There's a lot of ways that this pregnancy has been redeeming for me, after Addilyn's pregnancy. We went through so much to get pregnant with Addilyn, as well as complications at the beginning. While this pregnancy has been physically harder, emotionally it has been so much easier. I worried just about the entirety of my pregnancy with Addilyn. I kept thinking once I got to the next milestone I would feel better, but then there was always another one or thing I worried about. This time around I've been able to not worry nearly as much and have felt more at ease. I feel like at the beginning I felt anxious about having a miscarriage and know I felt lots of nerves before my 20 week appointment, anxious to hear that everything looked good and healthy. But otherwise I've been able to not stress about every ache and pain, and have done a better job giving those fears over to God.
But as the end is creeping near, I'm finding it more of a struggle. I've read handful of stories or people losing babies near the end, or having them born with serious symptoms that did not know about. The only ultrasound we've had was at 20 weeks and sometimes it's hard for my mind not to worry that there is a health concern we missed or something else that developed.
I've started getting anxious about labor and delivery and recovery. I've been worrying about how Addilyn will do the days I'm in the hospital, as the most I've been away from her has been one night. I have had many evenings or moments during the day where I think how will I do this with a baby around here. Either with Addilyn fighting bedtime or her being really needy.
This verse is so simple. Do not worry. But a struggle for me to do consistently. So I'm back to the point of waking up surrendering my fears to God and letting him take them on. Trusting him with both my babies and the transition that is before us.