. . . for Lauren and Lauren: If I could do it differently

October 20, 2014

If I could do it differently

I had this post started up with a list of things that I'd like to do differently if I started over with Addilyn.  A list of things that I would want to differently if we have another baby.  Some things like let Chris comfort Addilyn during the night from the beginning, because we're kind of stuck in this bad pattern of me being the only one that can calm her down.  Or to be more consistent throughout her first year with putting her in the church nursery because now she screams and cries and it makes me dread Sunday mornings.  Things like not respond the second she makes a sound in the middle of the night for the first six months and probably setting her up to not so great sleeping habits.  To leave her for longer periods of time with our parents, have them put her down for naps and bedtime. Or how she's currently in a phase where she wants to nurse many times during the day, which she's never done and maybe I should've weaned her sooner.

For last few weeks I've been worried about all these things and have been fixating on them.  My girlfriends are going away for a night next month and I'm not going to go because I'm not ready to leave Addilyn overnight.  She still nurses once during the night and I just don't feel ready to leave her.  I know plenty of moms have left their babies overnight by this point and even lots have gone away with their husbands without their babies and feel like maybe I should be ready.  When I see posts of couples leaving their babies who are younger than Addilyn I wonder what's wrong with us, that I'm not ready for that.

Then I stop and think about how she is already 15 months.  The last year and a half have gone so quickly and can only imagine the next year and half will go by just as fast.  Then she'll be three and not even close to a baby.  These issues won't be issues anymore and they'll be replaced with different battles, like tantrums and wanting to stay and play at Grandma and Grandpa's and not come home.

So when it comes down to it I don't think I would've been able to do any of those things differently. I just did whatever I thought was the best for us, in that moment.  I'm sure down the line I'll do things differently with another baby, as it won't all feel so foreign and new.  But more probably because that baby will be different than Addilyn, and I'll have different needs and approaches at that time too.

It's so easy for me to fixate on things and I'm trying so hard to just let them go.  But it's a struggle. To remind myself that we're happy and all I can do is the best I can do.  To take it day by day and do what is working for our family. And that above anything Addilyn is loved like crazy.  And that I would do the same over and over.

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two birds said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

What a great post. You are right! You can only do what is best for you and your family. Don't ever stop to compare yourself to anyone else or think you are doing something wrong. Sure, maybe you will do things differently later or if you have another kid, but that is totally normal. Addilyn is so loved and that is so clear! You are a great mom and she seems like a very happy and healthy little girl!

Laura Darling said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I think she is adorable - and that you are going a great job!

Christina said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You are doing an amazing job mama! My daughter is also 15 months and I haven't left her overnight yet. She also loves to nurse during the day and once overnight. I just soak up the snuggles, closeness, and momentary stillness (she's a very wiggly, busy baby). Try not to compare yourself to other parents. What is easy for you might be a great struggle for another & vice versa. I totally struggle with these feelings too. Why is my kid the only one at music class trying to whack another kid over the head with a drum?

Sharlee said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Yes, yes, yes! I agree. I wouldn't necessarily do anything different even though I sometimes feel that way. I did what I did because it FELT right and it meet her needs. I'm convinced that that's the only "right." Also, Jana from Life Could be a Dream just left her son overnight and he just turned two. I already know that neither JaiseAnn or I will be ready for me to leave her overnight before then and I'm totally okay with it. It's truly going by so fast.

Katie said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You're doing a great job. The most important thing is that she feels so loved and cared for. Give yourself lots of props for that.

Jennifer @ Delightfully Noted said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

If it makes you feel any better I also have not left B overnight with anyone other than my hubby (when I returned to work I had to travel for 2 nights but he was home with daddy, so it doesn't count!) We keep discussing a weekend getaway but I stress over all the things and little quirks that family won't know about putting him down, blah, blah, blah. I also 2nd the not running in there at night right when he makes a peep! I guess we live and learn, right??

