God's got your babies

I wrote this post quite awhile ago.  Soon after we found out we were pregnant.  This time around I've been far less anxious than I was when I was pregnant with Addilyn.  Yet my worries and anxieties still creep in here and there, especially at the beginning.    
We took a pregnancy test while we were on vacation in Florida, and again the day we got home.  The line still seemed pretty faint and I was nervous I wasn't really pregnant.  With Addilyn I was on a lot of hormones before and after we found out we were pregnant to regulate things.  I knew this was a totally different situation, as we didn't do fertility treatments, so clearly my hormones could be completely fine.  But I was nervous and anxious to get them checked and see if I needed any extra medicine, so I went in right away for blood work.  
The next day I got a call with my numbers.  My progesterone and hgc levels were good and they told me I could come back in a few days if I wanted to, but that things looked good.  I said I didn't need to come back and I'd wait for my 7 week appointment.  But then I got home and a few hours later starting thinking about how my numbers were the same as when I was pregnant the time before Addilyn, only to find out two days later my numbers barely grew so we knew we'd loose the baby.  I had this overwhelming feeling of the same thing happening.  I immediately started crying.  Hard.  I'm not one to get on my knees to pray.  I don't know why, but I don't know when I've done it.  But I got on my knees and prayed for God to protect this baby.  To take away my anxieties and to thank Him for giving us this miracle.  To thank him for loving my baby even more than I do.  
I know I've said this before, but the miracle of the situation hasn't worn off.  Forever we had said that when Addilyn turned two we would either meet with our fertility doctor to talk about our options, or start the process of adoption.  Here we were two weeks before Addilyn's birthday and I find out I'm pregnant.  It's like God is saying, "Katie, I've got this.  I knew before Addilyn was even born that today you'd find out you are pregnant.  I've got this baby and I couldn't love him/her more."

Of course there are so many emotions that come with this, one being scared of all the what ifs.  I feel nervous for my 20 week ultrasound, and nervous that our baby won't be healthy. But I feel so much peace that God has this under control.  That God loves every one of my babies more than I can imagine.  The babies that I didn't get to meet before we had Addilyn.  The baby that is in my belly right now, the babies we may have in the future.  He knows the day I will hold those sweet babies too.  And He's got them all.   

An overdue high school reunion

 dress: old navy   sandals: target

Monday I got to see four ladies that have been my friends since elementary school.  We grew up together, had countless sleepovers, know each other's families, history and no matter how long we go without seeing or talking we can jump right in and have deep, funny, wonderful conversations.  It had been almost three years since we've all been together and what a treat it was to spend 24 hours with them on Monday.  We spent the day sitting, eating, drinking coffee, getting pedicures, hanging out in the hotel room and catching up (and staying up hours and hours passed my bedtime. Totally worth it).  I love these girls and will forever treasure their friendships.  I am so thankful God put them in my life and for their continued friendships.  I wish we could have spent a whole weekend together and we definitely need to do this once a year!

We also made a great decision and bought a selfie stick, but I'm pretty sure we're amateurs.  Most of our pictures looked like this:

I love you girls and am SO thankful for you!! Miss you already!

Addilyn's first sleepover

We are so so lucky to have family close by.  We have lots of wonderful babysitters within ten minutes of us, and use them quite a bit.  My sister in law Lauren is the one that usually babysits when Chris and I go on a date, and is so used to put Addi to bed.  We are so thankful for her!  Addi has both sets of grandparents who are all amazing with her and she loves them so much.  Because they live so close and it's easy to drop her off and go out for a few hours, the grandparents have only done bedtime a very few times.  Chris' parents have had a crib set up in their house for well over a year and kept asking when Addilyn could sleep over.  I was nervous about it so kept waiting!  Silly me, right? We've just had our share of sleep issues and bedtime and I may have some control issues, but it was time!

A few weekends ago Addilyn slept over with "Grandma Jodi" and it couldn't have gone better.  I found this suitcase at a garage sale this summer and Addi was so excited to pack all her stuff in it.  When we walked into their house she said "Goodbye Mama! See you in the morning!"  and wanted us to leave right away.

Chris and I went to an early dinner and were home by 8.  :)  It was weird having her door open and no Addilyn!  The morning was so wonderful.  We sat on the couch, drank cups of coffee and watched tv. Relaxing and so great.  We picked her up around 10:30 and she didn't want to come home.  So definitely a success!  I think she'll be having a sleepover there next weekend and hopefully many more times to come.  We are so thankful for grandparents who love on our Addi!

Hope you all had a wonderful three day weekend!

Week 14 and the beginning weeks . . .

