32

So two months late as it's taken me forever to finish this post.  I turned 32 at the beginning of November and was thinking about the last year and the year ahead.  I feel like as I've gotten older I see the importance of naming areas that I succeed in and recognizing ones that I need to work on.  So year 32 . . . . . the success and places for improvement:

The good:

Confidence when saying no.  I used to worry that my friends or others would judge me for saying no to doing things and choosing to stay home instead. I enjoy being home in the evenings and know that in order to feel rested and happy, I need a lot of down time alone or with Chris.  It took me a long time to not feel like I was boring or a party pooper, but I'm totally over that now.  The same goes with making choices like not keeping my kids out late or missing nap/quiet times.  While I'm learning to be more flexible with Isaac as it just isn't possible, I make sure we have one set down time during our day, and that most nights our are in bed at a certain time.  

Balance. Before I was pregnant with Addilyn I was obsessive about working out.  I could count how many days of a year I did not work out.  Despite busy seasons I'd make it work and if I couldn't I'd feel guilty.  I got back to a pretty good workout routine after Addilyn was born and even trained for a marathon.  With two? I rarely get in actually work outs.  It just is not happening, and I'm okay with it. I know a time will come when I'll get to train for a marathon again.  I know when my kids are older it'll be easier to get workout videos done.  For now I go on walks all the time, count Isaac as a free weight and do the best I can.

Patience. There are plenty or areas that I struggle with when it comes to motherhood, but I think I'm pretty good at being patient.  Age three for sure is testing that daily, but for the most part this is a strength for me. 

The not so good:

Flexibility.  Last minute plan changes, switching around our schedule or day.  I stink at.  I hate last minute things, am the opposite of spontaneous, and while I think some of that is okay I want to be more flexible and need to try harder to not be rigid with my time.

Surrendering.  Letting go of my worries and handing over control to God is something that I struggle with.  While I definitely go through phases where this is easier at times, accepting that I am not in control of things, especially my kids is hard.  I worry about their health and their safety and want to protect the things I love the most.  I continually remind myself that God is my number one priority and that he will take care of everything in my life, but that I need to surrender it all to Him.

Expectations.  Sometimes I think my expectations of things are too high.  Friendships. Holidays. Even certain days.  Things with young kids are so unpredictable and I am so slowly learning that so many times things don't go as planned.  I'm working on not being super sensitive to things or over analyzing situations that sometimes hurt my feelings, when I'm sure that isn't anyone intentions. I'm learning to be more content with days with no plans and time at home with my kids and am so thankful that I get to have the job that I do, even if things often don't go as planned!

So here's to year 32! Continuing to work on both the areas in my life I see success in and the ones that need improvement!