Bailey@coffeeandcrayons.net said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Octavian will be one in a couple weeks and I share many of these feelings. The hubs and I haven't even been out for a date night since he was born. The longest we have been away from him together was two hours, and the longest I've been away from him was 2 hours LOL. I need to do a post like this! While I think I've done a pretty good job, there are lots of things I would do differently!

Nicole @ Haute Runner said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Great post! Hindsight is always 20/20. You did/do what you feel is best your Addilyn and your family.
I feel as though this post is exactly how my first was/is. My second is a much different child but he has to be since I have a toddler to care for also. Is he different because he's the 2nd or a boy or just personality? No one can say for sure but as parents we try to do the best we can. No one knows Addilyn better than her parents.

April Lynn said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

nothing out of the norm :)
I didn't have an overnight away from my daughter until I had my son. She was 2 years and 3 months. We all just do what feels right. Years from now whether your left her overnight or she nursed frequently won't even matter, as long as you were all happy.

maria said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

You know what? You are doing a great job! And if you're blessed with a second baby you'll be great too! Will you do some things differently? Probably! But does that mean it will be better or worse? no, just different! Every baby, every parent, every situation is unique!

Amanda said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Love this! Every baby and parent is different and you just have to do what's best for you guys! 😀👍

J and A said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Love this. I think you nailed it when you said you are just doing what you know is best right now for your family. That is all that matters. You will go away with Chris and your GFs when you are ready. You are an amazing Mama!!

Sarah said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Great post, so true, every baby is different and you do what you need to do to survive! My husband and I always say, you never see anyone in high school/college still nursing/not sleeping through the night/not eating food, etc. Everything is a phase in when you think about it, it's such a short amount of time in a long life :) Good job Mama

Jessica Thibaudeau said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Aubree is my third and I haven't left her overnight, she still nurses all day and wakes up throughout the night and only wants me! I can 100% relate!

Head to Toe Chic said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

I love these pictures of you two! You are a great Mom and you're doing what's best for your family :)


Lisa @ MMT said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Great post! Love your honesty! Your daughter sounds a lot like mine! Avi is my second and we still have (had, no longer nursing) the same issues, so don't worry! Like you said every child is different and has different needs. My son was so easy going and wasn't even clingy to me like Avi is. Maybe it's just their personalities and not the mommy's faults :)

Also, I've seen couples go on vacations to and I could never do it! Ethans five and we've never left him with anyone else for more than a night! So that's okay too :)

Phy said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Hi Katie.. Just discovered your blog today. Thank you for being honest. I have the same thoughts and "If only I had.." moments when it came to Sophie but I too realized that there was nothing I could do to change it due to the newness of her being the first child.

Ashley said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Interesting concept, to be able to look back and guess at how different you think things would be had you done them differently. But I think with that, you would also have different issues come up. There isnt really a right or wrong way I guess!
I know for me, I am nowhere near ready to leave Noah, heck I miss him when I leave him for an hour or two and it just about killed me to leave him for a wedding. I feel soo attached to Noah, but I cant complain and luckily he isnt making strange - yet!
I think you have done a great job with Addilyn!

Kelley @LoveLikeCrazy said... Best Blogger TipsBest Blogger Templates

Thanks for your honesty! I think people are put into your day sometimes - right when you need them - and if you listen, you'll hear exactly what you need. One day on the way in to work, I had been up all night with Olivia - was pretty happy she wasn't with me at work, but was also annoyed that I had to go in on no sleep. On my way in a man asked, 'how are you' and I said 'tired - up all night with the baby' and he said 'I'd give anything to be in your shoes right now.' He and his wife compromised on one child (he wanted a million, she wanted none) - who has gone off to college and isn't coming home for Fall Break bc "you got me for 18 years, I'm going with my girlfriend for this one." To wrap this up before its the longest comment ever - there will be a point in our life when all we want is to be back with our little babies - babies who need us, instead of teenagers who don't - even if its in the middle of the night. Think about that anytime you second guess loving Addilyn too much. It'll all be gone too quickly and you'll never regret holding her or being with her too much.