Not much different to report this week after last week's post.  Feeling about the same, and anxiously awaiting the second trimester energy to come!  This has been a really busy two weeks with Chris starting a new job, so maybe once he's home a little more I'll feel a little more rested.  Come on three day weekend!!  I love that I wrote updates, letters and took pictures while I was pregnant with Addilyn, and have already been looking back at this as I go through this pregnancy.  I started writing little notes soon after we found out we were pregnant this time around and figured I'd share!  
Week 4 - I knew my period should come while we were in Florida and brought two pregnancy tests just in case.  I took one the day after I expected my period and it was negative but an hour later I looked and saw a faint line.  I took the second one and it was negative for good.  Figured it was an evaporation line but then couldn't stop thinking about it.  Managed to wait three more days to take another one that we went and bought.  Positive with the faintest little line.  We were with Chris' family, but didn't tell anyone yet.  I texted my sister though of course, and my two close girlfriends.  Because the line was faint and we didn't think it could happen on it's own I didn't believe it was true.   the day we found out
Week 5 - The day we got back from Florida I called the dr and they had me come in the next day.  I was worried my hormones levels could be off, since I was on so many hormones before and after I got pregnant with Addilyn.  I went in Tuesday and things look great.  HGC was good and my progesterone was good.  I was thrilled.  They said I could come in in a few days if I wanted, but I said I felt okay.  Three hours later I called after a mini nervous breakdown and asked if I could come in again.  I went back Friday to make sure my numbers were going up as they should.  The nurse said they probably wouldn't call till Monday, but my doctor called me Saturday morning (on the 4th of July) and I was SO thankful.  Good news! 
That next Monday we told our parents and it was so much fun.  

Week 6 - I called the doctor for medicine, as I was already feeling nauseous and throwing up. Unfortunately it didn't seem to help a ton.  Nauseous all day long and throwing up a few times a day. The only things that sounded bearable was carbs.  Bland pasta, bagels, donuts.  Hello baby weight gain!  I have no energy and the second I put Addi down for a nap or bedtime I am down for the count!
Week 7 - We saw our sweet baby on an ultrasound and it was wonderful.  I think like any mom I was feeling really nervous for the appointment.  Not quite as nervous as with Addilyn,but definitely nervous.  When the screen first went on, it looked empty and I could tell Chris was holding his breathe too, as he was holding my hand.  Then the tiny little bean showed up and the flickering heart in the middle and we were thrilled.  Due date March 5th.  We told a few of our close friends this week and can't wait to tell everyone else!
Week 8 & 9 -  Still feeling sick as can be.  Throwing up multiple times a day and carbs all day long. Most days I lay down when Addilyn takes a nap, which I feel very thankful for!  I've spent more time searching for baby room ideas on pinterest and it's feeling a little more real that we are having a baby. Addilyn definitely knows there's a baby in my belly and will kiss my belly and say goodnight to it.  She's also pretty good at mimicking me throwing up.  
Week 10 - When I was pregnant with Addilyn we bought a fetal heart doppler, as it helped ease some of my anxieties.  We tried it this week and heard the baby's heart beat pretty quickly.  We started doing this a few times a week and it is the best sound ever!  My shorts are already tight and there are many that don't fit anymore.  Ready for fall weather so I can just wear leggings and tunics!

Week 11 & 12 - Still taking medicine and having a few mornings here and there where I feel okay.  I've even had coffee a few times and miss it! I still crave carbs more than anything, but am able to eat a little more normally in the morning.  Afternoons and evenings are still rough!  Definitely have a little belly and am sure people who see me often and don't know I'm pregnant, can start to tell.  Showing way quicker than with Addilyn.  We had our 12 week doctor appointment and Chris, Addilyn and I went.  We heard the heart beat quickly and are so thankful for our sweet baby! We got to share the news on facebook and my blog and it was such a special feeling to know how loved and celebrated this baby already is! 
As always thanks for reading these baby updates and for all your prayers and excitement for baby #2!

Feeling stuck . . . .

I feel like I've been in a rut lately.  It's definitely been spurred on by feeling ridiculously sick this pregnancy, but it has become more than that.  Physical changes thanks to the first trimester of pregnancy have left me feeling nothing like myself.  My lack of energy to work out and feel strong and confident have been nonexistent.  My daily routine of waking up before Addilyn, drinking a cup of coffee and having a quiet time had become lost.  Addilyn's nap times are usually filled with me sleeping or laying in bed watching tv.  And part of that is okay.  I know it's a season and I know I can only do what I can do.  But it's hard not to feel lost.  To not feel like myself or that I have control of my body. 
Completely apart from being pregnant I've struggled with contentment the last few months.  Four of my close friends have bought and moved into new houses recently.  Beautiful houses, and thanks to us buying our house at the worst time ever 8 years ago, are far less expensive than ours.  I know there is so much stress in moving but I've envied them.  I've been jealous of them picking out new paint colors, furniture and getting to decorate a new house.  I've come home and looked at my "little" house with disappointment.  I'm embarrassed to even admit that as I know we are beyond lucky for what we have, and if only everyone could live in a house that has everything they need.  I have no room to complain.    My heart has felt disconnected from the Lord.  I've been praying a lot, but my time in the word and my energy working on my heart has not been there.  I've filled any quiet moment with tv or my phone. Or sleep.  I've felt too tired to do anything productive.  And while I think there's lots of grace in this stage or pregnancy, in motherhood in general, I'm ready for a new season.  
I love the change to Fall.  A fresh start.  New goals, a new routine.  I'm ready.  Today I spent all of Addilyn's nap time sitting on the couch, worship music on.  I read my bible, wrote in my journal and then read a book.  And my heart feels so much more fulfilled.  I could spend hours watching tv.  I love tv.  I want to be a Braverman and can't stop watching Parenthood.  I think there is room for that. But it's doing nothing for my heart.  And I need a better balance.  
I want to do things with my time that fill my soul.  I don't want to miss out on what God may be trying to teach me during this season.  I want to work harder to get to know him and become the woman he's creating me to be.  I want to stop caring about materialistic things.  How I look, what my house looks like, how "together" it appears or does not appear that I have things.   So here's to giving myself grace in these areas, doing the best I can, and letting the rest go.