I wrote this post quite awhile ago. Soon after we found out we were pregnant. This time around I've been far less anxious than I was when I was pregnant with Addilyn. Yet my worries and anxieties still creep in here and there, especially at the beginning.
We took a pregnancy test while we were on vacation in Florida, and again the day we got home. The line still seemed pretty faint and I was nervous I wasn't really pregnant. With Addilyn I was on a lot of hormones before and after we found out we were pregnant to regulate things. I knew this was a totally different situation, as we didn't do fertility treatments, so clearly my hormones could be completely fine. But I was nervous and anxious to get them checked and see if I needed any extra medicine, so I went in right away for blood work.
The next day I got a call with my numbers. My progesterone and hgc levels were good and they told me I could come back in a few days if I wanted to, but that things looked good. I said I didn't need to come back and I'd wait for my 7 week appointment. But then I got home and a few hours later starting thinking about how my numbers were the same as when I was pregnant the time before Addilyn, only to find out two days later my numbers barely grew so we knew we'd loose the baby. I had this overwhelming feeling of the same thing happening. I immediately started crying. Hard. I'm not one to get on my knees to pray. I don't know why, but I don't know when I've done it. But I got on my knees and prayed for God to protect this baby. To take away my anxieties and to thank Him for giving us this miracle. To thank him for loving my baby even more than I do.
I know I've said this before, but the miracle of the situation hasn't worn off. Forever we had said that when Addilyn turned two we would either meet with our fertility doctor to talk about our options, or start the process of adoption. Here we were two weeks before Addilyn's birthday and I find out I'm pregnant. It's like God is saying, "Katie, I've got this. I knew before Addilyn was even born that today you'd find out you are pregnant. I've got this baby and I couldn't love him/her more."
Of course there are so many emotions that come with this, one being scared of all the what ifs. I feel nervous for my 20 week ultrasound, and nervous that our baby won't be healthy. But I feel so much peace that God has this under control. That God loves every one of my babies more than I can imagine. The babies that I didn't get to meet before we had Addilyn. The baby that is in my belly right now, the babies we may have in the future. He knows the day I will hold those sweet babies too. And He's got them all.