Our night away

This last weekend Chris and I went away for a night to celebrate our ten year anniversary.  It's funny because when I was pregnant we talked about going on a big trip for our ten year anniversary, like Mexico or something like that.  Soon after Addilyn was born I think Chris realized that wouldn't happen so it got demoted to maybe a long weekend in Florida.  Well, that soon got changed to one night away.  Baby steps right?

We left around 1 on Saturday and drove to a little town about 45 minutes away in Wisconsin.  We love going there, but haven't been since I was pregnant.  While I have left Addilyn for one night with Chris, this was our first night away together.  Honestly I was nervous about it.  I was nervous she'd wake up in the middle of the night and freak out that I wasn't there or worried she'd be upset in the morning when we weren't there.  But I knew that my sister in law could totally handle it and Addi loves her!  

It was just so wonderful to be together.  To have 24 hours of uninterrupted time.  Not worrying about getting home in time after dinner and being able to spend time in the morning just sitting in bed together, drinking coffee and watching something other than Mickey Mouse Club.  So many talks about Chris' job, future plans for babies, relationships, our marriage and just enjoying each other.  

We walked around the cute little town, went to a wine tasting, ate some delicious cheese and crackers, then went to an early dinner.  We went in the hot tub at the pool, walked around the town a little more and got frozen yogurt.  The next morning we sadly didn't sleep in passed 6:30 but loved having a slow morning together.  We headed to breakfast and then just sat on our balcony for another hour or so before going home.  

It was just so nice.  I think it's very easy for me to get wrapped up in my identity as a mom.  To spend all my days with Addilyn and to feel like she consumes the majority of my days and my life.  Which I love and is great, but what's not so great is sometimes I forget how much I love spending time with just Chris.  That I am his wife before I was Addilyn's mom and how important it is to just have fun together.  We're lucky enough that we get to go on dates at home, but having this much time alone together was extra wonderful.  A great reminder of why we married each other and how much we love being together.  

Addilyn did great at home, and I am so thankful that we went!  It was a great way to celebrate ten years together!

On ten years

   

This week Chris and I celebrate our ten year anniversary.  Which makes 15 years being together, half of my life.  Part of me feels like there is no way it's been ten years, but most of the time I can't even remember not being married.  
                                                                                                                  the summer we started dating 
A lot of time I think about how I can't believe we got married so young.  I was 20, Chris was 23.  I had just finished my second year of college, and Chris still had another year and half left as well.  We were practically babies.  I've heard Chris tell a friend "I practically raised her myself."  Jokes aside, I definitely did my growing up into adulthood as a wife, which came with it's challenges.  But also came with a lot of blessings too.  We went through a lot of growing up and learning about each other and ourselves the first years of marriage, that we had to go through a lot of the harder communication things right from the start.  Not to say we didn't have plenty of things to work through the whole ten years, but had to go through a lot of that together at the beginning.  
I think I could write about a handful of advice that I've learned these ten years.  That I can't expect Chris to know how I feel without telling him exactly how I feel.  That you need to say what you mean and deal with the consequences if you're not honest about how you feel about something.  That going through a really hard thing, like infertility will either draw you closer or farther apart, and I'm so thankful we worked hard to draw us closer.  That things are not going to be even all the time and playing the game "who works harder than who" will never be helpful.  And that sometimes a date night is needed to remind you that you still really love each other and have fun together.  
But I think the best piece of advice that as helped us the most over the ten years is that we are on the same team.  During our premarriage counseling we had to say to each other multiple times "you are not my enemy."  This has helped through fight after fight, disagreement after disagreement.  There are times I feel so far into an argument where I am mad or hurt and then I remind myself that we are in this together.  We are on the same team.  We may disagree, we may have made mistakes and may still have lots to sort through and talk about.  BUT we have the same goal that we want to get on the same page and be in this together.  
There are times I'm mad about things Chris forgets or times I feel like he should know or anticipate how a situation or conversation would make me feel.  If I stop and remind myself that he isn't doing these things to make me mad, and that he has intentions to make our marriage better and that he loves me, it helps soften my feelings.  While it doesn't solve the problem it changes my approach.  
When Addilyn was born it was a tough transition for us.  I'm not sure if it's because we had 8 years with just us, or that it was just hard.  There were multiple times Chris would say to me "I'm on your side."  That simple reminder made a huge difference.  We didn't have to be happy with the argument or necessarily the place our marriage was in that day or that week, but it helped remind me that our goal is the same.  To be on the same team, in this together.  
Chris Vale.  Thank you for "raising me yourself."  For loving me more than anyone else.  For constantly telling me I'm beautiful and how much you love me.  For being easy going, silly and smiling a lot.  For providing for our family and being an amazing dad to Addilyn.  And for being on my team.  Happy Anniversary.  
Ten years in and many, many more to go.

