I'm feeling a little discouraged about motherhood these days. Our transition to two kids has gone better than I thought overall, but I feel like there was this honeymoon stage. Isaac slept during the day and didn't need any kind of schedule. He was content, happy, and I was able to focus on Addi a lot still. My expectations for sleep were low and I didn't stress out about what I should or shouldn't be doing. But I feel like as the months set in, these things should be lessened and I should have a better routine, more sleep and getting more things done. Which is the opposite that is happening!
The last two weeks have been rough. Isaac is not a good sleeper, naps or night. Foolishly I thought that we were bound to get a better sleeper than Addilyn was and sadly he is just as bad, maybe even worse? I spent way too much time when Addi was a baby stressing over her schedule, trying different things and reading so much about sleep. I promised I wouldn't do that this time around and then I found myself reading sleep boards, articles, searching who knows what last night. Comparing how your baby sleeps to others is an awful thing and a complete waste of time. And where are the people that have sleepless babes, because can they start posting about that too? Sometimes I struggle feeling like I'm failing because he has no idea how to go to sleep or stay asleep.
The last two days Addi has thrown some pretty epic fits. More intense than any she's done before and I keep thinking is this three? What if we're in this stage and how do I handle it?
It's felt really hard to do things this summer. I obviously wouldn't change it for anything but I find myself thinking how easy it would be to do things if it were just Addi.
I can't figure out how to best use my free time since there still isn't much. Addi takes great naps and if I hold Isaac he'll sleep long too, so I usually end up doing that during her nap. Sometimes I can get a workout in when both are up but it's hard and doesn't happen easily. Bedtime is tricky because Isaac won't stay down and by the time they're both asleep for real my energy is so not towards working out. And then there's blogging, or a craft I'd like to do too. I'm struggling with what to prioritize and how best to feel like I'm taking care of me during the small chunks of time I have.
I find myself longing for future days when we can do things easily, like all go swimming or not plan around nursing or naps. To go to a water park or a beach for a whole day. To have movie nights on the couch and to leave the kids with grandparents for the weekend. But then I cried the other morning when I found an appointment reminder card for my 40 week check up, thinking how sad I am that the excitement of Isaac's birth and his first weeks are over. Motherhood emotions are crazy. Sometimes I don't know what to do with them all!
I'm trying hard to just relax and remind myself that this is a season. One that I'll never be in again, and that will pass and I'll forget how tired I was (right?) and soon enough this baby stage will be long passed and we'll have different things that make life tricky or tiring. To try to soak up the good things of this stage, like the excitement of Isaac learning something new or watching Addi make him laugh.
Life is exhausting, but I am reminded how lucky I am often and working to focus on those cute faces each day!