The other day when I was running I was thinking about why I do certain things. It probably started because it was a rough run and just about every ten steps I was thinking "Why on earth did I decide to train for and run a marathon?"
So I started thinking about why I really am running it. Then why I'm making decorations for Addilyn's birthday party or why I'm spending time fixing up our basement to make it a playroom. Why I want to buy and wear cute clothes or why I post pictures on instagram or write a blog.
Sometimes I think there's motivation for those things in hopes of others' approval. I want to have nice things when people come over, I love it when people compliment me on something I've made or a race I've finished. I get worried sometimes that my motivation for things is in the wrong place. I want to know that if no one else was around, would I still be doing most of these things. Would I run the marathon is no one but Chris knew I finished it? Would I redo our basement if no one but Addilyn played in it? Would I wear a cute outfit if I wouldn't see anyone I knew? So I started going through my list.
Running a marathon. I do go back and forth while I run as to why I am doing this. I think having a big goal is huge motivation for me to get in shape. I know having something that is just about me and not me and Addilyn is good and healthy for me. To have time by myself and doing something that I (not all the time) but usually enjoy.
When is comes to making projects, whether for our basement or Addilyn's party or whatever, I truly do enjoy doing it. I am happy when I am sitting on the floor with my glue gun or at my sewing machine. I love the feeling of finishing a project or accomplishing something I thought of making.
Wearing cute clothes. When I think about this one it's really pretty shallow. Truth is I feel way more comfortable in shorts and a t-shirt these days and they often seem much more practical. I feel good about myself when I get dressed for real, but wearing accessories, cute shoes or a nicer outfit seems like too much work these days.
Of course with these and other things, I love compliments and approval from others (I don't know who doesn't) but I want to be more aware of why I do things. I want to not find my worth is what others think of me or what I do or don't do. I know ultimately my worth lies in God and nothing else. I think God gives us blessings in things that make us happy, like running or making crafts, and wants us to enjoy those things. But I surely don't want those things to be a source of worth.
I was thinking about this verse the other day and that sometimes I'm putting my treasure in the wrong things. I know that there is nothing wrong with wanting to run a race, fix up my basement or want to look nice. But I want to put my worth is something that will last far longer than my running legs or cute pillows.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21