Take for granted

top: loft    hat: groopdealz   boots: zulily 

I was thinking about last week and realizing how those weeks, although hard, are really good for our marriage.  I think it's so easy to take for granted things our spouses do, and far too easy to think about what we wish they did more of.  
I do a good amount of the housework, and while Chris knows it and is appreciative I don't think he realized really how much there is that I do.  The other week when I was really sick I couldn't do anything and he was left to clean up the kitchen, pick up things around the house, all those "little" chores that build up so fast.  He said to me a few times that he can't believe all the things I do everyday and how grateful he is that I do them. 
After Chris is gone for a few days I realize how much I miss him and how much of a difference it makes to have him home.  The hours between 5:30 and bedtime seem so long when you're by yourself, as well as the first half hour or hour in the morning before he goes to work.  I think sometimes I forgot how helpful that is because it's not like I'm sitting on the couch doing nothing while he's playing with Addilyn, but making dinner, cleaning up or something else.  But those things are far harder when he isn't home.  It made me more grateful that he's normally home, that he loves playing with Addi when he is, and that we can share those responsibilities when he's done with his workday.  
Hard weeks stink, but it makes you even more grateful for the good ones.  

Happy Face

boots: dsw   skirt:  old navy   sweater: diy (tutorial here)

I'm pretty confident that I could dedicate at least a post a week about how Chris and I are different.  In so many ways we are complete opposites.

Here's yet another.

In high school there was this "joke."  I say that in quotes because while true, it didn't make me laugh.  Which maybe it should've and it would have helped me with my problem.

The joke was that I looked angry all the time.  I'd walk around the halls and my friends thought I was mad or sad or some negative emotion, because my relaxed, normal face apparently looked unhappy.

While I doubt I have a picture of me in high school, as I'm sure it was unattractive and I wouldn't keep it around, I imagine looking something like this.  Which actually just looks a little more annoyed than anything.  Apparently my mom only kept smiling pictures of us.

Chris on the other hand, walks around looking like something straight out of a cartoon, because his face was and is always smiling.  Which is why when I saw this shirt on pinterest I immediately thought of him.

I actually used to have to remind him in pictures to have a normal smile, because his was hugely wide open, extreme smile, and just looked silly.

(I realize he isn't actually trying to smile in this picture.  But I looked for one for about 30 minutes and gave up and really wanted to include a picture.  This was the best I could do.)

I even tried it.  Walking around with this big smile.  Well it looked fake and was awkward and didn't last long.

And I'm even outnumbered in my house because I have a dog that constantly smiles too:

Yet another thing I admire about my husband.  He really his happy about 98% of the time.

Happy Anniversary

On May 14, 2005 my dad walked my 20 year old self down the aisle to marry you.  

My first boyfriend and my best friend.    

Sometimes I think the last seven years have flown by and others I can't even remember life without being married to you.  

The other day I was looking through our wedding scrapbook and found our wedding vows written out.  While we've both made mistakes and have had to ask for forgiveness many times, I'm so thankful that we have held true to our promises to each other.   God has blessed our marriage, year after year, for the last seven years.  

I know without a doubt we've made each other better people.  

We balance each other out in so many ways, 

and have grown and changed so much in the last seven years.   

Our first year of marriage seems like so long ago.  Living in our 700 square foot duplex and both being full time college students.  While marriage took some adjusting to, our life together was pretty easy and wonderful.

This last year has been by far the most challenging year we have faced.  God has broken us and drawn us closer to Him and closer to each other.  Even though this year has been incredibly tough, I wouldn't trade it.  We've become a different, stronger and closer couple.  

I couldn't ask for a better man to go through life with and daily thank the Lord for giving you to me.  

Whatever is ahead for us I know we will spend it loving each other and growing together.  

I love you Christopher Jason Vale. 

Happy 7 year anniversary! 

Love, 

Mingle Monday

Things I love about our marriage

In honor of Valentine's day I figured I should talk a little bit about love, right? There is no question about how much I love our marriage and think that I've been incredibly blessed with an amazing husband and a solid relationship.    

Here are some things I LOVE about our marriage:

1.  We've known each other for 14 years.  Chris was my first boyfriend, the only boy I ever kissed, held hands with or loved.  We know each other so well.

Here's a picture of one of our first real dates.

2. We balance each other out.  Chris and I could not be more different.  He is relaxed, and I'm a worrier.  He likes to stay up late and sleep in, I like to go to bed early and wake up early.  He likes spending money, and I'd rather save it.  He loves change and I'd like things to stay the same.
The list could go on.  

Our big differences have caused some conflict in our marriage and have made us work hard to understand each others' point of views.  We have balanced each other out a lot and I know we're both better people because of it.

3.  Our communication.  I've learned in the last few years that a lot of couples we know, don't know how to communicate in their marriage.  I feel so lucky that this is something that, although it does take work, has been a natural part of our marriage.  We talk about everything, from small to big things.

4. We enjoy each other's company and have fun together. The first few years of marriage I remember saying things to other people about being sad when Chris was out of town or even gone for a few evenings in a row.  And many people would tell me to just wait until we weren't newlyweds and then we'll enjoy the time alone.  While we haven't married for as long as a lot of them, we're coming up on 7 years married and I still would always rather have Chris home and be in his company.

5. We love each other despite our flaws.  There is no doubt that there are things that bother me about Chris.  (I am one of the most easily annoyed people in the world and Chris does quite a lot of annoying little things like make gross noises when he eats.  If you ask him what annoys him about me he'd say that I have too many things that annoy me.)  And there are obviously more serious issues that we both fall short it too.  But despite those things I love him more than anything in the world and I know he loves me the same way.

I couldn't be happier with the man I married and can't wait for many, many more years together.
Happy Valentine's Day to my sweet husband.
I'm a lucky wife.

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