. . . for Lauren and Lauren: Bipolar momma

May 21, 2014

Bipolar momma


I've had a few rougher days lately.  Days where one little thing like someone asking how old "is he?" make me want to cry.  Which is a big sign that I'm overly emotional and upset about other things. 

Lately I have felt weary of feeling like I am always initiating things with friends and I start over thinking things and feeling like the only reason I ever have plans is because I ask people.  Most of the time that feels completely worth it to me and I get over it, but some days when plans are cancelled or I find myself with nothing to do, I start to feel frustrated and lonely.  It's easy for me to get into a slump of self pity, "nobody wants to hang out with me" kind of mood.  

Friday morning we had no plans.  Addilyn was fussy and I wanted to get out of the house.  I needed more diapers so thought a quick trip to Target would give us something to do.  (If only Addilyn would recognize the enjoyment of wandering Target's aisles.)  We got to Target and as soon as I walked in I realized Addilyn had a terrible diaper blowout that meant we both needed outfit changes. (Note to self. Keep a shirt for me in my diaper bag.)  We are no strangers of poop disasters in the Target bathroom, but this one was the worst.   After a trip to the bathroom I realized I had no diapers and had to go back to the car, then back to the bathroom. 

She was crying and squirming as I was trying to change her diaper and her clothes and both of us were a mess.  I felt frustrated with our day already and wanted to cry. 

Then I was reminded that it was this same bathroom I was in when I was five weeks pregnant and thought I was having a miscarriage.  So then I really started crying thinking about what life would be like if I didn't have Addilyn.  It's amazes me how fast your emotions can go from one to the next.  Crying because I was sad and then crying because I'm so thankful we have Addilyn, even if it means dealing with a disgusting disaster. 

Basically it's a good thing you didn't run into me at Target this day.  

The rest of the day honestly continued from me being tired and frustrated, when she wouldn't take a nap and cried and cried.  Then so thankful and emotional when she finally fell asleep on me and I just stared at her sweet face.  

Sometimes I feel my emotions go through extremes during the day.  Feelings of exhaustion and ready for the day to be over, to feelings of complete satisfaction and contentment with being a stay at home mom.  From feeling frustrated that I feel like I don't have friends who ask me to hang out, then thoughts of how I can be content with spendings days with just me and Addilyn.  Addilyn can be giggling and happy to crying and fussy in minutes.  And I feel like her sometimes.  


All this to say that it's a great reminder to me that all these things are temporary.  It's easy for me to get in a bad mood and stay there.  To wallow in a frustrating situation and stay there.  But a bad morning does not always lead to a bad afternoon.   A long day doesn't mean tomorrow will follow the same way.  Some days are just long and hard but tomorrow is a new day.   



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21 comments:

Denise said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Saying prayers for you.

Jessica said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I love how honest and real you are when you write. I am sorry that you have had some tough days. But thank you for sharing your heart and being open.

Amy said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I know the feelings of frustration you have of always asking people to hang out and never the other way around! Some days I feel like my only conversation is with my 2 year old...thank goodness for husbands and mom friends :)

Suzanne Bruce said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh my GOD!!!! You soooooo speak for me!!! If you knew how many times u felt like a loser mom because we weren't part of some play group or because we were going to the park just us.... You speak for so many who thought they were alone... Even now I have thoughts like," we shod be sitting outside instead of me taking a nap" thank you thank you thank you for letting all of us know everyone feels inadequate....

Suzanne Bruce said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

And that was I not u... Autocorrect!!!!

Agnes Mayer said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I so know how you feel. Motherhood is very much like that and yes we have to remind ourselves that this too shall pass, but it's so hard when we are in the midst of it all. I'm glad that you were able to smile that day.

Agi:)

vodkainfusedlemonade.com

Liz said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Wish we lived closer so we could be raging, hormonal mamas together :)

Bailey@Lost&Found said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

What Liz said ^

Allison said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oh my gosh...the Target blowout sounds crazy, but putting things in perspective always changes my mindset too. You are a good Mama. :)

J and A said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Why oh why don't we love closer. This post was hitting close to home for sure for me. I go up and down in a day so fast!! Motherhood can be lonely but we have a great little side kick!

maria said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Tough days are the worst! Hugs!

two birds said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Oy! That Target experience sounds awful. I am sorry, Katie. I am glad you were able to find a positive spin to it! You are an awesome mama. Hormones are crazy, aren't they? As is motherhood. But you are doing awesome.

Ginny MyNewFavoriteOutfit said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I think staying at home after being a teacher is rough. We're used to being around people ALL THE TIME. I always have to have something planned it get out of the house during he summer, some moms just aren't planners. I recently had a conversation with a couple of girlfriends from our new class at church and they said they weren't planners but to invite them along when I decided to go somewhere. It can be hard when you feel like the planner, but if they didn't want to hang out they'd just say no, right? Anyway, keep your head up, things continue to get easier as Addi will get older.

Sybil@PeaceitallTogether said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Being a mom is so hard, but so rewarding. It is a series of ups and downs...and I'm right there with you. I wish I could say it gets easier as they get older, but that's not really true. The hard just gets different. Just wait until you have to explain puberty, etc. to Addilyn - you'd gladly go back to diaper disasters at that point. :) The encouraging part - you are not in this alone! XO

Lindsay Ropella said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This was so real. I don't have kids yet, but I can understand dealing with an emotional rollercoaster and feeling like no one really cares much about you to being so content with the life you do have. Thanks for sharing your great perspective on dealing with these emotions, as I'm pretty sure we all have dealt with them at one point or another.

Lindsay Ropella said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This was so real. I don't have kids yet, but I can understand dealing with an emotional rollercoaster and feeling like no one really cares much about you to being so content with the life you do have. Thanks for sharing your great perspective on dealing with these emotions, as I'm pretty sure we all have dealt with them at one point or another.

Jessica said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You said it perfectly Katie! I'm feeling that way this week. Reading your post put a smile on my face (and I may have got a little teary-eyed too). SO much to be thankful for! God is good :-)

Autumn Duke said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Yes! I feel you, oh I definitely feel you. Also, if I lived closer I would ask you to hang out! It really is so hard to have a social life as a mom of a toddler/baby though. Even when I do get together with friends, I feel like I'm so consumed with Klair and keeping her out of mischief that I don't really spend quality time with them... sigh. Like you said though, it's a good problem to have!

Monique Grattan said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You're doing good mama. I know how it feels to be lonely though. I hope that you find a good and available friend soon.

Christina Schergen said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Loved your thoughts today!! I have been feeling lately that I seem to only get phone calls when people need something and it is like they forgot we are friends and have a friendship...that can be soooooooo disheartening and make you feel bad all together.

Trust me I too am so blessed to have 3 sweet babies...but lets face sometimes it is great to talk to someone over the age of 7 lol.

p.s. addilyn is getting so big!

Ashley said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

This post is soo true!! I love everything about motherhood, but by the end of the day, I find myself waiting for M to get home, for both a break and company!! But at the same time I wouldn't change a thing!!