Lately I've felt like I'm in a stage of limbo. Which is uncomfortable for me.
I'm sure I'll write more later but we are in the stage of moving. Possibly. It all depends on if we can rent our house. We weren't really looking for a house, but a house came up down the road and it really feels like it could be our dream house. But we have to have renters. So our offer is accepted and we're just waiting to find someone to live here. We keep saying we'll be fine if we don't get the house, but as the days go by I want to live there more and more. But even more so I just want to know. Will we be moving or not? Do I start packing? Am I wasting ridiculous time on pinterest and dreaming of decorating a new house? (I'm sure the answer to that is yes either way.)
Isaac still coughs daily, and some days quite often. We have an appointment with a lung specialist but can't get in until the end of August. I am having a hard time waiting and just want to know what the doctor will say.
Addi starts preschool in a month and I feel really nervous about it. I just wish it was here as I feel like it will be a rough transition for her and I feel anxious. I hope I'm wrong and that's it's easier than I think, but I feel like it's going to take time and will be challenging for awhile.
I've written about it before but Isaac's sleep sucks, yet I know he feels too little to me to do much about it. I struggle between the he's only little for so long, and the fact that he really doesn't need to be up six times or be held the entire night. I hate the phrase "sleep training" but got to that point eventually with Addilyn and feel like I will with him too, but have a hard time not dreading that. Yet so anxious for some sleep.
I keep wondering when I will have time again for me. Time to work out regularly, or do a craft. When will I be able to wake up before the kids and have a quiet time? I know some day more of a schedule and routine will come, but it certainly isn't today.
I've only left Isaac three times for bedtime. And it's never gone well. Chris is totally fine dealing with it, but it often feels like more work than it is to be out. I know we just need to keep practicing and honestly bedtime with me here is hard lately too. I know it is just a season but it's hard to not feel like I can't leave easily or be gone long. So soon I know this stage will over and I think it's good to recognize that it is hard and tiring, but that it surely won't last forever. However, the waiting is hard for me.
I suck at living in the in between. Taking things for what the are. Waiting for answers, waiting for the next thing. I think I forget that there is always going to be new tough things to replace these tough things, and everything is just a season.
So for now, I'm working on finding beauty in the waiting. In the refining of my character, in the trusting in God that I'm in the right place. I'm working on being patient and just being. Finding victories in the in between and being satisfied with today.