Some things are easier. Some things are way harder. I don't feel nearly as anxious this time around. I know phases are short. Or even if long, I'll survive. But having a toddler to take care of this time, is a different story than last. Way less down time, and a whole other person to care for. One who is very active, needy and whose world has been hugely changed.
With Addilyn once the evening came I would get really anxious for the night ahead. Knowing I'd probably get little sleep and not being able to predict what the next 12 hours looked like. This time around, I definitely don't look forward to the night time, but I'm not anxious about it. Even though I'm getting way less rest and sleep this time around since I can't rest when he sleeps during the day, I think my body is used to way less sleep and it's not as shocking! Plus I know it's a season and that we'll get through it.
I feel like Chris and I have no time to talk. Once Addilyn is in bed, it's often Isaac's fussier time, or if not I'm just too tired to want to have a full conversation. Which means it's really easy for me to get annoyed or cranky. I remember with Addilyn thinking how will we ever have time together again? This time I know it's a season. It'll take a little more work with two kids now, and may be a longer season, but it'll happen again and we'll get through it.
Breastfeeding has had some similarities this time. Again I have a major oversupply which leads to lots of spit up, gagging and messy eating. Isaac has a tongue tie which Addilyn did not, so sometimes it's harder for him to latch on and hurts a little more than with Addilyn. But I feel much more comfortable this time around. While I forgot some things, like how long it takes for your supply to regulate, it just feels easier and more comfortable.
I worried about a lot of things before Isaac was born. How Addilyn would do, how I'd handle Chris going back to work after a week, how I'd function with such little sleep and two kids to take care off. I've definitely shed tears and felt overwhelmed and stressed but honestly, it's been easier than I thought. I know we're only five weeks in and we're going to go through all kinds of phases and ups and downs. And we are so far from constantly doing regular activities, but I feel like we're starting to settle into the reality and normalcy that we have two kids.
I forgot how much you don't feel like yourself. I'm so happy to not be pregnant anymore, but it's such an awkward stage to be in. Not pregnant, but not back to your "normal" self. Leaking boobs, in between sizes, and post pregnancy hormones. It's hard to remember what it feels like to be you, but again thankful that I know I'll get there and I'm trying hard to not worry about it or let it bother me.
I would never tell a first time mom that having one kid is easy. Or to enjoy this because once baby number two comes, you won't get the same rest you do now. Having one baby is hard. And overwhelming and completely turns your world upside down. It was hard. Looking back, sure, it sounds amazing to just have one baby. To sleep when he sleeps, to watch so much tv and to only worry about him. And I imagine down the line if I had a third baby I could say the same about "just having two." But whatever you have, it's hard because it's new, different and exhausting. And having two kids is exhausting.
I love both my babies more than anything. I didn't doubt that I would, but I didn't know what it'd feel like. I am so grateful that God gave them both to me, and couldn't feel luckier that I get to be their mom and know that is what I was meant to do.