This post may make me sound like a straight up selfish attention seeking monster, and I've had it in my drafts for awhile because I'm not sure if there is a great point, wisdom or anything someone could take away from it. But I figure if anything I'm someone being honest and sharing my heart.
This last month has been hard for me, and I hesitate to even say that out loud because the people around me are having much harder months. The majority of my close friends right now are all going through really big transitions and hard things. My sister moved here from Vermont, is currently living with my parents, starting a new job, looking for a house and dealing with huge transitions for her family. My closest friend got two foster babies this month and now has three kids just two and under. Two of my other friends just had new babies and now have two little young children to care for. Another friend just bought a house and is moving, another one pregnant and also taking care of a one year.
And here I am with nothing going on. Life is the same, and constant and things are good. Why on earth would I be complaining? See? Selfish attention seeking self wanting to shout "Hey! I'm here. Feed into me."
I think it's been hard because while although my life isn't currently full of big changes or transitions, life is life and still has it's challenges. I think it's been hard for me that everyone around me is moving on to more kids, bigger responsibilities or life events. And sometimes I've felt lost in everyone's busyness. And I hesitate to write this as I know my close friends read this. So friends. You're doing great and I know the second I needed something you would be there, and down the line I'm sure our roles will be reversed.
I think friendships work like marriages or any relationships. There are seasons where one of you needs more than the other. Needs more encouragement, help and more listening ears. And then later down the line the roles reverse. I've seen that back and forth many times in our marriage. I know that down the line I'll surely have bigger problems and will need their support through it.
I think God's using all these circumstances to first of all point on my selfishness and then second to teach me how to be a better friend. To remind me that my life right now is really good. Not free of problems, but not filled with any huge ones.
The thing is I could have a hundred friends that all initiate things, encourage me and continually pour into to me. But that isn't what needs to fill me. I think when you spend so much time at home with lack of adult conversations, you start thinking that this is true. That because I go days without seeing a friend, or I ask a handful of friends to do things and they all are busy or don't respond, that I'm lonely and pathetic.
But I know that isn't true. I know that I need to find my worth and fulfillment in bigger things. To pursue God deeper and let that fulfill me more. And to be so thankful that Chris is my best friend and cling to our relationship more. I need to continue to work on contentment, continuing to pursue friendships and initiate, but also learning to work on being happy with more quietness, less business and days with just me and Addilyn.