I've been thinking a lot this week about where we are now as opposed to a year ago. A year ago, Labor Day weekend was one of the hardest weekends of my life as we found out that we were no longer pregnant after another fertility treatment. I couldn't have been more devastated, sad and pretty hopeless feeling. That weekend I stayed home and cried and cried.
This last weekend we got to take our sweet baby to a Labor day party and it was so much fun. Last night I was rocking Addilyn as she feel asleep, just thinking about the difference a year makes. Once she feel asleep, I was scrolling through my facebook and instagram feed on my phone and seeing so many pictures of babies. I've had a handful of good blogging friends have babies recently and I love looking at all their pictures.
Last year at this time, scrolling through baby pictures would have been so hard for me, as it was a constant reminder of what I wanted but didn't know if I'd ever get. There were many weeks where I wouldn't spend much time on facebook or instagram, as it sometimes was too hard and painful.
I know there are a handful of friends I've made through my struggle to get pregnant that are still waiting for their baby. I think about them often and wonder if it's hard for them to see my pictures or read my blog. I almost feel guilty that pictures of my baby would made someone sad, as I know the feeling all too well.
It makes me leery of posting about how somethings have been hard since having Addilyn. I don't ever want to come across as complaining, although some times that is what it feels like. Motherhood is hard and although I wouldn't change where we are one bit, the transition and struggles are real and I think talking about them, getting encouragement and support is good for me. However, I remember reading statuses or blogs about moms exhausted from staying up all night and thinking how I want that problem. So I guess what I'm saying is that I want to be real that sometimes life is hard, but I am so grateful for the place we are in. While I don't enjoy only sleeping a few hours each night, I feel lucky that that is a problem I have.
It'd be impossible to not blog about being a mom. About the fun things and the hard things. And I want to be able to look back and have our stories written out and remembered. I know people don't expect me to not post pictures of Addilyn or write about her, but I am just reminded how much of a true blessing this baby is and I want to be sensitive to others going through that struggle.