. . . for Lauren and Lauren: There will always be something . . .

May 4, 2014

There will always be something . . .

It's a little ironic that I wrote this post and then three hours later we were on our way to the Emergency Room because Addilyn woke up and was having a really hard time breathing.  We're pretty sure she had an asthma attack, probably due to her build up congestion from a cold this week.  We waited there for three long hours and got home, exhausted of course after 1:30 in the morning.  I wrote about surrendering my worries to God and then he gave me an opportunity to do so right away.  I can't say I was free from extreme worry when Chris picked her up because she was gasping for air.  The idea of anything happening to Addilyn is terribly painful to even think about.  But I know I can't spend each night going to bed worried about her. Which is why this lesson is so important for me to constantly be working on . . . .  

I've shared multiple times that I struggle with worrying, over analyzing and obsessing about things.  These were all present before I had a baby, but they seem to only be magnified now that I am a mom.  I guess I keep thinking that whenever this current phase or worry is over, anxiety or concern won't be present in my daily life. 

But I am quickly realizing that is not the case.  When I was pregnant I kept thinking I'd feel better and less worried at every stage.  When we heard the heart beat.  When I was out of the first trimester.  Then it moved to the 20 week ultrasound.  Then to when she'd survive on her own if born early and then it wasn't until I was holding her. 

Turns out the worry only continues.  Forever I was so concerned with Addilyn's sleep or lack there of.  I thought about it constantly and while I still do as we have harder days and I still worry she'll never sleep all night, it is so much better now.  But turns out I have no problem letting something else fill my worry tank. 

At Addilyn's nine month appointment we found out she had barely gained weight the last three months.  The doctor wasn't super worried but was definitely surprised and concerned.  We're going back next week to see if she's gained any weight and the last three weeks it's been hard for me not to obsess and worry daily that she's not eating enough.  Addilyn has had a lot of colds the last few months and when she can't breathe well through her nose she just won't eat.  She won't nurse much or take a bottle, and I can't make her eat.  

It's stressful for me and hard for me not to worry.  But I realize as soon as this problem is over there will be something else.  I'm sure she'll be just fine and I know she's overall a healthy baby.  

I don't want to keep replacing one worry for the next.  I know that motherhood will always be filled with things to worry about your kids and that even when Addilyn is an adult I'll still worry about her.  But I know there is a difference in wanting your kids to be healthy, happy and worrying that they might not be and then obsessing over and not letting things be.  To trust that God will take care of those things and to relax and enjoy the moments.  

I'd like to say that I lean more towards the latter but that does not come naturally for me.  I want to daily remind myself that when things are hard or stressful with Addilyn either due to her being sick, not eating or fighting sleep that tomorrow things could be completely different.  That she changes so quickly and tomorrow is a new day.  And I want to remember that when things are easy and wonderful, when she's happy, healthy and sleeping well that I should enjoy it and be thankful as I know things can change any time.  

It all comes down to surrendering my day, my fears and my sweet Addilyn to God and letting him take over.

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Sybil@PeaceitallTogether said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Trusting God with my kids is one of the hardest things. I know they have to hurt, get sick and feel sad, but some days it is so hard. My best advice, and some that I need to take just as much as the next mom...just take it one day, one moment at a time. And, as hard as it is to believe, he loves Addi even more than you do :)

Lindsay @ Pursuit of Pink said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Great post! Every night when I lay Kendall down to sleep, I pray over her and I have started adding that she is God's for the night. There is nothing I can do while I sleep except surrender her over to God. He will take care of her. Its easier said than done and I have my nights of checking on her every hour, but I've realized I can't control everything. I can't keep her from flipping over onto her stomach while she sleeps (I'm still scared she will suffocate), I can't stop the inevitable. I just need to trust God that He will protect my sweet little girl. Hugs to you sweet mama. I hope Addi is feeling much better now.

Jen Worrell said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I'm totally on the same page (even though some of my worries are incredibly irrational ... What if I accidentally trip walking down the hall and she goes flying over the bannister to the first floor? Yes. I'm crazy.). I have to remember that God gave her to me. She's His, and He'll take care of her!

