Last week I went into my school and officially quit my teaching job. I'm pretty sure most of you thought that has already happened, as I haven't taught for a year and half, but I was so lucky to have an extended maternity leave and had a job set for me in the Fall if I wanted to go back. I would have loved if it was an option at my school to job share and work part time, but that isn't and I trust that God knew that and that being home with Addilyn full time is where I am supposed to be.
While I knew that the chances of me returning were slim, there was a whole new realm of emotions when it became official. Teaching was such a huge part of my life for six years. The first few years of teaching I spent at least a few hours every weekend in my classroom, hours at home during the week and like most careers it defined a big part of who I was for those years. I know that God made me to be a teacher. While I wasn't always 100% confident I know I was a great teacher and loved it.
My school is less than ten minutes from my house. I worked there for six years and felt pretty comfortable and confident in my position. I had my Masters plus some classes, I had worked my way up some on the pay scale and had excellent insurance. All this to say, it's hard to give that up. To leave a job that is hard to get into right now and not have any guarantee of going back into the teaching world.
There are a lot of things I miss about teaching. I miss reading aloud to students. I miss making bulletin boards and posters, writing in a calendar, feeling organized and having a desk. I miss funny kid stories. I miss getting dressed everyday and talking with my teacher friends. I miss feeling used and purposeful in that way. Not to leave out giving up awesome insurance that allowed us to afford all of our fertility treatments and get pregnant with Addilyn. There was almost this sick feeling in my stomach the few days before I went into school, knowing I'd be giving up all these things for a long period of time. Giving up somewhere I felt comfortable, confident and purposeful.
But the thought of being away from Addilyn everyday and missing her is greater than those things. I don't want to miss the new funny things she says or the kisses I get during the day. Singing to her before her naps or snuggling with her afterwards. Playdates with friends and going to new places.
While there's mixed emotions with giving up my teaching career, I am fully confident that God has me where I should be right now as a stay at home mom. I'm so thankful that we are financially able to make that happen, and know that there are so many moms who would love to be in my place. I don't want to take that for granted.
When I was little someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said "nothing. Just like my mom." Well I am officially doing that "nothing" and I am thrilled.