(Sorry for the blurry photos. I use my phone most of the time and she moves far too quickly these days to get a clear picture.)
I've been having a hard time the last two weeks or so adjusting to this new phase of motherhood. I feel like all of a sudden Addilyn is not such a baby anymore. I know things have been constantly changing since she's been born but with her starting to move more, eating solids, getting teeth and showing her personality I feel like it has taken parenting. to a new level.
It has been so fun to see Addilyn's personality come out. She is so funny and I think she is starting to realize it. The other night she started making these funny faces and sounds when I was feeding her and Chris and I started laughing and she kept doing it. Then first thing the next morning she did the same thing again. It blows my mind that she is smart enough to remember stuff like that now.
On the down side she has also started crying when I take something away from her or throwing these mini fits when she doesn't like something. This part of parenting scares me. I feel like when she's a baby it's a huge responsibility to take care of her, but there's not a whole lot of wondering how or what to do. Feed her, cuddle her, love her. It LOTS of time but it was clear how to handle most of those things.
Now? I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. How much solids to give her. When to start nursing less and feeding real food more. When do I start trying to actually teach her things?
We take a music class on Mondays and Addilyn loves it. She does her manly grunt and nose sniffly laughs (super feminine I know) throughout the whole class. This last week though, she was a little more fussy than normal. At the beginning and end of class they do a hello and goodbye song and go around and sing each kids' name. Turns out she was incredibly happy, laughing and loving it when everyone was staring at her. Move onto a different baby? Not so happy.
Shoot. My baby is an attention hog.
Of course I am aware that babies are happier when they have your attention. And being my only baby and staying home with her, she of course gets all my attention. But it did make me realize that my responsibility as a parent is definitely changing. As her personality continues to develop I want to know how to encourage her positive qualities, and know how to handle the not so positive ones too.
I've started praying a lot more for Addilyn in terms of the kind of girl she is going to become. I've always prayed that she'd know how much she is loved by us and by God and grow up loving and knowing Him. But I'm starting to pray more for other qualities, like for her be a good friend, to be kind and loving. To be affectionate and sweet. And I would of course love it she kept being funny too.
And because I know there will be a million times those not so pretty qualities make their appearance, I also am praying that I'll have wisdom in how to handle them. I was well aware that motherhood would be hard. But there are times when I look at this little girl and can't believe that I am responsible for her. And now not just for her physical needs but all her other needs to. I absolutely love being a mom, and know that I will continue to go through plenty of phases where I don't feel prepared. And I'm so thankful for the reminder that God picked me to be Addilyn's mom and picked her to be my baby.