Erika said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So scary… I can't imagine a poor baby struggling to breathe. Hope she is well now! My son gained pretty much no weight from about 6 months till 10 months. Our dr was almost 80 and was SOOOO laid back… i guess 50 years of practice will do that to you. Anyways, he's now almost three and perfectly healthy. It was odd at the time but I guess everyone grows at different rates. Good luck mama!!

Jenn King said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I read your blog everyday, but have never commented until now. I have 3 daughters, Michele died in 1996 on the same day she was born, Maureen is 16 and Madie is almost 15 (the Ms were an accident, totally not on purpose). After losing Michele, I spent the next 2 pregnancies worrying about every step I took. After they were born I worried about every breath they took. I don't know when the worrying stopped, but one day I went to bed and realized that I didn't have 15 panic attacks, I only had 14. Slowly that number diminished to 1 or 2 a month. Do I still worry, yep, especially with one days away from having her drivers license. I say all of this to let you know that there are those of us out here that "get it". I also want you to know that it gets easier and it gets better. I will pray that tomorrow you have one less moment of worry and that next week you have two less moments. Addilyn is a beautiful little girl who has an amazing mommy who loves her. I love reading your blog! Thanks for sharing your heart!

Sharlee said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You sound like me exactly. After I had my baby the worry was so bad it was almost unbearable. Everyone kept telling me to give it to God and to pray. It has been the biggest trial of my faith so far because I found myself not wanting to because I felt scared of Him... Because He's all knowing... I have never feared God like that before and it's been hard to come back from that. Thank you for this post.

Bailey@Lost&Found said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I am the exact same way. I have been called crazy and neurotic, but it's just who I am. I knew I would be crazy in love with my baby boy, but just how much, well it took me by surprise. My biggest issue is letting go of the control, since sadly, I can't control everything. I hope Addilyn gets well soon! A sick baby is the worst- however, i'm fairly certain you are probably having a harder time than her.

TheTinyHeart said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

How scary that she was having trouble breathing and you had to go to the ER! Hope she feels better. I too am a worrier so I can definitely relate to this post!

The Tiny Heart
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two birds said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

It's hard to find that balance of worry and letting go when you are a parent. I think as time goes by and you see what your children are capable, you can start little by little to let go, but the worry never leaves!! I hope she's feeling better! And you, too!

Agnes Mayer said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I'm glad she is ok but there is definitely always something. This saturday, during my son's dance practice, he broke out in hives and got very itchy. I thought he might have chicken pox. Thankfully our wait in the ER was short and it turned out he just had some sort of virus. There is always something and it was also his birthday weekend. I've learned to take things as they come. It's life. Hope her weight goes up and you guys can get it all sorted out.



Lindsay Ropella said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh wow - I hope she's doing better this morning! I can't even imagine - how scary! Saying a prayer for you guys today...

Sarah said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

@Jen Worrell

Jen, I have that same exact worry about the stairs! With my first, I would literally walk next to the wall, so there was no chance of him going over the side falling down to the first floor! Crazy mom things!

Sarah said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

So scary! Glad that she's okay, did you get something for if it happens again? Worrying, yep that's what I do best. My son was like A with weight. At his 6 month he was in 46% in weight and then each appointment after that he went down drastically till at 1 year old he was in the 2%! While it worried me, he was still his happy self, and I had to keep telling myself, they won't let themselves starve!

Erin LFF said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I'm glad to hear lil Addilyn is okay, I can't imagine how scary that must have been. I am a horrible worrier, and something I constantly pray about it and need help with. Thanks for this reminder today!

Head to Toe Chic said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I'm such a worrier too. It's so hard to get rid of that habit sometimes.

Asthma attacks are definitely a scary thing. I hope that she's feeling better!


Brianne Bracco said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Awww poor sweet baby girl! I'm so glad she is doing better <3

Denise said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Praying for you, and your precious baby girl.

Avonandmark4you.ecrater.com said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Praying that you will see the unnecessary waste of time worrying is for a follower of Christ. For all things work for the Glory of Christ and nothing comes to us that hasn't already been before the Lord. I have found that Phillipians to be a great book to help fight against worry. Because remember Worry is sin. Its not trusting God. So Here is my favorite passage to meditate on.

Phillipians 4:
4 Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.

5Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.

6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.