbalized it exactly. I am also an introvert and am finding that hard sometimes as a mom. It's right to feel good about getting alone time after the baby is in bed when you feel like there are still a million relationships to be nourished as well. Ahhh, I don't know. But I love what you said at the end. :). He does know perfectly. Philippians 4:13 has been my constant prayer and as I pray for His strength everything always goes better. Hang in there! :) looooove your blog!

Allison said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Aw you poor thing. I'm sure that was so scary for you! I have been having to trust God completely these last few months for a few reasons, but his promises are always true and he will take care of your needs! Praying for you friend. And I've been MIA so I don't know how long your new design has been up, but I love it.

Christina Schergen said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

so lovely! I hear you on nurturing your introvert tendencies. my biggest struggle use to be giving others and myself the leftovers...that happens with kids. ;0)

Sassy Engineer said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Amen! I am right there with you.

Earl Mark said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Sorry to hear about your rough day. That really is a pesky day to have. I hope things get better. My wife and I read your blog and we really did sympathize with whats going on. I hope that things lighten up for you and that you settle in. Keep up the blog it is a really great read. Thanks.

Earl Mark @ Eastway Lock